Phase shift

Unwritten

2012-01-01T21:22:00.000-08:00

A brotherhood was forged in blood, sweat and tears. We started our boxing career roughly the same time. We spoke great dreams and aspirations that one day we would climb to the top of the ladder and to bring home the gold medal in the Olympics. Since we were just kids starting out, we pushed each other to the limits to make that dream a reality. As iron sharpens iron, we excelled in the sport to become the best fighters representing our gym. Under the tutelage and guidance under watchful eyes of our coach, it created a platform in which our skills, technique and athleticism flourished.

It was a cold February morning in 2008. Reveille was 6am. I quickly got dressed and embraced the cold for a routine morning run. Today was the final qualifier for the Canadian Olympic boxing team in the 2008 Beijing Olympics. The streets in white snow so pure, it sparkled with the sweet scent of fresh air. As serene and relaxing it may have seen, my mind was quickly focused to the task at hand; qualifying for the Olympic team. The qualifier was a tournament elimination style match. I was victorious in all my fights, advancing to the finals. As I climbed into the ring for the finals, I thought to myself, “This is it…the moment I’ve been waiting for my whole entire life”. I looked across the ring at my opponent. To my startling surprise, Adam stood there in his corner mirroring my disbelief. The opening bell sounded, the 4 rounds that followed changed our relationship and comradery, forever. This was it. We’ve dreamed about it, we’ve talked about it and most importantly, we are passionate about it and we’ve dedicated a lifetime of sacrifice for it. We’ve come so far with countless of hard work, pushing beyond the point of exhaustion and pain. Winning would validate that it was worth it after all. 2008 Beijing Olympics meant the world to me. It meant more than just proudly representing and wearing the Canadian emblem on our team uniforms, but a chance to compete against the best in the world on the biggest stage in front of my home land, my heritage and most importantly the people of my nationality. What had quickly transpired was our rivalry and our quest for supremacy. But in every corner of the world, the quest for supremacy is in some form is evident. Men seek power over one another. The power that gets wealth, influence…and in its strongest forms; immortality – a guarantee of being remembered long after one’s greatest days have passed. This stage is created for the express purpose of determining supremacy.

But sometimes in extraordinary circumstances, the result inside the ring differs startlely from the realities evolved far beyond. Three and a half years ago, Adam and I found ourselves pitted against each other in the ring for the Olympic team qualifier match. And 4 exhilarating rounds of boxing, revealed only how even of a match we were. An evening that yielded a victory in his favour in the eyes of the judges but also an echoing quantity of dispute between the fight fans in attendance that night. The bout hardly determined who was superior. From the time passed since, both of us have become world class fighters. Both of us broadened our horizons; competing around the world in higher profile matches, racking up wins with higher levels of competition and thus, refining our art in the sweet science. However, there can only be one who can rise to a standing that transcends his place in the sport…the Olympics. But inside these ropes, we both know that in its purest of forms, supremacy remains very much unresolved.

I’ve taken my defeat like a man. I never had any excuses to discredit Adam’s great performance as the victor that night. When asked about my poor performance that fateful night at the Olympic qualifier, I simply replied that he was the better man that night.

And as the Olympic trials draw near this time around, it is destiny that we meet again. This is not just another outing for either one of us. Both of us have a lot to prove, personally and professionally. I’ve been carrying this loss on my mind for the last three and a half years. It’s time to settle the score. It’s time to show who really reigns supreme.
This time will be different. I’m a lot better fighter than I was before. My body , mind and soul has never been more primed. The passion has returned; the warmth in my heart, peace in my soul and fire in my blood. The quiet rhythms of rural life have provided an ideal hamlet for training.

So this is where three years of ecstasy and agony, confusion and defiance, anger and tragedy have left us. As two men who agree on one truth; that the only way to resolve our saga is to reunite, and renew scrutiny right where it began. In a place that has no tolerance for conflicting narratives and no room for excuses nor explanations, only a simple capacity to render the most direct of verdicts.

I was once told, “A man doesn’t require the approval of others. He’s willing to follow his heart wherever it leads him. When a man is following his heart-centered path, it’s of little consequence if the entire world is against him.” May the best man win, may we make peace of the final outcome and finally bury the hatchet between us.

