Vegas Day 1: Halo

Landed in McCarren airport in Las Vegas yesterday. With the warm dessert wind blowing softly across my face…feels like a home away from home. Cruising down the strip…the fountain outside Bellagio, passing through the Ships outside Treasure Island, the volcano outside Mirage and all the couples walking up and down the strip holding hands on their honeymoon…these were all so familiar as the last time I was here. We checked in at MGM Grand Hotel…I got my own room…and looked outside the window…the city of bright lights that never sleeps….just where I need to be…
This week the main attraction in the city was of course the mega fight UFC 94: GSP vs BJ Penn. Everyone literally EVERYONE is talking about it…and no one on the strip is shy about sharing their opinion either. But whoever asks me on my pick on who’s gonna win…of course I’d be saying it’s our Canadian boy Georges St. Pierre that’s gonna take it.

This morning I woke up and worked out a bit for last minute preparations to look more lean for my photo shoot. I did the photo shoot for Sports Illustrated in the afternoon. I guess I’m not pretty enough so they had to airbrush me to bring out some colour on my face. They took 67 shots but only 2 are going on the magazine…so much for nothing. I found out even taking like a billion photos with fight fans in Florida that I’m still camera shy. The photographers were awesome trying to make me relax and comfortable. The Q&A session asked me some tough questions, but he mainly asked about my training regimen, how to obtain that physique and how I balance being a full time student and a fighter. Also, he asked about my future plans and aspirations. And of course they asked the typical question how I got myself into the most dangerous sport in the world. These people are really professional once the cameras are rolling…but as soon as the camera lights dim, they’d play pranks on each other and were fun people to be around. Afterwards my manager and I were invited to dinner by the Sports Illustrated staff. The food could’ve been better but the good laughs we had made it all the difference.

I cashed out the Sports Illustrated cheque and decided to spend some of it at the Caesar Palace Casino. I sat down at the poker table and the players were in their mid-20s and the game was really intense. No one was even talking on that table. I had the worst hands in the world and I kept bluffing…I started joking around to the people in the table like I always do and made everyone laugh including the dealer…and people started opening up. Soon enough the intense poker game turned into a mere past time where no one cared about their chip count anymore since all our chips were just going back and forth anyway. I told the rest of the table I was going to head to the UFC 94 weigh-ins and see if the rest of them want to tag along and they were all eager to…so we all left the table simultaneously. The weigh-ins was packed with rowdy people and wannabe fighters, but nonetheless we could all feel the intensity of the super fight looming Saturday night. When Georges St. Pierre and BJ Penn entered there was a deafening roar from the fans. Many flew out here from Toronto and Montreal to support our Canadian boy GSP and same goes for BJ Penn from his fans from Hilo, Hawaii. It’s hard to determine who brought more fans with them, Hawaii and Canadian flags can be seen in the crowd. We all anticipate a good fight and hope it lives up to the hype.
After the weigh-ins my original plan was to go back to the hotel room and work on my case study but one of the people that I played poker with asked if I’d like to kick it off at Jet Nightclub at Luxor hotel that night…he had an extra VIP pass for me. It was an offer I couldn’t refuse…why not.
We entered the VIP lounge of the club through another entrance. The service and the club itself was on another level…it put any/all the Toronto clubs to shame. The VIP lounge was full of rich and powerful people. Sometimes celebrities would be seen here too but I didn’t recognize any tonight. As soon as everyone got a few drinks…everyone was in lala land. I sat on the couch of the VIP lounge…there was this cute and sexy girl sitting across from me...she seemed really familiar as if I saw her somewhere before. So decided to get to know her for a bit. She was pretty bitchy at first…but after a few drinks she seemed to mellow down a bit. Judging from the way she talks and her appearance…she looks like a spoiled rich girl with an impeccable fashion sense. As we were talking everyone in the VIP lounge were gawking and eavesdropping on our conversation. She noticed too and she took me upstairs to a more private setting. She talked about how she’s gets annoyed at the paparazzi following her and all that nonsense…while I was thinking to myself… why would paparazzi be following you? She was surprised that I was a prizefighter. At the end of the night, I decided not to try and get her number, but she gave me a kiss goodbye. I walked out of the club and people swarmed me like I was a rockstar back in Florida again and asked how I picked her up and if I got her number or not. I just told them that she’s just a pretty face (well a really pretty face) and there’s nothing special…they looked at me as if I was drunk or something. They were like…the girl you were talking to was Kim Kardashian…
Oh well…just another girl…famous not because of achievements or talents…but for “other” things…
Out of the hundreds of people I talked to on the elevators, clubs, bars and even bus stops…I wasn’t trying to run game on you…you girls were special…you really were…

