Bliss..?

"Three keys to more abundant living: caring about others, daring for others, sharing with others."

I only have 1.5/3 out of the three keys...need to work on it...
Life is getting busy. When I'm working or studying I wish I can get through it as soon as possible and take a break and do the things I want to do. But then when I'm taking a break and hanging out with some friends having some fun, I go home thinking of the time I could have spent training or studying. I'm never complacent...I guess I just need to embrace what life has in store for me now and just let the chips fall where they may...

In Pursuit of...

Got second place in the basketball tournament today…but in my eyes, we lost the whole basketball tournament…just as good as getting last place…and to lose…it’s crushing…I hate losing more than I like the sweet taste of victory. My teammates are content because they have a trophy to take home to show to their friends and family…and to them there was no shame in falling short of being the best. I can’t blame the loss on my teammates…I can only put the blame on myself for not practicing and letting my skills deteriorate…can’t complain…just gotta work harder. When I got home, I walked into my living room…sat on the sofa and gazed at all the medals, ribbons and trophies on top of the fireplace that I received over the years. Almost all of them were first place prizes, medals and trophies…I look at the trophy I just earned from the basketball tournament in my hands…I clenched my jaw…I vowed to be back next year better than ever and claim the number one spot at all cost even if I have to carry the whole team on my back. I guess this is what is called “experience”… what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted. This was a lesson learned…my dad and coach basically ingrained into my head all these years to always be ready so that you never have to get ready…but I never followed through…and here I am now procrastinating on my studies...going into midterms not fully prepared. Lesson learned!!! I put the trophy on my bed side table…the plaque at the bottom of the trophy that says “2nd place”…which means to me…”you weren’t good enough”… when I arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love...I’ll be reminded of my shortcomings as well and to ensure that it doesn’t repeat itself…making that day a productive one….one that gets me ready for whatever curve ball life throws at me….they say luck has a big part to do with it…but I believe you create your own luck and being prepared is when…luck is truly where preparation meets opportunity. Just like people talk about finding their lives. In reality, your life is not something you find…it's something you create.

Reading week has been good to me…it provided me with some breathing space. Had the opportunity to really sit down and reflect on what is wrong and what I need to improve on. I see a lot of so called “smart” people…but what they are doing is only parroting smart people….following them like a puppet and not daring to be themselves. Wake the fuck up…you were born an original…don't die a copy…have a mind of your own…who you really are is enough. I’m feeling the recession heat already…I’m just living off the money of my boxing winnings from December…but if you want to feel rich, just count the things you have that money can't buy….and I guess we are all rich in our own little way…

I woke up at 4 am the other day…didn’t feel like going back to sleep….I sat up at the edge of my bed…memories of Afghanistan surfaced again…I glanced at the jar of sleeping pills beside my bed…I thought to myself…those thoughts can just disappear in a matter of minutes if I just take a pill. I remember I made a promise to myself to restrict myself from taking anymore unless I have serious insomnia again. I peeked outside my window…dark, quiet yet peaceful before dawn…I tiptoed downstairs and slipped on my shoes and headed outside for a morning run…
As I passed by my elementary school, I slowed down…an ocean of memories flowed into my mind…the good old days it was. The school yard where I used to play tag…the portable where I sat in for detention every day after school because of my bad boy nature…I remember how happy and beautiful those days were…where I woke up every morning and dancing was dreaming with my feet…boxing was singing with my hands. Everyone used to get along…I guess where I derived happiness from was when I was connecting to everyone around me in school during those days. Nowadays we selfishness often gets the better of us…I guess living your life the right way is never just about you, it’s about you and the people around you.

The sun’s peeking over the horizon…I can hear faintly…birds chirping in the distance…the world is coming back to life it seems…a fresh new day is upon us…it’s time to make this day…my day…

Vegas Day 3: Resilience

Didn’t sleep last night…everyone in the hotel was trashed…all I heard was GSP! GSP! GSP! All night long as fans were celebrating. Canadian flags can be seen everywhere and everyone was wearing a Georges St. Pierre shirt of some sort. I was invited to a hotel room party by a group of people that flew from Canada to see the fight live. Had a lot of fun…they partied like rockstars…speaking of rock stars…I miss being a rockstar a month ago in Florida. But if my bout is signed by May or June…I might just be a rock star then for a couple days. Damn…the 6 figure contracts are still ringing in my head…
The phone rang in my hotel room just as I was about to leave to checkout…it was Diep he wished me a “Bon Voyage”…he thought I was French Canadian being a GSP fan…and to call him when I was in Las Vegas again. Guess I got a group of friends to chill with and party when I’m in Florida and now Las Vegas too. He brought up an interesting point…he mentioned that I should transition from boxing to MMA…something that has been on my mind constantly. I initially fought amateur in MMA in Gatineau, Quebec. From there I got an offer to fight for the WEC which offered me roughly $800 a fight, which I thought was not worth the time and money. Thus, I turned down the offer…months later, WEC was bought out by the UFC…and if I only took the offer earlier I would be competing in the UFC…painful memories…but that’s life. The city is still buzzing about the yesterday’s fight. Tons of people were at McCarren Airport checking in to fly back home after watching the fight. Everyone’s still talking about it. GSP is the welterweight king…even though his next opponent is a muay thai wrecking machine…

Being away from Toronto from all …I really got a chance to spend time with myself…cast out the distractions and reflect on the past and find out who I really am. Time is limited so don't waste it living someone else's life...Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people's thinking...don't let the noise of others opinion drown out my own inner voice ...and most important have courage to follow my heart and intuition...they somehow already know what I truly want to be... everything else is secondary...I must have long ranged goals to keep me from my short ranged failures.