Whatever is in the Way IS the Way

2011-05-27T21:16:00.000-07:00

[continued...]
I spent the next day relaxing at the pool party soaking in the sun at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino. It was definitely the place to be during the afternoon. I didn’t know anyone there...it was just me, my manager and 400 other attractive people. It was the pool parties that you’d see in movies like American Pie with a healthy girl to guy ratio. I met this guy, Freddy. He initially broke the ice by asking me for some workout tips. His hair was spiked up 5 inches high with the tips that looked so sharp that he could use it for self defence if he ever got mugged. He was a cool guy nonetheless. He bought me a drink and introduced me to his friends which all happen to be girls. They were all playboy bunnies, Sports Illustrated swimsuit models, girls of that nature. While I was having a conversation with them, I was expecting some dude to pounce on me or give me a glaring “fuck off! This girl is mine” look but luckily it didn’t happen. I sat down comfortably on my patio chair with him and his 8 other girls beside the pool. Aside from their good looks, his girls were really well-read, travelled and can hold an intelligent conversation. One of the girls in particular, Stacy and I really hit it off. We didn’t have much in common, however that made it all the more interesting. She’s a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model aspiring to become a nurse. We talked for hours and before we parted ways the ladies and Fred invited me to join them for the night at LAX Nightclub. Looks like we’re in for a lot of fun tonight...
If you ever go to Las Vegas and you get invited to LAX, you HAVE to go. It’s lavish and sophisticated with unrivalled decor, huge oversized mirrors and shimmering chandeliers, creating a modern and luxurious feel throughout the venue. The staff and bouncers really assist in creating the feel that you are of celebrity status. Unlike Toronto, people are more open and friendly. They are able to let lose a lot more, be themselves or be the devil for the night. Stacy kept me busy all night. The night was going perfect...too perfect. Stacy placed her hand softly in mine and led to me to my hotel room. Upstairs, we collapsed onto the bed. It seemed pretty obvious where all this was leading to. So obvious that I saw her begin to get nervous for the first time. I told her a story to calm her down.
The story was not my own of course. It’s about a man and a woman who randomly pass each other on the street one day. They both immediately get the intuition that the other is 100% “the one” for them. And they muster up enough courage to speak to each other. Everything was going well and perfect but a sliver of doubt creeps into their hearts because it’s too good to be true almost. So, to ensure that they were meant to be, they decided to part ways without exchanging contact information and let fate decide. If they run into each other again down the road, then they will know that it’s destiny for them to be together. However, as years pass without them being acquainted with one another again, they eventually date other people who are not their true love. Many years later, they finally pass by each other on the street again, but too much time has gone by and they don’t recognize each other anymore.
“You see,” I told Stacy. “They were lucky that fate allowed them to find each other once. When they both doubting it, it was like tearing up a winning lottery ticket and waiting for another one just to make sure they were really meant to win.”
There was silence between us but not an awkward silence. I could tell the metaphor sunk in. We slept in the same bed that night.
In the morning, I laid on the bed half awake with one eye half opened. She kissed me goodbye and we promised that we’d find each other later since we were hanging out at the same spots in Vegas anyway; we are bound to run into each other again and there wasn’t a need to exchange numbers.
During the day, my mind and body were craving for a workout. I wanted keep my boxing skills sharp. So I paid a visit to the IBA boxing gym for a training session. This is the place where many champions train at in preparation for big fights in Las Vegas. I love going to different places, meeting and training with different people from all walks of life; bringing together diverse ideas and skill sets. Ultimately I love to be around those who have a passion for what they do. At the IBA gym today was IBF Cruiserweight World Champion Steve Cunningham. He was training to defend his world title in February in Europe. He was an athletic specimen...you can’t see a single ounce of fat on him. He was chiselled like the statues of the Greek Gods. We sparred but his 6’3” frame and his 82” reach kept me at bay. He forced me outside where he picked me apart with jabs. He really got the better of me. People can say they’ve met world champions but now I can say I sparred with world champions. It was an honour to spar him and there’s a lot to learn from him even outside the square 4-sided ring. There's no macho swaggering from him. Each day, he seems enchanted by the wonder of the road he has traveled. He goes to great lengths to avoid disappointing anyone yet he came from poor humble beginnings. The ability to fight for survival was ingrained in him as a child. In the ring, he attacks with savage fury. He has achieved greatness as a fighter. But unlike many superstars who rise from poverty to glorious heights, Steve is appreciative of those who helped him along the way and truly grateful for what he has now. His presence is uplifting and he brings an aura of good will.
After training was done, I was in my hotel room looking over the Las Vegas strip. The bright lights almost promised a night of fun and excitement. But I wanted to avoid the big parties or crowded bars and clubs, at least just for tonight. I got in the cab and went to Red Rock Hotel and Casino Resort, just off of the strip. It’s a calmer place to kick back and relax yet still having the sophisticated Las Vegas feel to it. It was very dreamy there. I was quickly seduced by the strong alcohol and hallucinatory music at the banquet hall that was turned into an upscale bar for tonight. As I order another Corona, a woman’s voice to my right asked, “Hey, where’re you from?”
I turned around to see a lightly freckled girl with gingered long hair dressed a pink dress that hugged tightly around her body. She was pretty good looking.
Our conversation quickly turned to stories of sexual adventures and she began talking about an orgy she had recently experienced. It soon became clear that the intent of the story was not just to share but it arouse.
It worked.
She puts her arms around me and pulls me in closer. She leans in for a kiss but suddenly a woman taps her on the shoulder. I pulled back to see Stacy standing there.
“We’re leaving the club now,” she told the girl coldly. “You coming with us?”
“Yeah.” The girl said, grabbing her purse off the counter. Then, to me: “Sorry, my friend’s usually not this rude. Nice meeting you.”
It all happened so fast and unexpectly that I didn’t have time to explain myself to Stacy. I had no idea she’d been in the bar the whole time, just as she had no idea I was there...until she saw me making out with her friend…well not exactly making out but about to get caught in the act. I suppose there was nothing I could say to her anyway, other than she was right when she said that meeting me was too good to be true. I’d already hurt her.
I walked back to my hotel room; I took the long way…taking every step to reflect on what just happened. I always try to be a man of integrity but I fell short this time. As I opened the door to my hotel room, I noticed a box of chocolate on the bedside table. I guess Stacy left it behind for me. Damn, it made me feel even worst. I was disappointed in my susceptibility to my lower impulses, of the fact that it was I and not her who so recklessly tore up the lottery ticket we’d been given.
The next day, I got a call from Freddy. “There’s a sick party…I mean SICK bro!” He proclaimed. “You gotta come check it out!” The tone and sound of his voice was really convincing.
“Did you hear anything from Stacy?” I asked.
“No…why? I thought you were hooking up with her bro.”
“I’ll explain later.” I got ready and went to the lobby to the passenger pickup area where he was already there waiting for me. He was rocking a pink sombrero to match his colourful personality, I guess but I was more impressed by his black Mercedes SL 63 AMG convertible with matching rims. I told him what happened with me and Stacy and I apologized for it because Freddy was the one who introduced her to me. It was also his personal friend too.
“Don’t worry bout it bro,” he said as he shifted gears. “Shit happens right, you know better for next time...” There was silence between us for a bit, just the sound of the wind as he accelerates. “Don’t worry, she ain’t coming to the party today. So just stay positive and have fun. It’s your last day in Vegas ain’t it?”
“Yeah.” I said under my breath.
We parked underground at the MGM Grand Hotel & Casino. It’s the place where historic events in combat sports have taken place. I’d like to compete at MGM Grand Garden Arena one day myself. It would definitely be one of my greatest achievements.
The event we were going to was Wet Republic. It was the ultimate ultra pool party with the ambiance of South Beach combined with a seductively modern vibe. They had two huge salt water pools and this was by far the biggest pool party I’ve been to yet. Freddy seemed like he knew almost everyone at the pool party and he was introducing me to all these beautiful women, models, actress and high profile/successful people; making me almost forget about Stacy and the whole incident.
“Every girl goes around wanting to be treated like a princess,
but I don't need someone to do that…I want a partner in crime," says one girl with a flirty wink as she applies her lip gloss on.
Another girl tells me, “I’m not special…I’m just limited edition,” with a devious smile.
We all have the same mindset here; we enjoy the outdoors a lot more than late night bars and clubs. Instead of the drunk guy dancing on the dance floor, we were keeping it classy here, soaking up the sun sipping cocktails.
For my final night in Las Vegas, I took it easy and headed down to Cleopatra's Barge lounge with some friends. It was a luxurious floating lounge at Caesars Palace. It was an ornate replica of the sturdy but graceful craft that transported the royalty of Egypt on the Nile River in the time of Julius Caesar. The view, décor and the beautiful and cheerful people made it quickly become very dreamy. People were very open and we were able to meet a lot of different from all over the world. In the corner of my eye, I saw a girl that resembled Stacy. I looked again and there she was standing there talking to her friends. I rubbed my eyes just to make sure I wasn’t seeing things.
I walked up and talked to her. She surprisingly was happy to see me; as if the whole incident never happened. My friends seemed pretty interested in talking with her friends. So as hours passed, eventually, it was just the two of us again.
She tells me she’s in a serious relationship. Yet we still get along perfectly.
“I’m sorry,” I finally say, “I’m sorry for making out with your friend. I was being stupid. I regretted it every day since.”
“You’re just a man,” She sighs.
“Are you saying my behaviour is excusable because of my gender or are you disappointed because I acted like a typical man?
“I guess both.” As she let out another sigh. I watch her lips sip her cranberry vodka drink. “I should’ve told you that I had a boyfriend when we met.”
“Is it the person you are with right now?”
“Yeah. But it’s not perfect...not true love.”
“Then why stay with him in the first place?”
“I guess...” She pauses, looks down to reflect, “It’s ‘cause it’s convenient love.”
An hour later, we find ourselves at the Luxor hotel where I’m staying.
She had a taste of some of my culinary skills and then, tired and tipsy, we fell asleep on the sofa.
When I woke up, she was gone. I search the living room, kitchen and bathroom for a note. There was none. The only memory of her in the room was the box of chocolate on the bedside table top. Once again, I have no way to reach her. For some odd reason, I have a feeling that’s the way she wanted it.
That was a few months ago. I’m back in Toronto now. I’ve been studying all night and there’s nothing to eat in the house to keep me going. I opened my cupboard and there it was, the box of chocolate that Stacy left behind while I was in Las Vegas. The candy has turned brittle from age, lost its shape and faded from brown to inedible gray. There is no point in keeping it anymore. It will only attract bugs.

Vegas Chronicles 2011 (Part 1)

2011-03-19T15:41:00.000-07:00

So I was in Las Vegas earlier this year. Sounds like a long time ago but it was actually a month ago. I was at CatHouse, an ultra lounge at Luxor hotel with luxe design inspired by the look and feel of a 19th century European bordello. It’s quite the glamorous nightlife destination along the strip, featuring large platforms for dancing and intimate décor surrounded by beautiful people. I was just relaxing and chilling with some on my Las Vegas buddies and my manager. As the night progressed, my buddies floated around the bar talking to the ladies…after all it is Vegas and what happens here stays here. It left me with only my manager at the table with me. It was time to talk business with upcoming fights and promotional offers to consider. Our conversation was interrupted when a middle aged man approached us curly brown hair, laughing eyes. He was wearing eye liner to extenuate his eyes. He had the Jack Sparrow from the Pirates of the Caribbean, kind of walk. Either that or he was kind of drunk. He introduced himself as Andy. He worked as a writer for the Rolling Stones Magazine.

“My buddy over there,” he pointed to a man in the pin stripe dress shirt and pants sitting in the sofa relaxing with his legs open. “He’s heartbroken. He lost his perfect love.”

I watched him for a few seconds. I noticed he had two pretty good looking classy brauds on each side leaning on him. He had a big grin on his face that stretched from ear to ear.

“I wish my heartbreaks were like that.” I laughed.

“Poor guy. Having all those hot women throw themselves at him. I do feel really bad for him,” my manager said with sarcasm.

I was waiting for Andy to stop talking and leave us alone. But when he started telling stories about his experiences he had with VIP concert backstage passes, traveling and interviewing the biggest rock stars and celebrities in the country let alone the world, he became quite an interesting character. Since he was 18, he had been under orders from magazines and newspapers to step in the lives of musicians, actors and artists, and somehow find out who they really are underneath the mask they presented in public. He spoke of playing FIFA World Cup soccer video game on a moving bus with rock bands; Metallica, U2, Kings of Leon and Aerosmith just to name a few. He learned how to survive like the rock stars did without showering for 7 days straight and sleeping inches away from 5 or 6 other people who also haven’t showered for 7 consecutive days. He spoke with their drug habits and groupie orgies…interesting stuff. When story time was over, he invited me to do some jiu-jitsu and submission fighting with him and his boys. He claims that Mixed Martial Arts are superior to boxing. But little did he know I have 5 MMA bouts under my belt. He talked just enough smack to get me motivated.

“I’m actually gonna take you up on that offer,” I told him.

“Tomorrow at 4 it is. See ya there,” he shook my hand and darted out the door. It felt like he scammed me and now he’s running out before I have come to realization that I’ve been hustled.

I decided not to drink because it would ruin my cardio for the challenge from Andy that laid in front of me tomorrow. I took Andy’s challenge pretty seriously and pretty competitively and competition is ultimately where I’m at my best. So I called it a night early even though there were a few cute girls I wanted to talk to at the bar. As I made my way back to my hotel room, people were just heading out of the night and even though the night seemed pretty promising, something inside told me hitting heading to bed was a better option.

So it’s bright and sunny the next morning.

“Sixty-nan degrees which is around ate-teen degrees Celsius for you Canadians,” said the taxi driver in heavy Southern accent, when I asked him how hot it is today. “Yo igloo won’t hold up in dis’ kinda weather.”

“Ya I miss polar bear hunting,” I played along.