Its been a month since I went to war with Clifton for the biggest fight of my life. I remember it like yesterday. There’s no other time where I can walk down the gym or in training and want it THAT bad….and want to win it all. If I can just use that for everything I do in life….that would be golden…

It was 4:30am…all the hotels and casinos pump pure oxygen…so you never get tired…I feel that I can go for another party right now…but I have a little bit more respect for my body which needs rest. I lie on the bed…the alcohol was still in my body and the world was swirling around me. I thought to myself…to become truly great, one has to stand with people, not above them...I ask for forgiveness of my arrogance at times…please God protect me from my pride…I remember my father told me that In life we shall find many men that are great, and some that are good, but very few men that are both great and good. I want to be that man that is both great and good…I want it all…There’s a lot of people and friends that support me…its very important for me not to let them down..

Seeking Validation

This week I was invited by my prof to an economic breakfast meet this week. All the big five banks were there with their top economist to give their predictions and comment on the market. Most notable things they said were don’t expect a return in investments for another 3.5 years and depending on when the fiscal stimulus package will come, the contingent budget will pick up the economy in the 3rd quarter of 2009. They regarded it as “crawling from the depths of despair”. All the banks’ top economists agreed that investment in R&D, infrastructure will slowly bring the U.S. economy back up on its feet. They also noted that health care will be the number one industry in the world. Finally, the chief economist of RBC I believe said that economic predictions are not wrong, they are just too early or too late….which I thought was quite a theory. Afterwards had lunch with my prof, she asked me what I thought of it, I told her I’d listen to these big mouths if I wanted to lose all my money because Barclays CFO I remember made a bunch of predictions on this recession and said how it wasn’t going to be as severe, but all the predictions he made were terribly wrong.

My sights are set on Las Vegas…at first it was just a thought…now my manager got me a page in Sport Illustrated with a photo shoot and a Q & A session on the magazine…which takes place in the number one sin city of the world, Las Vegas...so I guess I can’t refrain from going now. I look like a bum right now…and haven’t been working out. I’m just too vain to pose with just my boxing shorts on and look out of shape, so I gotta polish up…even though I never have an ounce of fat on me. But gonna start working out again and get a little more defined than I already am….just when I thought I can take a break after the biggest fight of my life. Too bad Jess is doing her own photo shoot in LA and can’t join me Vegas or else it’ll be awesome. *Sigh* I need another vacation already…so Vegas here I come…

P.S. I promise myself to buckle down and study my ass off once I come back…Told my mom I'm going to a business conference so don't rat me out....ya I know I don't live a life of a normal student...

...And of course my coach when I was Brazil Mauricio “Shogun” Rua is fighting tomorrow at UFC 93…I hope he avenges his loss against Mark Coleman….War Shogun War!! I turned my TV on for the first time in 3 months to watch UFC Primetime: GSP vs BJ Penn behind the scene footage of both their training and life outside the octagon. I met both the fighters in person…both being tremendous athletes and wicked fighters and pretty cool people as well. It re-iterated that hard work and dedication is the price you pay for greatness. BJ has started talking trash to promote the fight already…I like how GSP responded by saying talking is easy everyone can talk but fighting is hard. “If he really wanted to do it …if he put his mind to it…it’s about being the best...it wasn’t about being second best.” BJ’s story foils mine in a way. I remember a time when I hit rock bottom where I did not treat myself and my body with respect…drinking a lot…getting drunk a lot…not training. I remember vividly that I was pissed drunk rolling around on the floor after a big party. One of my closest friends watched me in disgust and told me, “Look, very few people have the gifted talents and potential that you do and even less people can ever have the opportunity to be called great...and you can one of those people...look you’re wasting your life away…you’ve lost yourself…you’re just a fucking drunk party animal...a waste of skin…and your window is closing!” Having someone close to you say that was a big wake up call. From that day on I cleansed myself from all that alcohol and focused on academics, sports (particularly boxing) and just being a better person in general, I told myself from that day onwards, I'm going to move forward. Even though my friend is not with us anymore, I remember it like yesterday and whenever I feel de-motivated and want to quit I remember those words and it gives me strength to carry on. He’s in a better place now and he never got to see what I’ve become and what I am now…I hope I’ve made him proud. BJ Penn’s story was like this also and I want to see him make a come back but at the same time I wanna see GSP, our Canadian boy to win it. Continual hard work will bring me where I wanna be…laziness will lead to decline…

Speaking of friends...I remember that he told me "sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down." I don't know if I can ever be great...we all have doubts in ourselves...but to the death I'll try my best. With hard work we'll all get somewhere...Nothing great in the world has ever been accomplished without passion.

