One Step Closer

Past weeks have been busy. Exams and reading week are right around the corner. I'm focusing all my effort to training and my studies. My 5 km morning runs still starts at 6 am followed by a 3 hour study session (damn these 4th year courses are hard)...then I'd go to the gym and work on my techniques and do some sparring for 3 hours then study for another 2 hours...then head to the gym again to do some weight training for an hour and a half and spend the remainder of the night studying. I feel tired...feel weak and when you feel weak, you feel like you wanna just give up...but you gotta search within you, you gotta find that inner strength....and just pull it out of you and get....that motivation to not give up and not be a quitter, no matter how bad I wanna just fall flat on my face and collapse…This is my moment and every single minute I spend trying to hold onto itcause I may never get it again. So while I’m in it…I try to get as much out of it as I can and when my time is over I will not regret. This routine is a monotonous one. But insistence will inch me closer to a better tomorrow. I just have to follow my honest convictions, and stay strong. Lessons in my life taught me to persistent on myself and never imitate. So when December 28th comes…Until the roof comes off...until the lights go out…Until my legs give out from underneath me, I will not falter, I will stand tall, feels like no one can best me. For your family and true supporters they want me to succeed...they make you feel as though you’re taking their dream on your shoulders but when you go out there…when it comes time to do it they can do nothing…if they could…they’d give their heart for you…but they can’t …so its just me…all me…

I’ve spent most of my boxing career a safe distance from the spotlight and now the Florida glare beckons…and I’m confident it won’t blind me. This is the stage I’ve been dreaming all my life…for all the struggles and for all hard work…I’ve finally arrived. In the beginning it started with...“One man”…..me. With “One dream”…..my dream…that took my whole life to get this “One chance”…a chance of a lifetime that will hopefully bring me to unpathed waters and undreamed shores….it isn’t hard to be good at what you do from time to time but what’s tough is being good at what you do everyday consistently knowing that you are never a loser until the minute you quit trying…

In search of sunrise

...Black Hawk helicopters soar above me, gunshots can be heard close by...the sound of bullets piercing through the air...officers commanding their troops to move to their positions to respond to enemy fire...I observe the situation and surrounding that I'm in...dangerous yet familiar...I quickly realized that I'm in the middle of the desert in Afghanistan in the midst of an encounter with the Taliban forces...suddenly I feel a sharp pain on my chest, I drop to my knees...my head was pounding as I lose consciousness. I woke up all dizzy with my hands tied behind my back inside a cave, I called for help only to have the muzzle of an AK-47 shoved in my mouth. He yelled out a few words in Arabic and cocked the trigger followed with a loud gunshot...I jolted up as my alarm clock rang...my heart was racing, it's still dark outside. I thought to myself "yeah...that's my past...the rest of my life begins now..." I turn to check the time...it's 6am. Time for my morning run.

Some days I feel like shit, some days I wanna quit and just be normal for a bit. I would then be able to allocate my time to rekindle with old friends and broaden my network. Devoting nearly a decade in military service and my passion has sacrificed frequent visits to clubs and bars to break dance. I traded off being able to spend quiet summer nights camping in tranquility and sleeping under the starry night with crickets chirping. Furthermore, I also forgone the opportunity be able spend quality time with friends and family for a mid summer day barbecue or a day at the beach. But on the bright scheme of things, this passion has allowed me to be a little different, "to be a bright star" as my coach would say. Sometimes I ponder if the sacrifices I've made to get where I am today were even worthwhile and if this dream is even achievable or am I drowning in a delusional desire for greatness that I am willing to sacrifice everything for it. The power of hope that inspired me to dream seems to have blinded me from reality at times, but it all seems worthwhile after some success. I remember vividly that after I earned an impressive victory at Madison Square Garden in New York on the undercard, I went to a bar in New York. To my surprise, I had a celebrity’s welcome by the majority of the locals at the bar who saw me compete. People approached me to introduce themselves and to congratulate me on my win; some even asked for autographs. It was an overwhelming feeling. For everything I've missed, I've gained something else. For everything I've gained, I've lost in something else. I guess it all depends on our outlook towards life. I can either to choose to rejoice or regret. There is no telling how many miles you have to run while chasing a dream and ultimately we are responsible for what we are and what we wish to become. We have the power to make ourselves. Also, remember we only have one life. But if we work it in the right way...one life is all we ever need...