“I’m fuckin’ wit ya kid. I know you guys don’t live in igloos.”

I laughed as I paid for the cab fare and gave him a 20% tip...ya I was feeling generous that day. He spread the cash in his hand like a deck of cards. A pretty hot blonde dressed in a hot pink tube top with matching heels, lipstick and nails walks past his cab. He whistles. She turns to see who it was and I can tell she was rolling her eyes under her Ray Bans aviators, covering virtually half of her face. The cab driver stuck his head out of the sun roof. “I’m whistling at the cash…not at chu,” he said as he held up the cash that I paid him with. “So, don’t feel too lucky gal,” he said with a smile. The girl in hot pink gave a cheeky grin, spun around and rolled her eyes. “Vegas girls are like that,” he shouted to me as I was making my way to the entrance of Xtreme Couture, making sure the girl heard ever word of it, “So get used to it.” Even as a cab driver, he never seems to live life unnoticed.

Xtreme Couture was huge for a MMA gym. It had an authenticity that the polished high end health clubs couldn’t imitate. Furthermore, there was an indescribable energy in there that was contagious. Andy was inside already, clustered around a group of men telling jokes to one another. You could tell they were fighters with their cauliflower ears and scar tissue around their eyes. Above all they were all fit. Andy gestured for me to come over and everyone around him turned to see who he was gesturing to. Andy introduced me to the people he was talking to. The gentleman on his right was a guy in his late 30’s early 40’s. He introduced himself as Randy and he was the owner of the gym. The man to Andy’s left was a bald by the name of Frank. The other 2 guys were Erik and Brad. All of them exerted extreme confidence and Frank came off a little bit brash and cocky but still respectful. Randy asked me if I’ve ever fought or ever done this before. He even asked me to sign a disclaimer before warming up. Randy and Frank looked awfully familiar though. I thought to myself where have I seen them. Just then reality hit me. I was in Xtreme Couture Las Vegas, this is Randy Couture’s gym. The myth, the MMA legend, 48 year old UFC light heavy weight fighter was standing right in front of me. And the other was Frank Trigg, the welterweight fighter who fought Matt Hughes and George St. Pierre. I apologized to Randy and Frank for not realizing, I told them it was Vegas and I had too many beers last night but in reality I had zero. I told them I was a huge MMA fan in which I actually was. Randy seems to have less wrinkles, when he’s on TV. I guess he gets airbrushed every time he’s on set on television. As I was training with Randy and Frank, they showed me techniques and tactics used on their previous opponents. They analyzed and broke down their game plan against various opponents revealing its depth and complexity which really demonstrated that combat sports was very much a thinking man's game, the tough guy is going to get hurt in this sport. Frank looked bigger than he did on TV and Randy was just a monster that employed brilliant techniques with in wrestling and jiu jitsu even at the age of 48. Even though Randy outweighed me by 50 lbs but whenever he had the top position it felt like a bear was on top of me. He was freakishly strong, his take downs were comparable to getting hit by a truck. It knocks the wind out of me. They had the wrestlers' trademark strength, power and a strong work ethic. It was a human chess match and every time I made a move or attack, I was susceptible to a counter attack and as professional fighters, Randy and Frank took full advantage of that. I asked Randy Couture regarding his up coming fight with Lyoto Machida. He told me he's ramped up about even though he hasn't started training camp due to his acting commitments for his upcoming movie "Setup" starring Bruce Willis and 50 Cent, release date is sometime later this year, followed by The Expendables II coming out next year in 2012. And of course he's working closely with Affliction on his Xtreme Couture clothing line. I was hesitant to ask him questions regarding retirement. Randy’s words of wisdom were, “When the voice and the vision on the inside become more profound and clear than the opinions on the outside, then you have mastered your life.” At the time he told me that, I was too caught up in the moment. I was working through techniques with him and trying to find ways to establish a dominant position. So it didn’t sink in at the moment he said it.

Later on in the training session, I trained mostly with Andy, Brad and Erik. Grappling with Brad and Erik was a little awkward simply because they smelled like girl perfume the whole time. It was so distracting. I’m on the bottom position and all I smell is the sweet scent of fragrance which brings me to the thought of hot chicks and then I look up, its only Erik and Brad on top of me trying to rip one of my limbs off. It's not wrong to have a sweaty guy on top of you if you're straight...it's what you do with the sweaty guy on top of you that determines it. It was only later that I found out that both of them were adult film stars, aka male porn stars. They had just finished shooting a porno scene and here I am grappling with them.

“Don’t you boys take showers after you do porn,” I said as I cranked on an arm bar hoping he would tap but he rolled out of it.

“Nope, we were doing a scene outside in the desert today,” Erik replied as he passed my guard. “No showers in the desert. Sorry.”

“I noticed you said ‘we’, you should’ve told me earlier that you guys enjoyed were pummeling each other from behind on camera. I woulda been a bit more prepared.” I said as I locked in half guard.

“ ’We’ as in me n’ Brad were both in the scene together in a group sex scene…having sex with females within the industry...not with each other.”

“So boys n girls were sweating and dripping all over each other and you buys didn’t bother to take a shower?” I said

“Nope.” He secured my leg and went for a leg lock.

“Well, thanks for sharing her ‘essence’ with me…I totally appreciate that,” I said sarcastically as I tapped.

He laughed. “Your welcome. She’s a hot! My fav girl in the biz. Kayden’s her name, check her out,” he said with an evil grin. “The industry is full of hot chicks, why the fuck do you think I love my job so much! It’s not for the money. It’s for the amazing sex life.” He was so proud of himself, like a child who’s taken his first shit on a grown-up toilet. If I were him, I’d keep my occupation on the down low. I wonder what he writes for as his occupation when it came time to file his taxes. “One more question,” I asked. “You don’t happen to have STD’s do you.” Erik grab a bottle of Mr. Clean detergent and held it up to me. I got the point.

We roll for 3 hours straight, only stopping for water breaks. We pushed each other to our physical limits until every muscle in our body was sore with the burning pain sensation of lactic acid. Andy told me he loved this feeling, “The great art of life is sensation, to feel that we exist, even in pain.” He lifted his arms, embracing the moment. “There are 3 things that make me feel alive; training, sex and working out.” It was the first thing I actually agreed with him on since we met last night. Throughout the 3 hours of training, I managed to only submit Andy out 4 times while he and the rest of the crew got the better of me.

When we were all done training, I looked around the gym for Randy and Frank Trigg. They both seemed to have been gone for the day. Everyone who knows me know that I’m not big on taking pictures, but it was the first time in a long while that I wanted to have a picture taken with Randy Couture and Frank Trigg, and thanking them for their warm hospitality and training. It didn’t hit me until later that night that I rolled with one of the greatest fighters of our time, our era, Randy “The Natural” Couture.

What I realized is that most of the time while training with these UFC fighters was that I was waiting for just one moment of truth or authenticity with Randy Couture and Frank Trigg; underneath the flashing cameras, the limelight, the screaming of adoring fans, the professional athlete status and the celebrity persona that masks them from their true self. But once they stepped onto the canvas of the octagon cage, they shook off all the star dust, leaving only their competitive drive and spirited motivation. The training we did with and against one another was a display of their true self and more authentic than any words can describe. After all, you can tell a lot about somebody or a situation in a minute. But only if you choose the right minute. This was 180 of them.

[Continued...]

Superstar

2011-02-19T21:10:00.001-08:00

I am not a star. I live most of my life as a normal person, going through struggles that an everyday person would. It’s strange to me when white collar corporate fight fans approach me with envy, congratulating me on my fights, my performance, athletic ability and so forth. But in reality I am the one putting these successful businessmen on a pedestal. Their business smarts coupled with countless hours of studying to obtain professional designations is something to behold. I look up to these businessmen. When my athletic career is over, I hope to be as successful as them one day, working their jobs and contributing to society. I don’t need to be a star in boxing but I fancy the idea of making my mark in the business world. A lot of people ask what I do when I don’t have a fight scheduled or what will I do when I stop competing altogether. That’s when there will be no cheerleaders; no ring cards girls, no public media attention. It won’t be about winning or losing anymore. But it’s my lifestyle to reach limits, going as far as I can go and then going farther. It will no longer be about collecting titles but it will still be about collecting hours…hours of hard work…hours of pain. However, beating the odds, fulfilling my destiny, none of that will matter anymore. But I'm still competing for the ultimate victory. The victory over myself, becoming the best I can be in, every way possible. I pledged my heart to the sport the same way I approach life. I train, play and fight every moment with passion. Displaying dignity, respect and integrity. I’ll be clutch with no backup plan. I’ll always have the drive to succeed, show resiliency in the struggle, humility in the spotlight and the magnetism to be never forgotten. I don’t want to be a superstar. I want be better than that...I want to be me...just me!