Las Vegas?

My friend invited me to her dance studio this afternoon. I thought these people in there would be very amateur but turned out these guys were good…some of them were real good too. Some gave me tips on how to glide and tut better too. When I first walked in people were giving me weird looks, but as soon as we started grooving…it was all cool…people opened up to me and were friendly. Had a good time…good music (even though I didn’t know a single song I was dancing to)…good dancing and good people.

Afterwards got a call from my manager…he’s gonna go check out Vegas for me to look for potential fights this year. He was wondering if I wanted to come along. My first reaction was “hell yeah!”…but then the thought of missing school means a lot of catching up and school takes unprecedented priority. So tempted to go…been to Las Vegas a couple times already and its always been a blast every time I’m there. One of my favourite cities to be. Sin city of the world…city built on entertainment…and once again an oasis from the cold…I guess I’ll finalize my decision later on the week…

I know what’s it like…to be hunted. To be hated…and you fought to survive in a world that didn't make any sense.
But now you're getting used to it. Your senses have sharpened. You finally begin to understand. Why be the prey...
...When you can be the predator?

黑武士

Man…I miss Florida…the beaches…the people…the weather. I miss being a rock star there too. I got first class treatment wherever I went in South Beach. But back to reality I’m stuck in the cold in Toronto…can’t say it sucks because my buddies are here.

*Sigh* my first week of school has come to a close. I made a road trip to Trenton to go on base to bid you farewell on Monday. When me and her got there, your plane left…she stood outside crying. I hope you got my text…I was looking forward to hear from you from Mirage, Germany…but I guess you were too caught up. Anyways fight hard…give them hell. It wasn’t easy for your parents to raise you up…so don’t you ever give up the fight. Your mom was crying too…I didn’t know how to comfort her…I told her everything will be alright…but there’s nothing more I could say that would make her feel better. I'm sitting comfortably typing this thing out...and you're out fighting in the deserts of Afghanistan...fighting for us...and fighting to stay alive. Out of all of us…I’m the only one that knows how it feels. I know she weighs heavily in your heart…much unneeded emotional baggage indeed…yeah I know she doesn’t understand and probably never will. I tried my best to explain to her…but as you know you…have to experience to know…words cannot explain. It’s hard to say something positive about it….because sugar-coating it will only deviate from the truth. I remember back then when I left for Afghanistan…you were so supportive of me when everyone else was begging me not to go and questioned my sanity. I remember as I left, I turned back to look at you guys one last time and at that time I thought it was the last time I would see you guys, as you all wished me farewell. As I boarded the plane I had a goal…a reason for doing this…you guys gave me the reason to be fighting this war. I had mentality that I’m taking all this pain and suffering so that you all didn’t have to. And when I bid you farewell and I foresee the torment that you will experience in the coming months yet unable to put it on myself or do anything about it…feels like I’m betraying my thoughts and memories…feels like I’m betraying…you...

For you PUAs, I'm going to take a break from all that. I'll be back sarging with you guys later. I can't say I'm taking a break because I've found “the one” or say that I found anyone in particular at all. I’ll just let the chips fall where they may right now. Wish you guys all the best…hope to hear more stories from you guys. Hope that when I come back you guys can teach me a few new things.

That’s enough out of me…going to do something productive with my life…

In Pace Paratus

New Year was great. Michael Bisping walked in AX while I was working. People were taking pictures with him and autographs, but my manager wouldn’t let me…lame. He’s huge…bigger than when I see him on TV. After he made his purchase he walked up to me and we talked about our predictions of upcoming UFC events….we have our differences indeed. Here I am talking to Britain’s most celebrated fighter, who’s a celebrity in the U.K. as well as the United States and he was so down to earth. He congratulated me on my win in Florida. I found out that he’s in Toronto to party and I thought to myself…you came to the wrong place….he should of stayed in Manchester, England. Then he asked me where to drink in the middle of the afternoon and I laughed and suggested Madison.