Its been a long busy week, assignments are raining down on me. As the semester soon draws to an end, my exams are around the corner, training needs to step up in both intensity and frequency, yet school takes precedence. Anxiety, tension and stress are building up with time running out. All these things that take utmost importance and distractions will not break my focus but we must thrive on it to sharpen both the mind and body. I must be perfect for that nightto win in this level of competition. It's my passion; to win is like my habit through hard work and suffering. It's difficult when I don't obtain it, I can't digest failure in what I worked so hard and diligently for. The future depends on what we do now. I've worked, studied and trained endlessly this week. I must thrive on the opportunity and rise to the occasion to face my challenger. The last month of training until the moment of truth that night will be a long and brutal one but I'm not afraid of difficulty or challenge it brings because they push me forward and reinforces my goal, which is to wake up everyday knowing that I'll be a better than yesterday. I live and believe in the beauty of my dreams because when you believe in yourself, the possibilities are endless. In the end, I realize that I’m truly blessed for my God-given talents and to be able to run countless miles and not give up to chase after my dreams while others were not offered such opportunities. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for, it’s my time to shine and I’ll seize the moment. I understand that we can't all be perfect, we can't always get or be what we want...we can't all be stars...but we can all twinkle in our own way...

As I return from my morning run, a run of inescapable serenity and a peace that embraces focus, I turned to watched sunrise...a breathtaking view it was as the world comes to life. I dwell in that moment for a while and reminiscent what my grandfather told me when I was small..."You were born to live, don't live because you were born. Don't go the way life takes you...but take life the way you want to go!" I smiled to myself and said, "Its gonna be a good day."

Starting on the right foot...

Today is my brother's convocation. I watched his highs and lows of his academic career, the consecutive all nighters that he pulled and the happiness he derived from those hard earned grades. He often took the road less travelled on his academic journey and did it alone, consequently taking the harder route too. As my closest friend and only brother, I took great pride in my brother's convocation, graduation and achievement. These past four years has been long and hard, I sincerely hope better days are ahead of him. As the convocation came to an end, all the graduates walked out with great pride and were welcomed by their friends and family like how celebrities are welcomed by their adoring fans. I came to realize the importance of these academic achievements and how I've always overlooked it....

As for me.....

its been the chronicles of final pursuit...a search of new world certification of unblemished but overlooked dominance...a longing for what once was the surely exhilarating sense of being the best at what you do. We are defined by choices and preferences that paved our legacies...and decisions that will shadow us forever. These will all come together as the brutal task in Florida lies ahead. I was taught to dream and to dream big and believe in it wholeheartedly into making it a reality. But every time I try, there's always a roadblock it seems. Its like taking one step forward and 2 steps back. Something is always in the way of what I truly want. I was told road blocks are setup in life to weed out the weak. Yet I don't fear adversity, life never intimidated me. Every morning I wake up to remembering how close I was to fulfilling this dream in March at the Olympic trials for Team Canada. I remember that Roy Jones Jr. once said "..cant no one ever stop me, can't nobody ever keep me down...when you come back losing...the worse loss you ever had in your life and you come back like nothing ever happened...now that's a true champion." Overcoming that loss is border line impossible for me it seem. It's deepest emotional scar of my failures. While others choose to indulge themselves in fun and pleasure, I've devoted a lifetime to this passion and I won't let my opponent best me for something I've worked so hard for. Everyone has their time and I truly believe that this is my time....and tournament in Florida is just slightly over a month away....