“Everyday we go through life doing the same monotonous tasks required of us. We work so hard towards our goals that we often forget what it is we truly seek. Our minds are consumed by the tedious tasks forgetting the greater picture. Sometimes a monumental task forces us to be filled with frustration and anger at our own inability to accomplish something the person next to you seems to complete with ease. Take a breath, recall what it is you are working towards and remember the initial spark of motivation…that ignition that sent us on this journey. Do not ravage the dreams of others to achieve your own and know that with dedication and hard work, you can reach the plateau among the stars.”
I’m going to look at myself in the mirror at the start of everyday and ask myself…if today was the last day of my life, would I be doing what I’m about to do today and whenever the answer is no for a few consecutive days…I’ll know I need to change something. I’m in 4th year…have to kick start in my career soon and the economic turmoil isn’t looking good for me. Sports has always been my outlet/escape from just being a normal everyday university student…but as I age and my career gets busy, the ability to indulge in sports is taken away from me…then where’s my escape?...I’ll have to hang up my gloves one day…walk away from the bright spotlight inside the ring and abandon the arena with thousands of fans cheering for and against me...miss the crazy after parties…having influence people with hard work and dedication. Work is going to fill a large portion of our lives...the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work…and the only way to do great work is to love what you do…I haven’t found it yet but as for all matters of our heart...we’ll know once we find it and like any great relationship it only gets better as the years progress…so I have to keep looking…can’t settle…

I got out of Pearson airport around 5…it was cold but still warmer than I thought it would be…images of sunny weather and the beautiful city of Las Vegas still in my head…but reality hits…I can’t say it’s home sweet home…but its back to the grind of everyday life again…

“If you live each day like it’s your last, someday you will most certainly be right.”
永遠第一天

Vegas Day 2: Enigma

My day started at 10am today. Got a meeting with an executive, Bob at a sports promotion company, Top Rank to negotiate a possible contract. Met up with my manager and headed downstairs to meet Bob. He was a chubby businessman with a crisp clean suit…not even a single piece lint on him. Shook hands with him and we followed him to his limousine. Had a few glasses of wine in the limo and got to his office just 10 minutes off the strip. He led us through his beautiful office and his friendly subordinates. We walked into a conference room where the room was filled with people all wearing professional attire. We sat down and all eyes were on me. Formal introductions was made by Bob, the others in attendance commented on my mystique that I was walking through tough competition without ever being seen on TV or the internet. I told them that my other job required that I keep myself low key for confidentially reasons. In attendance were some broadcasting network station producers, hotel/casino affiliates and some of Bob’s staff. The television network companies wanted to do a documentary of me to generate more buildup to the fight. I was asked to basically tell my story of my life pertaining to the sport. In short, I remember my humble beginnings when I was a kid all the training and workouts were thought to be a big waste of time and money. So my parents stopped sponsoring me for my training...but I followed my heart somehow and went door to door after school asking people if they had beer and wine bottles so I can sell back to the beer store. That was my income to pay for my gym membership until I finally got a job. At times I would even go through my neighbours’ recycling bins to find the bottles to finance my boxing gym membership. The frigid winter months of digging through the snow for beer bottles were the worst. I was almost convinced that my parents were right and just give up and just focus 100% on school and piano lessons…it was impossible to connect the dots back then...but it was very clear what all that led to...cant connect the dot looking forward into the future...you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in the future...you have to trust in something....your guts, life, destiny, karma...whatever...because believing the that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart even if it leads you off the well warned path...and that will make all the difference… The television producers listened with great interest as they were taking notes. Bob laid out potential opponents for me next as well as listing their credentials. The meeting lasted 5 hours, but no deal could be hammered out. The contracts were extremely lucrative, but most wouldn’t allow me to balance school, so further negotiations will be needed. My manager received business cards from all of them and told them we would call them once we have decided.

I returned to my hotel room and worked on my case study. At 5pm I looked out the window and the strip was still filled with people walking up and down but by 6:30pm the streets were empty and everyone was either at MGM Grand Garden Arena for UFC 94 or they were huddled in a bar somewhere watching it. I got a call from Diep, the person who took me clubbing last night, he was wondering if I wanted to join him and his friends to watch the UFC 94 at the auditorium at the MGM Grand for a closed circuit viewing. I met him and his friends there and the place was packed. Everyone was standing in front of the projector watching the fight. People were chanting the fighters name as if the fighters could hear them. The place exploded as BJ Penn and GSP made their entrances….people were on their feet cheering or booing. I can tell everyone was getting goosebumps minutes before the fight started. Excitement was definitely in the air. For every shot landed there’d be screams and “oooh”s. It was an impressive fight…both fighters fought their hearts out. My man GSP WON!!!...not only won but in a dominating fashion...he was so slick! All the GSP fans there were celebrating and partying while BJ Penn fans sat there in disbelief. GSP gave BJ Penn a piece of humble pie for talking so much smack before the fight and on primetime. By the 3rd and 4th round, BJ Penn could’ve easily been replaced by a blowup doll…he was just lying there getting beaten down. Damn…now I’m talking a little too much…hope no one says that about me if I get beat. The magnitude of the fight is just out of this world…there’s no event like this.

Boy…what a night!