In Pursuit of...

Got second place in the basketball tournament today…but in my eyes, we lost the whole basketball tournament…just as good as getting last place…and to lose…it’s crushing…I hate losing more than I like the sweet taste of victory. My teammates are content because they have a trophy to take home to show to their friends and family…and to them there was no shame in falling short of being the best. I can’t blame the loss on my teammates…I can only put the blame on myself for not practicing and letting my skills deteriorate…can’t complain…just gotta work harder. When I got home, I walked into my living room…sat on the sofa and gazed at all the medals, ribbons and trophies on top of the fireplace that I received over the years. Almost all of them were first place prizes, medals and trophies…I look at the trophy I just earned from the basketball tournament in my hands…I clenched my jaw…I vowed to be back next year better than ever and claim the number one spot at all cost even if I have to carry the whole team on my back. I guess this is what is called “experience”… what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted. This was a lesson learned…my dad and coach basically ingrained into my head all these years to always be ready so that you never have to get ready…but I never followed through…and here I am now procrastinating on my studies...going into midterms not fully prepared. Lesson learned!!! I put the trophy on my bed side table…the plaque at the bottom of the trophy that says “2nd place”…which means to me…”you weren’t good enough”… when I arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love...I’ll be reminded of my shortcomings as well and to ensure that it doesn’t repeat itself…making that day a productive one….one that gets me ready for whatever curve ball life throws at me….they say luck has a big part to do with it…but I believe you create your own luck and being prepared is when…luck is truly where preparation meets opportunity. Just like people talk about finding their lives. In reality, your life is not something you find…it's something you create.

Reading week has been good to me…it provided me with some breathing space. Had the opportunity to really sit down and reflect on what is wrong and what I need to improve on. I see a lot of so called “smart” people…but what they are doing is only parroting smart people….following them like a puppet and not daring to be themselves. Wake the fuck up…you were born an original…don't die a copy…have a mind of your own…who you really are is enough. I’m feeling the recession heat already…I’m just living off the money of my boxing winnings from December…but if you want to feel rich, just count the things you have that money can't buy….and I guess we are all rich in our own little way…

I woke up at 4 am the other day…didn’t feel like going back to sleep….I sat up at the edge of my bed…memories of Afghanistan surfaced again…I glanced at the jar of sleeping pills beside my bed…I thought to myself…those thoughts can just disappear in a matter of minutes if I just take a pill. I remember I made a promise to myself to restrict myself from taking anymore unless I have serious insomnia again. I peeked outside my window…dark, quiet yet peaceful before dawn…I tiptoed downstairs and slipped on my shoes and headed outside for a morning run…
As I passed by my elementary school, I slowed down…an ocean of memories flowed into my mind…the good old days it was. The school yard where I used to play tag…the portable where I sat in for detention every day after school because of my bad boy nature…I remember how happy and beautiful those days were…where I woke up every morning and dancing was dreaming with my feet…boxing was singing with my hands. Everyone used to get along…I guess where I derived happiness from was when I was connecting to everyone around me in school during those days. Nowadays we selfishness often gets the better of us…I guess living your life the right way is never just about you, it’s about you and the people around you.

The sun’s peeking over the horizon…I can hear faintly…birds chirping in the distance…the world is coming back to life it seems…a fresh new day is upon us…it’s time to make this day…my day…