Square One

2011-01-22T22:42:00.001-08:00

2010 was a great year. I closed it off being sick in bed…not a particularly fun but definitely memorable…in a horrible way. It was a great year nonetheless. I finally graduated; University of Toronto Bachelors of Business Administration. Took me five years to graduate…thanks to me screwing around second year. I’m not a big fan of formal education for it kills curiosity as Einstein mentioned. I’m ready to embrace the new challenges of the working environment. Nine to five! Even though, a second degree, graduate school and/or obtaining a designation (i.e. CFA, CMA) do cross my mind at times, I’m looking for full time working experience. In terms of my boxing career, I usually aim for 3-4 fights a year. Various medical conditions and commitments hindered me from meeting my target. I was only able to fit 2 fights this year. The goal is still to make it to the 2012 Olympic Games in London. However, the lack of progress and improvement left a bitter taste in my mouth. I’m always my harshest critic. I need a renewed sense of urgency and dedication for 2011, or else I can dream on and qualifying for Olympic Team would only be wishful thinking. Even though success is 99% failure, I’m confident I will always make it; my mind is not built for failure. It was a great year nonetheless. I shared a lot of happy moments and memories at my friends and classmates’ convocation. The five gruelling years we’ve spent together through the daily studying grinds, bitching about the sessional prof who can’t speak proper English, the work load, our ugly Scarborough campus that looks like a World War II bunker. Damn, our school is so ugly that the latest Resident Evil movie jail scene was taken at our campus. Geez. But for others, it was a year of breakups with their significant others. I learned over the course of the year to trust and to forgive others because in the end we are all sinners. We were born to make manifest the glory of the divine within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in every one of us and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. Life isn’t perfect, nor is it a mathematical equation where input exactly equals to output. To those who went through a tough breakup this year, I know you notice people around you smiling, laughing and enjoying yourselves while you are wrapped in your blanket of sorrow. They are having a great time because they have made it through the darkness and have come out stronger. Choose to be who you are today; choose to smile, to laugh and to love. Even if you are hurt along the way, don’t let it ever make you stop. You have so much love to give and yes, sometimes it is taken for granted but that's alright, because it touches and encourages others who appreciate it. Life is like a game of poker, it’s not so much of the cards you have been dealt but more of how well you play your hand. As Mother Theresa once said,
“The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; do good anyway…
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough; give your best anyway…
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”

Carpe 2011!

Apparition

2010-11-22T20:05:00.000-08:00

September 10th

Distractions kept lingering during my training camp. I have no choice, for academics top my priority charts. My coach says my patented laser eye of focus diminished for the pre-fight preparation. Veronika calls me calls me practically every to study hard and train like a mad man so I can kick ass on fight night. “I saw him (Trevor) train on the open workout media day. He looks really scary…you better be ready and you better win.” I smiled, Trevor Smith, nicknamed “The Hurricane” better be ready cause a real hurricane is coming for him.
The contest is at super welterweight, 154 lbs. I flew in this morning and touched down at 12:15pm in Philadelphia. I weighed 179 lbs at the start of training camp and got my weight down to 160 when I got to my hotel and weighed myself. It’s time to take a hot bath and sauna to sweat out 6 pounds. The last 6 pounds came off pretty easy. At the weigh-ins he looked ripped but I could tell he was drained from the weight cut. This is someone who is 6’ 1” who usually walks around at 185 lbs or more. His skin on his face was flaking from how much water he had depleted out of his body. I’ll be sure to take advantage of that tomorrow night. Of course, Trevor drew the most cheers from the crowd being the hometown hero while I was surprised that I didn’t get booed much. He was a quiet guy, respectable person who seems to avoid smack talk and let his fists do the talking on fight night. After the weigh-ins, my team and I went out for some pasta at a local Italian restaurant. Veronika joined us as well. “No sex the night before the fight,” my coach says to me in front of Veronika. I laugh and looked over at Veronika beside me. She was blushing.

September 11th

The arena filled up. The crowd in audience was larger than I had imagined. I was the main event and the fight coordinator back stage told me it show time. My entrance song was Eminem’s “Till I Collapse”. He made his entrance with Jay Z, Kanye West, Rihanna's "Run This Town" and when he was introduced by the ring announcer, the arena went berserk. The ring I was standing on was shaking from how loud the place was. It sent chills down my spine. When both our national anthems were sung, the opening bell started off the first round. I jumped at the opportunity to catch him early in the first round. He covered up brilliantly. I had to use my footwork to explore angles. I got him with a few hard body shots and one straight into the solar plexus. He clipped the top of my head couple times but I was alright. My coach told me in my corner that he over commits on his left hook and that he couldn’t handle my speed. So he instructed me to increase my punch volume after I blind him with my jab. Second round commenced, we both started out strong, coming into the center of the ring exchanging blow for blow. I managed to clip him with my left hook on the tip of his nose and he backed away. His nose was crooked to the side. I broke his nose for sure. He backed away quickly and regained his composure. As the round progressed blood was pouring down both nostrils of his nose but he had the fighting spirit within him. He didn’t shy away one bit and actually became more aggressive. The crowd was behind him chanting his name. With a few seconds left in the second round, we clashed heads, the corner of his forehead hit my temple. It knocked the equilibrium out of me and I clinched with him to hold myself up. The round ended and I wobbled to my corner. I tried to walk normally back to my corner to not show weakness but now I was dizzy and for once the distance from where I was in the ring to my corner seemed so far away. I knew I was winning all two rounds. I went to my corner catching my breath. My trainer gave me instructions. For some odd reason my ears were plugged and my vision blurred. The canvas under me felt like it was swaying side to side. My consciousness returned when my trainer Chris punched me lightly on the chest, “Get him this round!” The bell rung and the 3rd round began. He came out of his corner guns blazing and swarmed me. I stayed relaxed bobbing, weaving and parrying through all the punches. He connected with an uppercut I never saw coming. I could practically feel my brain hit the back of my skull. It was a like a short circuit in my body. It zapped all the energy out of me. My legs became rubber. I staggered to the ropes to hold me up. He kept firing shots at me at a violently fast rate. I covered up well avoiding most direct hits. The crowd were screaming on their feet. My head was faced down and the ropes were the only thing holding me up. I was in serious trouble. Suddenly, I had a blurred tunnel vision; my ears filtered the noise leaving only to hear my own heart beat. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. My mind flashes back to my family, friends, my training staff and everyone who got me where it was today. All the hard training day in and day out, I had a vision of them all turning their backs on me and walking away from me. “You gotta fight back or I’m stopping the fight!” yelled the referee. I snapped back to reality. I suddenly felt a surge of energy. My legs stiffened and were under me again. I started to roll with the punches and countered with a hard body shot followed by a hard uppercut straight up the middle. His head cocked back. I pushed him back. He came back at me with his right hand like the punches didn’t affect him at all. I ducked under, torque my hips and came up with a thunderous left hook sending him to the canvas. His body was stiff on the point of impact when my fist connected to his chin. His eyes were open but he lied on the mat faced down motionless. The referee didn’t even do the standing eight count and signaled the fight was over. I helped Trevor up to his feet when he woke up from the knock out. The crowd acknowledged with applause for an appreciation for a good fight. As I made my exit back to the locker room the fight fans stopped me to take pictures and sign autographs for them. I stayed until every single one of them was satisfied. Surprisingly, one of the people that requested a picture with me was the biker who swung at me at the bar last month. He recognized me and congratulated me on my victory. He took back what he said at the bar last month and gave me a sincere apology. He lifted his shirt up showed me his body cast from the punch I threw that broke his ribs. He asked me to sign it and I willingly did. I apologized for breaking his ribs. He replied, “I deserved it champ! Don’t be sorry…you fought an awesome fight tonight!”

Damn, I love putting on a good show!