We were balling on New Years going club hopping. Was fun…the atmosphere was crazy towards the countdown. Some idiots decided to fight in the clubs to start out 2009. Good thing they didn’t lay their hands on any of my friends or else it would’ve been another story…

My friend…more like a brother is leaving on a mission in Afghanistan tomorrow. I’ve been there…I know this does mean life and death there. I remember calling you a “waste of skin” when we were kids. I know you still remember it to this day, because it didn’t sit well with you at that time. But it was the comment I regret saying most, even though it is a laughing matter between us now. In our circle of friends, there isn’t another as honorable as you. We got big plans when you return…you know we’ll all be waiting here…at least I’ll be. If anything happens…you told me I’d be the first to know and I’ll fan it out to the rest of them…but I wouldn’t know how to break it to them. Just come home in one peace. I remember in history class we both aspired to be soldiers at one point in our lives…just the timing was wrong and we couldn’t fight alongside each other in Afghanistan…in the end we both arrive at the same place in different time periods. But if we can fight alongside each other…what a great honor it would’ve been. I wish I could’ve offered a couple of advice before you left but I was too caught up in the moment.
You must in trust in yourself...the skills you’ve been taught. You are attached to such a great group of probably the best soldiers our country has to offer…believe in that. It seems both unfortunate and amazing that it’ll take battle and blood shed to forge such a strong bond. I know you aren’t emotionally ready at the moment, but you just cannot let it get the best of you...nows just not the time. In moments of pain and disparity...just look how far you've became...and press on. I’ll pray for you each and every night as you venture into harms way. When I think back on those times
when we played as kids and the childhood dreams we left behind to bigger and brighter achievements...I'll be glad because I was blessed to get to have you in my life...
Bro I do wish you all the best…I’m just in awe for words right now…I'm speechless...I'd take a bullet for you literally...but as you pulled out of my driveway I felt so helpless not being able to offer any help...not being able to take the pain for my friend...not being able to sacrifice for...my bro...

Since I’ve went over…I’ve kept it all the experiences to myself…these memories are demons that haunt me ever since. It’s hard to talk about it. But it’s necessary to spit the truth…or at least what I can remember from it…
It’s been 2 years that I was wounded in the battlefield. When I was in the hospital in KAF, I had hoped that I would stay in Afghanistan to recover. Why would I want to stay in such a horrible place that almost claimed my life? I didn’t want to leave my brethrens in battle. When I was transferred to the hospital in Dubai, it was all a blur of Morphine, Demerol, Fentanyl, IV lines, wound packing’s, shrapnel removal surgeries, catheters, bad food, and good care. But I remember closing my eyes in the hospital, only 2 images flash and they take me back to where I’m supposed to be. I see the location of Operation White November; the fields of pot. Rockets and bullets. The smell of burning and the heat. Then all I see are the bodies of soldiers I helped carry to the CCP. 2 covered by body bags and 2 on stretchers; my Team leader and a few soldiers I knew only casually from living in the shacks in Trenton.

When I close my eyes, I also see the morning after the fateful operation. Sparks, smoke, fire… then the burst of the main gun of the A-10. I remember the feeling of panic as I crawled for my weapon and PPE, thinking we were under attack. I can still feel the burning on my legs and back, the shock of thinking my legs were gone.
I can see the faces of the injured… the twice wounded soldiers of Green Team. I see the face of the soldier who saved my life by applying tourniquets to my legs and stopping the bleeding from my back and arm…

Our Squad Leader (who was also wounded) came over to me and asked if I was going to be able to play the pipes for the ramp ceremony the following day. I held up my right hand, which was numb, and looked at my fingers. The tips of 2 of them looked like they had been chewed up in a blender. I felt tears run down my face. Not because I thought I’d never play again, but because I couldn’t play for my departed brothers the next day… I would have given both of my hands and more for their lives.
I had hoped to attend the ramp ceremony the next day, even if I couldn’t play, but I couldn’t move my legs and they couldn’t put me in a wheel chair because of the shrapnel in my back. I was sedated that day. I couldn’t attend any of the funerals of my fallen family, and I feel no closure.
It has been a month and 2 years since I lost my brothers in Operation White November and it might as well have been yesterday.
When I close my eyes at night I not only see the ones who have paid the ultimate price, but also the ones who are still there… and I feel as though I am betraying them.

A warrior’s sword is made from the finest steel, forged by hammer and anvil to create and edge, baptized in hot coals and flame for strength, then quenched in cold water to harden it.

Our brotherhood of Warriors, the finest of men, has been forged by Battle; Baptized by fire and Quenched by tears…

We became and will always be a fraternity of blood with a bond stronger than death.

Come home safe bro! When you do come home, weary from war and firefights...I know for a fact that you'll never come home the same. The brother I used to know would be lost in the desert but in flesh you are still you just in a different frame of mind and probably a totally different mindset. You make us all proud to have a friend like you! Couldn’t ask for a better brother…even though I know that the 4 months