Cessation

2010-10-19T23:15:00.000-07:00

I find myself starring up at the bright white lights in the board room bright and early at 9am. Looks like everyone had a good night sleep except me. The door swings open Veronika walks in and serves us coffee. She brushes me as she struts past me. I turn to her and she winks at me in return. The rest of the meeting went well, exponentially better and more productive than yesterday. The promotion and event seems to be shaping up. It begs the question, am I going to be competing in this boxing event? They forecast a sell out for the event due to the fact that Philadelphians are big fight fans and Trevor Smith, a local boxing standout born and raised in Philly draws a big audience as a hometown hero. So once again, if I choose to fight on the card, I’m the underdog which is a role that I have grown accustomed to now. A sellout crowd in attendance for the event and fighting in the main event translates to a big payout and more money in each of our pockets. The only thing holding me back is the fact that I’ll be working full time at the CNE casino while studying for a full course with exams approaching which is already too much on my plate already. It was too early to make a commitment to compete I normally need 8 to 12 weeks to prepare for a fight and let my body peak but this promotion is in 6 weeks away. I told them that I’ll make my decision one week from today. It wasn’t the answer they were looking for but I hope they can live with it.
Veronika drove me and my manager to the airport with Allison in the backseat making out with him. Before I left I wanted to get her Facebook but I found out she deleted her account. “A lot of guys ask to take pics with me and then they post it on their Facebook and tell everyone they hit it. So I got fed up and deactivated my account." I don’t blame her, I have her digits anyway. Here we are standing outside the departure gates. She gave me a hug and a kiss and I was on my way. The automatic doors of the departure gate slid open and walk through it. A familiar voice yells my name, “Kelton!” I turn around Veronika was sprinting towards me. The automatic doors were closing. I forcefully push the door open. She ran and gave me a long hug and a kiss. Her eyes were full of tears. She told me she loved me and made me promise that I would keep in touch with her. I agreed. It was time to head back home…
A week later I finalized the fight on September 16th in Philly. As an athlete it is hard to turn down competition. When you hear the roaring of thousands in the crowds, the standing ovations; its ecstasy, it’s what we live and train so hard for. Little did I know it wasn’t the wisest move on my part…
Working at CNE casino is probably the most enjoyable job I’ve ever had. I get along with the crew from last year and there were some new faces around as well. The new pit managers took some time to warm up to but I found out that they were sincere and good people in the end. Last year was more fun probably because I was working night shift and the breakfast runs after work were awesome. It made me enjoy all nighters. But this year studying for exams spoiled the fun at CNE casino. I was running back every break to study for exams. I would wake up train for two hours study for another hour and grab lunch while studying and then study for another hour. Then I would head to work and then go home to sleep. On days off I would study for 6 hours and train for another 5 hours. It was a rush to fulfill the tasks everyday but the sport of boxing has taught me to have my chin down, hands up and keep pressing on and army training has given me the discipline to soldier on even under even the harshest environments. Speaking of the army, the highlight of working at the CNE Casino was actually watching the Air Show on my way to work. I never knew it was such a big attraction. The EX was packed with people sitting down watching the Air Show. The spectators stretched from Lake shore all the way to the grassy areas on the Gardiner. It was quite an emotional experience for me. For the thousands in attendance showing their support and respect for the men and women, like myself in the military was overwhelming for me. Secondly, one of the F-18 pilots at the Air Show whom I know personally was also the pilot who delivered an air strike for my team and I when we were in danger in hostile territory in Afghanistan. If he showed up for his air strike just a few seconds later, I would not be writing this. Other than that studying for these 4th year courses also required a lot time, focus and dedication. The stress and monotony gradually built up to frustration which translated into aggression which clearly showed in my training but I stayed focus and disciplined to the teachings of my coaching staff. I have a lot of anger to unleash on my opponent. Normally I need to train a good 5-6 hours a day of training for a fight with one day break. But for this training camp I don’t have that luxury and as a result I can tell my conditioning is not where it needs to be. I feel it, my coaching staff knows it. We never mention the issue out loud but for once I can see worry in his eyes for the upcoming fight. But I’m not afraid, I remember Veronika telling me, “I'm only as strong as the coffee I drink, the hairspray I use and the friends I have…” I don’t drink coffee, I don’t use hairspray, I use hair gel sometimes but she sure as hell is right about the latter part of it…

Return

2010-09-30T14:07:00.000-07:00

Life has been busy keeping me from my writing. Gee, I don’t even know where to start. So to continue where I left off from the last post…so much has happen, this will be a lengthy one to catch up…

July 31st
I’m sipping my morning coffee heading to the airport at 11am for my flight to Philly at 1pm. The flight was just under an hour and a half. It was smooth sailing right through from Toronto Pearson Airport to Philadelphia International Airport to the Holiday Inn Philadelphia Stadium. My impressions of Philly was that it was just like just another busy, clustered city which made me fantasize the Las Vegas lavish hotels and lifestyle that I was used to. There was no time to get accustomed to my new surroundings. As soon as I dropped my belongings off at the hotel room, it was time to get prepped up for the promoters’ meeting. My manager and I briefly touched on our expectations on the elevator going up to the business suite.
“I invested a quarter of a fuckin’ mil and I can’t get these cheap fuckin’ sponsors to sponsor 10% of what I put in….for fuck sakes, 25 grand isn’t even a month’s worth of lap dances at the titty bar,” said the fat gentleman in his 40’s. His name was Kevin. He was big fellow, his body type resembles a bear and his skin was so pale that it seems as though he hasn’t seen sunlight in some time. I laughed thinking to myself if he stopped going to strip joints so much, maybe his marriage would work. He continued as though he was read my mind, “Fuck! Too bad my wife let herself go 3 years ago…now to get back on topic…” there was knocking on the door, a pretty secretary walked in to serve us refreshments. Half of the gentlemen were trying to get in her pants, a quarter of them were checking her out in her low cut top and short skirt, and the rest of us just didn’t care and wanted to get the meeting over with to move on to better things. She seemed unfazed and seemed as though she was used to the attention she was getting. She was friendly and kind of sweet; I guess it was in her job description when she got hired. She had long stringy blond hair, a nice tanned complexion, compact frame, angular face. The kind of girl you’d meet in the sales office of a gym. Once our refreshments were served, she exited the room quietly. For the rest of the 3 hour meeting, nothing productive was accomplished; just these 15 or so men released their testosterone, personalities and egos upon one another. The collective bargaining and negotiations for the September 10th bout all seemed to have failed. Finally, we agreed to call it a day and revisit this meeting tomorrow. We were all sick and tired of staring at each other for so long anyway and some of them had bad breath and serious body odour problems. I was last to walk out of the board room, the pretty secretary was just outside waiting for us to leave the room so she could clean up. I coughed as I exited the room and I turned to her saying, “We need some frebreeze in here. It’s a workplace hazard in there.” She chuckled, “I’ll be sure to have a bottle for you tomorrow, Mr. Fung.” I smiled as I walked past her. I turned around to where she was standing. She was still standing there looking my way. I told her that I was new in town and asked if she wanted to hang out since I wasn’t staying in town for long. “Are you asking me out?” She replied with a devious smile. “Yeah, of course! Look at cha!” I said. She laughed. We exchanged numbers and went our own merry ways. Her name was Veronika. “Sounds like a name of a porn star,” my manager said after I told him about her. “Well, I’m hooking you up with one of her friends.” I said as I browsed through my call log. I called Veronika and suggested dinner with her. “I’ll be downstairs in 20 minutes,” she said sweetly. Just as I was going to hang up, I blurted out, “Oh ya…” I put my phone on speakerphone, “my manager needs a date for tonight, are any of your friends available?...and cute ones please… he’s a good guy, warranty certified.” I heard through the phone in the background of another girl giggling. Veronika laughs and says the predictable, “All my friends are pretty, tell him to get ready, my friend doesn’t like men that take too long to get ready. I’ll be down at the hotel in 20.”
She picked us up in a BMW M3 convertible. Her friend, Allison was in the back seat. She was a model tall brunette with big sparkling eyes, wearing a tight white tube top. Definitely a worthy date for my manager. Veronika looked great with her red dress extenuating her hips; she had an impeccable fashion taste. I rode shotgun and I turned around and I can tell my manager was excited, looks like we are in for a good night.
My manager and I each got our own tables at dinner. It was a fancy restaurant where it was dim and candles were placed on every table to create the mood. The food and service were amazing. I found out that aside from working at the corporate office, she also put her good looks into use by modeling part time. She used to be a GOGO dancer and bartender for nightclubs but stopped as her sleep patterns became irregular. I told her I was gunning for the 2012 London Olympics and that I’m thinking about fighting on the September 10th boxing event. She was really impressed and said I didn’t seem like the type.
After dinner, we went for drinks at a really nice high-end pub while my manager and Allison decided to go back to the hotel together. The pub was pretty packed with all different types of people there. We had a few drinks and good laughs. The Philadelphia crowd was very friendly unlike Torontonians. Random people were buying me drinks as I told them stories of my past fighting as a soldier in Afghanistan. Veronika was sitting close beside me, holding my hand and whispered in my ear, “These people really like you.” Her breath was both intoxicated and intoxicating. Later that evening, there was sudden loud shattering of beer bottles. It stole everyone’s attention and everyone looked in that direction forming a circle around the incident. The pub dropped to a dead silence. “You FUCKIN’ China man!…you spilt your drink all over my leather jacket,” a tall Caucasian man screamed at the top of his lungs. His face was all red and his blood vessels were poppin gout of his temple. He was a big tall, standing well over six feet weighing well over 200 lbs for sure, looked liked a cross between a bar room brawler and a Hells Angels biker. The skinny Chinese guy scrambled to get a paper towel to wipe the beer off the leather jacket.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he sheepishly said with a heavy Chinese accent. I could tell he feared for his life.
“Don’t fuckin’ touch my jacket chink!” The biker kicked the Chinese man right in the stomach sending him flat on his back 5 metres away from where he was standing. “You Chinese people fuck up everything, don’t fucking come here…stay in your own country! You fucking Chinese people are a disease!” Some people in the bar were nodding either liking what they saw or agreeing to the statements that this biker was making. I got up from my seat and quickly made my way into the circle where the biker was. Veronika was trying to pull me back to our table but I resisted and continued into the circle. I heard whispers from the crowd as I walked towards the big biker. I heard someone say I was going to get beaten up.
“I’m sorry about your jacket.” I said to the biker looking him in the eye. Everyone was staring at me, I could hear a pin drop. The biker was unresponsive. “But I’m going to have to ask you to apologize for statements you’ve made regarding Chinese people.” He walked a step closer to me, gave me the finger with his left hand 2 inches away from my face and yelled, “Fuck off!” He took a swing at me with his right hand to follow up. My instincts took over, I rolled away from the punch as I had trained for in all my years of boxing but his fists were so damn big that he still managed to clip me in the chin. He took another wild swing at me; I ducked under and threw a powerful left hook on his ribs. I could feel my punch penetrating through his blubber and through his ribs. I felt my knuckles breaking part of his rib cage. I then followed up with a right hook to his chin and just as he dropped to his knees like a ton of bricks. Seeing that my opponent was on his knees and that he was no longer a threat I instantly tried to stop the right hook I already threw at him, but it was too late, my fist buckled his jaw sending one of his tooth flying into the crowd. I knelt down in front of him to make sure he was alright. He was in bad shape. Out of the corner of my eye I can see bouncers just ready to throw me out of the pub. But he was in tremendous pain and couldn’t talk. I said to him, “I’m sorry, I really am…but I did this to show you that regardless of race and ethnicity, we are all equal.” To my surprise the crowd reacted with applause from what I said. His facial expression conveyed excruciating pain but he nodded in comprehension. The bouncers told me I had to be escorted out. Veronika was pleading to the bouncer to let me stay because I didn’t instigate the confrontation. I grabbed her by the hand and looked in her eyes and said, “It’s ok, it’s enough for tonight…let’s go somewhere else.” She nodded and we left the pub. She drove me in front of the hotel where I was getting dropped off. I turned and looked at her, she looked like she didn’t want to call it a night yet. I offered her to come in. Her eyes lit up and she agreed.
I lay flat on my back on my bed. She was massaging my hand from all that bar fight. Damn it, the biker had a hard head I thought to myself. Her pretty eyes look into mine. She snuggles right beside me. I hit the lights…

Contemptible

2010-07-30T22:21:00.000-07:00

I came home after a long day at school. Bunch of boring lectures, profs that don’t speak proper English, just overall not a good day. To make things worse, I got my term paperback and I got 14 out of 20. I expected an A for the time I put in. the comments that the TA wrote on my essay were as if she never even read it. I can’t complain, just have to work harder.
My mom had an appointment the following day to see breast cancer specialist, Dr. Nancy at the North York General Hospital. As I stepped into the door of my house, I was already in a horrible mood from my term paper results. My mom was scrambling, giving me an endless amount of chores and things to help her on. I was disgruntled and clearly showed it, reluctant to complete the tasks she gave me. I just wanted some alone time, peace and quiet but here she is bombarding me with tasks to fulfill. I basically told her that I’d had enough for the night and to just leave me alone. She yelled back, “With that kind of attitude, I’ll die even faster with breast cancer.”
I know it wasn’t how a well-trained soldier should respond, it isn’t how a disciplined athlete should be and it definitely isn’t a good example of what a good son should be. I woke up early next morning to make breakfast for my mom. I waited quietly and patiently outside her room, pacing myself back and forth thinking of how to apologize to her. She finally woke up and as she opened her doors and to her surprise I was awake earlier than she was standing in front of the master bedroom. I sincerely apologized to her for my impulsive behavior yesterday and led her downstairs to the breakfast I made for her. As she was sipping on the porridge I made for her, she told me, “I know you are stressed out, I know you have a lot going on in your life that you don’t tell me about, but I’m on constant worry about my health too. We can talk it out, we are a family but we don’t take it out on each other.” There was not a shadow of a doubt she was right, but inside I still insisted that I should keep my Mission to Afghanistan and my boxing career to myself.
I took my mom to see the breast cancer specialist that afternoon. It took that whole day from 12pm to 6pm. I noticed that my mom seemed a little tensed and nervous, so I went downstairs to the café and bought her something to drink to keep her mind off of it. Finally her doctor called my mom’s name; it was her time to go in. While I was sitting outside waiting, there was a group of ladies in their 50’s who were already diagnosed with breast cancer. Here they were with one of the most deadly diseases inside of them yet; they were joking, laughing and trying to make the most of it. My mom finally came out; I rushed to her and asked what the doctor said. She told me the doctor wants her to do a biopsy and reschedule an appointment back here when the biopsy is completed for the final report. It took 6 hours to find out she needs a biopsy…lousy health care system…but at least they are thorough.
As we drove home, I focused at the task at hand. I have to be in Philadelphia the next day for the promoters meeting for a potential boxing event. Better start packing…

Rock Bottom

2010-07-19T21:05:00.000-07:00

I’d never thought it would ever happen to me…I’ve heard enough stories about it…
As a fighter, a boxer, I’ve learned to slip, parry, bob and weave through all my life. But this one is one I’m defenseless against.
Just the other day, my mom cooked dinner with d during dinner, my mom turned to me and my brother and said, “I have something to tell you guys.” We said “Yeah go on,” and we continued munching on the tasty food. “I might have breast cancer,” she said. Me and my brother both froze. By the tone of her voice my brother and I both knew it wasn’t a joke. My mom explained that that day last week I went with my mom for an ultrasound scan, after the scanning was completed, the ultrasound technician turned to my mom and asked if there was any family history of cancer. My mom replied no and asked if there was a problem. The ultrasound technician obviously said no. My mom asked how long it would take for the report to be completed and returned to the family physician and the ultrasound technician said 2 days which is extremely fast and usually it’s only that quick if there’s an emergency. The family physician referred her to see a specialist at the North York General Hospital and my mom tried many times to call them regarding making an appointment but she can never get through to them. As dinner continued, she reassured us that everything is and will be alright. She told us not to inform tell dad who is on a business trip in Hong Kong about it and not to notify our relatives since they are going on vacation soon. My brother and I were both speechless. I thought to myself, if my mom has breast cancer she would know, she can feel it I’m sure. I asked her how she is feeling and if there were any changes in her sense of wellbeing over the last year and she reassured me that she felt fine.
I wasn’t completely satisfied with the answer of course. I’m at a lost for words. Words can only describe so much and rather rant on about it, I just thought of what a good son would do at this point. And with my mind clouded with pain, misery and disbelief all at the same time, all I came up with was to spend more time with my mom.
I was so into my goals, dreams, aspirations and we don’t see the people around us supporting us, providing for us. It was my goal of serving my country overseas as a soldier in war bearing the flag of our fathers sort to speak. That was accomplished. When I set sights of a new dream of mine to compete in the Olympics, fate seemed to have robbed me of this chance I’ve worked so hard on. Although my mom wasn’t supportive of my military career, she would dedicate her weekend driving me to and from the military base where I was training so that I could have an enjoyable weekend at home spending time with friends and family. She never outwardly supported my boxing endeavors but she made sure there was always food in the fridge when I need to recharge after training or a workout. It was always about me and my goals and it made me very narrow minded. Even though she indirectly supported me through everything, I hid the fact that I went to war in Afghanistan and never told her about it, even though I knew the dangers and risk of me not ever returning. All my boxing competitions in Las Vegas, New York, Philadelphia, Los Angeles, I’ve made up excuses for why I was not going to be home for 3-4 days. With all the accomplishments and accolades from peers, my mom should be the one on the receiving end of it not me.
If she really did have it, and if I could start all over again as a kid, I would have forgone everything just to spend more time with my mom and have a better relationship with her…

Face Off

2010-04-27T22:35:00.000-07:00

Exams are finally through. Saturday the 24th was my last exam and it was early at 9am too. It was the most enjoyable exam I ever wrote. The prof gave us the exam questions well before hand and we were allowed to use to bring in a laptop to type out our answers and save it on the prof’s USB stick to be graded. That is what I call putting technology into good use! The morning started out gloomy when I drove to school but once my exam was through, it was sunny with blue skies. I’ve got no crazy exciting partying plans though. I missed most of the partying already since I finished this late. But as I always say, there will be plenty of time in my life for that.

After grabbing lunch with my high school buddy, I was driving on the way home blasting music in my car. It was a red light and my phone rang. I looked around my surroundings and even peered through all my mirrors to see if any cops were around. It was my manager and by the time I answered his call, he had already hung up. I called him back.
He picked up, “Eh! Look who finally picks up their phone!”
I chuckled a bit.
“Hey haven’t heard from you in a while boy. How are the exams treatin’ ya?”
Suddenly, I hear a knocking on my window. I rolled down the window…shit it was a cop. First thing that came to my mind was…there goes a few hundred bucks evaporating from my bank account.
It was a lady cop. “You know you shouldn’t be driving with a handheld device right?” she said. She had a really sweet voice, there was no authority in her voice like any law enforcement officer should have. She was this pretty good-looking blond girl. She looked more like a pretty girl dressed up as police/stripper on Halloween than a real police officer. But I glared at her badge and it was legit. I guess my manager heard what the lady cop said.
“I see you’ve got company with your lady friends eh?”
I kissed my teeth in frustration. “I’ll call you back,” I said.
“Don’t worry its okay. Hav--…” I hung up the phone.
I was at the intersection and all eyes were on me as for anyone that gets pulled over. My music was still playing…pretty loud too…and it so happened to be playing Lil Wayne featuring Bobby Valentino’s Ms. Officer. The car right beside me had their windows down and the passengers were giggling loud enough for the lady cop to hear them. She knew why and what they were laughing at. I looked up at the lady police officer. She was trying to hold back her laughter or smile. I couldn’t tell which one. She finally spoke again.
“You know it’s a hefty ticket right?”
I looked down and nodded. “Yeah,” I said under my breath. “It was a red light and I was just making a quick call to confirm where I’m meeting my friend,” I lied. I reached in my wallet for my military ID. It’s my “get out of jail free” card almost. As I’m reaching for it, she puts her hand out to stop me.
“It’s okay. From now on, just remember to use a hands-free device next time okay?”
“Yeah, I will.”
She smiled for a bit. “Off you go then.”
“Thank you! The police force needs more people like you,” I smiled back.
I breathed out a sigh of relieve.

I called my manager back as soon as I got home.
“Had fun?”
I explained to him the whole story of what had happened and why I hung up on him.
“No way! You’re just making excuses. Just admit it was one of your lady friends.”
“No it was absolutely NOT my lady friends.” I said sternly, as I’ve repeated the sentence at least 3 times.
“Well then, there’s an offer for a match late August, likely in Atlantic City's Boardwalk Hall or some unconfirmed location in Vegas again…closed-circuit you interested?”
I haven’t been keeping up with my training for the last few months because of the workload from school. And of course school is priority.
“I’ll get back in the gym tomorrow and let you know how I feel first,” I told him. But in my mind I have already made my decision. If all goes well in the next couple of months, I’m going to take the fight.
My manager briefly spoke about my opponent if I was to take this fight. His name was Burney, his story is a rags to riches one. He immigrated to the States from Mexico, living in a impoverished neighbourhood where he took up boxing to defend himself from local gang members. He quickly rose through the amateur ranks and gave all his winnings to his mother to buy rice to put food on the table for his family. I met him 6 years ago when he won the Golden Gloves Championship. It was his claim to fame and ever since then, he’s been living a wealthy life. People were drawn to him because of his charismatic personality and he served for his country in the U.S. Marine Corps as I served for the Canadian Forces. After his victory, I went backstage to his locker room and congratulated him. I told him he was a great fighter and that I wanted to be just like him going up through the ranks. He is often referred as back then “the surefire hit who is plotting to smash through the walls of boxing being the cross-over success”. He recently was caught having illegal plaster wraps inside his glove when he fought, making his gloves harden so that he would inflict more damage to his opponent. His boxing license has been suspended for one year. Boxing is a rough sport; you get punched when your opponent exploits the weakness to your defense. Accidental elbows, head butts and cuts are all part of the game but putting plaster on your hand wraps is criminal, its attempted murder. It’s going way too far. He could’ve changed his opponents life, could’ve ruined his opponents boxing and athletic career, could’ve killed him also. So to me, a one year suspension is just a slap on the wrist. By scheduling a boxing match with him is doing business with him by splitting the profits of the ticket sales and marketing with him. He denied that he had anything to do with the illegal wraps and that he didn’t know that his trainer put plaster in his wraps. But I kind of find it hard to believe that someone can put plaster on your wraps without you knowing. Doing business with an unethical man…involves some consideration.

Over 10 years ago, two countries inside of one continent, two boys set out on different paths which ultimately led them to this place. Burney who seeks to extend the legacy that has brought him glory and fame. The other which is me, hopes to upend the legacy to start one of my own. Our military service is a testament to the pride of our nations. For him, he is admired by choruses from fans while only single voices of encouragement can be heard from my end. We are guided by studying instincts to strengths and flaws as we refine instinct and hone skill and thus pursue a mastery of the moment. One hopes to begin a journey that the other has completed…to start with so little and become so much

Shine

2010-04-12T23:13:00.001-07:00

It was my friend/former co-worker’s baby shower on Sunday. I’m new to the whole baby shower festivities and didn’t really know what to expect. I didn’t even know how to work that Sears baby registry. I looked around at the toddlers section at the Sears at Fairview mall. There were so many items that are a necessity when you have a child. I look down the list and browse around for the products, it reminded me how expensive it was to have a child and how much harder I have to work if I ever get to that stage in life…not that I’m even thinking about that now. I bought a soft pink blanket for the baby shower occasion.

Hope it’ll be perfect for the precious little one.
It was great to have an A|X reunion again, along with new faces that replaced us along the way as sales associates. To see how everyone all moved on to bigger and better things having better jobs while I don’t…is a great feeling…but nonetheless I’m quite happy for them. My friend having the baby couldn’t drink of course but it was good seeing her in good spirits and enjoying herself.
My first baby shower that I attended…a memorable one since it’s my first…

Exams are finally here…I’m not feeling the rush or urgency. Somehow I’m at peace with myself yet I’m staying on top of my studies…good place to be. But today’s exam suggested otherwise. I barely finished the exam on time and didn’t have time to revise my answers. If given one more day I thought I would be able to ace it. …it’s always that one more day…

Be Extraordinary!

2010-03-20T16:21:00.001-07:00

I’m stuck on my economics public policy assignment. The Prof said this assignment was suppose to be easy too…and now I feel like I’m mentally challenged. I ask my classmates and none of them have even started….its due coming Monday. He’s one of those Profs that read right off his slides, and then he tries to summarize it by saying “Basically…blah blah blah…”, then the whole class gets even more confused. I mutter under my breath, “That was not freakin’ basic at all.” Aside from that, a disturbing thought surfaced my head the other day. I better get my career started so I can retire my parents…because the sooner they retire, the less stress they’ll have and my grandmother already has Alzheimer’s...I just hope its not genetically linked to my mom also…

I wake up the alarm clock ringing…I purposely set the alarm clock ring tone to be the most annoying one (it’s the sound screaming of little girls when they walk into a haunted house…and no, its not a sign of pedophilia..) I could find so it’ll force me to wake up, turn off the alarm clock so I’ll stop hearing it. I meant to hit the snooze button but accidently pressed the off button instead without noticing it off…why the hell is the snooze button is so close to the off button anyway…such a bad design. I ended up waking up 2 hours later…

I’m late for class. I rushed in my car down highway 404 then to 401 before turning into the parking lot of UTSC. I ran down the hallway to my 2nd year media studies class. I violently yanked open the door of the lecture theatre causing a big commotion on accident and walked down the stairs trying to find a seat. All heads turned and all eyes were on me…even the professor stopped lecturing and looked my way…it was completely silent, I could hear a pin drop. Suddenly, I tripped over someone’s bag and rolled down the stairs. The edge of one of the stair steps hit my tail bone, that’s when I figured I’d had to stop rolling down the stairs…I stuck my hand out to reach for the ground to stop rolling. I picked myself up from the ground….dusted myself off. I turned around to see how far I actually rolled down the stairs…it was from the 4th last row at the top all the way to the 5th row in the front. The whole lecture was still silent…I looked back at the Prof…he had a big smile on his face and then the rest of the students in the lecture exploded in laughter…even I laughed along. The girl in the 5th row walked up to me and gave me a hug, she smiled to me telling me not to worry and that nobody saw it. What a sweet girl! Thanks to the rolling down the stairs incident, I'm now the most popular dude in the class, people would see me in the halls and smile or chuckle...I smile back because it reminds me of my clumsiness...

Man…what a day! I gotta get back to something I’m good at…

First Dawn

2010-02-19T12:57:00.000-08:00

My apologizes for my tardy update. I’m alive and well, thank you all for your sincere concerns. Happy Valentine’s Day and Happy Chinese New Year! It happens once every 57 years that Valentine’s Day and Chinese New Years land on the same day which means most people will only live through it once.

The New Year 2010 didn’t ring in the way I wanted to. My grandma (mother’s side) had a recent stroke. While she was heading outside for fresh air one fateful day, she collapsed in the hallway of the hospital dislocating her shoulder and hip as a result. She needs hip replacement surgery. Later that week we received that dreadful phone call from my aunt telling us that grandma is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease and she is already at the intermediate stage of the Alzheimer’s disease because diabetes has sped up the process. My mom is of course the most worried one, flew back to Hong Kong for a month to take care of her. She was afraid that by the time she returned to Hong Kong, her own mother would have already forgotten who she is. But thankfully she still remembered my mom as her eldest daughter. I hope it’s not the last time my mom has a chance to see my grandma and take care of her.
From the memories that I had with my grandma, she was tremendously generous. She welcomed us into her apartment when we went to Hong Kong to visit. During that time, I have ample time and opportunity to sit down and really get to know my own grandmother. But I was too selfish in my own endeavors back then to even care. My mom called me the other day from Hong Kong, she told me that my grandma was lying in the hospital bed and the second she stepped into the room, my grandma reached inside her pocket and pulled out a few Red Pockets. My grandmother said, “Before I forget, I might not be here by then… but here’s some money for Elson (my brother) and Kelton’s wedding when they get older. This was a person whom maybe most of a stranger than a mere acquaintance yet she still never forgotten about me and my brother in when Alzheimer’s was degenerating her brain. I long ago considered as not a significant role in my life, it was blood relation that made it count. lying on the hospital bed
Tough times never last but tough people do. I’ll persevere. These things I don’t have a control over, now let’s work on something that I can control.
I know I’m not perfect but I’ll keep trying…

He was former president of our departmental student association for management students at the University of Toronto at Scarborough. He was named Co-op Student of the Year in 2008, worked as a teaching assistant. He has worked co-op for Fortune 500 (meaning, his GPA is extremely high), and this year he was selected for a prestigious internship at New York's Clinton Foundation which thousands apply every year for the internship in which only the elites will be selected. He plays the guitar really well while he sings. I heard his mother talk about how proud she is to have a son like him. It brought a smile to my face to see a mother so proud of her son. I hope one day I can make my mom and dad proud too…
Oh how I wished I could’ve redone first and second year of university.

Lets Hear it for NEW YORK!

2009-12-28T19:26:00.000-08:00

This is the shortest trip/vacation in my life. I’m in New York right now. I just finished my medical check up, no major problems, only a heart murmur which was checkup and was given the green light for tomorrows fight on super short notice. The NYSAC (New York State Athletic Commission) ordered us to provide a urine sample last week. My opponent provided his sample in New York while I provided it at an approved laboratory in Toronto which will be tested by an independent company. My samples have come clean; his however claimed that he was using banned substances. So the NYSAC ordered the fight be cancelled, fining him $8000 on top of that. My manager just received the phone call 2 minutes ago while we were here at BB kings Club & Grill in the heart of Times Square….nice place to eat and chill by the way. We are all pretty shocked, looks like we came all the way here for nothing and going home empty handed. But here in the heart of New York City, you can really feel the city vibe…its steadfast rhythms of cars and pedestrians different from Toronto. This “concrete jungle where dreams are mind of” is truly a unique place. It’s really a breath of fresh air away from Toronto. I’m all for staying here for a couple days at least if not spending new years here but my coach wanted to spend it with family. And he’s right, Christmas and New Years is time to be with your friends, family and those closest to you…

Advent

2009-12-19T22:35:00.000-08:00

Finally exams are done! I finished just yesterday at 12pm. I hate 3 hour exams. I just want to kick it back relax, get nice n’ fat n’ jolly for the holidays and unplug from society and reality.

As you guys all know I took a fight on short notice and I’m receiving a lot of criticism from it from my coaches my team, but at the end of the day me and my team because we are a family, we are in this together…sorry if I dragged you guys into it. My manager will come back for New York after finalizing the deal and signing papers and will give me the official briefing on it. I’ll give you all a heads up as to what’s going on. But as far as I know, it won’t be televised. I am in awe and humbled by the fact that so many of you attended my fights, some of you from Brazil, Florida LA…the list goes on…with different lifestyles, backgrounds, etc. who read my blog postings and thanks for all the Facebook adds, emails and Facebook messages, they are and have been a great support for me. I would never guess in a million years to get so much mail and so much support from you all. Some of the messages and emails I’ve been getting you told me to keep my head up and some of you crazy people even suggested that you’d come see my fight in New York in person to support me and hang out at Times Square for the new years countdown. You guys are great!...I’ve had a blast reading your messages and emails. I also thank you all for giving your condolences for my mom’s situation. But don’t feel sorry for me having to be put into this position, there’s a lot of people out there that are in worst case scenarios, this is just something that I deal with. I’m sure a lot out there would see this as an opportunity and welcome it. As many asked how my training is going, I’m working on just defensive strategies, setting traps and counterpunching because my conditioning is not up to par with my other competitions. So I’d have to fight a smart fight, grind out 12 rounds and try not to absorb major damage from him. I’ve never been knocked out or got a concession in my fighting career; never planned to because I made a promise to myself and to my ex (when we were still together) that if I ever got knocked out I’d walk away from the sport altogether. Even though we are not together, I’d still like to honor that promise. My coach and my team have been working endlessly to prevent it especially in this fight. But I can see the fear in their eyes that in this it might actually happen. But however worried and however well they help me prepare…when I walk in the ring…it’s the loneliest place in the world, I’m all by myself…it’s up to me in end. As for me, I’m not terrified by the idea, but if it happens I’ll hang up my gloves. I guess destiny awaits…but I make my own destiny so that doesn’t count. If I walk away from it all I’ll fill my training time playing the piano and making music…after all I do have Grade 10 Royal Conservatory of Music for piano, don’t I?
But until then…lace them shoes up...I put on my fly shorts and I FIGHT…just like that…ya dig?

Thank you for all your support, what it means to me I cannot put into words. As for this fight, I’ll give it my best, I’ll fight my heart out just like I do every time but if I lose, end up in the hospital or in a coma…my hope is that that I didn’t disappoint you all! But again, don’t pity me but smile for me, ‘cause it’s just something that I deal with. Smile for me that I made over yet another bump in life with many more to come :).

Lastly, forgive me…forgive me of my stupidity, forgive me for my faults….forgive me for being me…

“We avoid risks in life...so we can make it safely to death.”

After Dark

2009-12-08T22:19:00.000-08:00

Just finished 2 exams, two more to go. Did alright on them…taking a break but I should really be studying for my next one which is next Thursday.

The chill has arrived in Toronto. I can feel it in my on bones. November was productive, got all my school work done ahead of time with a high level of effort yet attending most of my friends birthdays since everyone seems to have birthdays in November. I’m kicking procrastination to the curb…at least for November but December is looking good so far too. I’m staying on top of my studies. All my friends and even acquaintances whenever they see me, they always ask me when is the next time I’m going back on base for army training or the next time I’m going on a mission overseas to Afghanistan again. And of course, they always ask me when my upcoming fight is and of course about the post fight after party and occasionally about the Kim Kardashian meeting (the typical is she hot in real life? was her boyfriend there to kick your ass? Did you like her assets? Is her booty as good in real life as it is in pictures? And the answer is Yes. No. Yes and yes. She has nice assets, nice curves…they’re nice…I’d love to have em…not on me but in my life :p). I’m usually reluctant to answer the question and try to steer the conversation away from the topic but everyone seems pretty persistent in trying to get an answer. To be perfectly honest, I’ve been reluctant to step back in the gym and train. I’ve temporarily lost interest in stepping inside my military combats to renew my skills. I’m enjoying the simplicity of normal life. Everyone talks about how they don’t want to ordinary but this is the first time in my lie that I kind of embrace it…which is kind of scary. It’s like losing that motivation to strive to be something better than you average Joe Blow. Some of my buddies who are fight enthusiasts ask me to spar with them, I’m hesitant to since I’m very rusty and haven’t sharpened my skills in a long time yet. Usually, the sparring sessions end with me putting very little effort in and displaying poor athleticism; taking more punishment and virtually losing to my buddy. Hell...I even got punched in my right eye too. The bad habits are coming back again, lack of head movement, bad footwork and no snap in my jab, leaving me in despair by challenging my desire to continue the sport at the competitive level and if my fighting spirit has finally diminished.

Seems like the recession has hit my family hard financially, with my dad being out of a job for two years and struggling to make ends meet by pulling 12-15 hour days all by himself on construction projects. It’s hard to see him sometimes come home limping and my dad just turned 58 couple months ago and he’s not working any less than he did before, yet he’s not getting any younger. Things don’t get any better though, I was driving my car and the brakes failed on me on the way home from school. My 17 year old Camry isn’t worth fixing anymore and now we have to get a new car which entails more expenses. Just the other day I was talking to my brother and he told me mom had gingivitis for a long time to the point where her left gums reseeds down to the roots of her teeth. The doctors advised her to get surgery 6 months ago but she’s been scrunching and saving hoping our savings can last long enough to ride out the recession. She didn’t tell me not wanting me to worry so I can focus fully on school. She’s works tirelessly making sure that there is always food prepared in the fridge for me and my brother even if it meant that she’d only catch a couple hours of sleep.
I think it’s adamant that my mom gets her surgery done, but as of now I don’t have the financial means to help her out. Maybe I should’ve taken that six figure contract that Top Rank offered me last year. The craziest idea popped into my head. With lack of preparation just recovering from the swine flu, I would go box and prizefight in the States hopefully before new years racking in enough to pay for my mom’s surgery and just enough to clear the balance on my tuition. I called up my manager and he told me it was a retarded idea.
“You know better than me that if you step in that ring unprepared, you’ll come out on a stretcher or you’ll be in a coma for 2 weeks. The New York State Athletic Commision will never let you fight when are unprepared.”
“You should know by now I live my life according to my own rules. This isn’t the first day you’ve met me.” I told him.
“Call me crazy for helping you make this happen but I’ll see what I can do,” he said.
He called me up 20 minutes later and said that the Las Vegas matches are all booked and scheduled but there’s a bout in New York which was the main event where there’s a fighter by the name of Blake who after watching his opponent Cornelius train on YouTube decided he didn’t have the nerve to compete in the ring with him and bailed out. So my manager asked if I was interested in taking his place and I was like “Hell Yeah!”
He called me a bit later and said he reached a verbal agreement with the promoter and squeeze out a decent deal with an incentive winning bonus depending on how much the event sponsors were willing to fork out which I don't expect to be much in this economy.
I’m no where near ready, just fully recovered from the swine flu. My stamina and conditioning isn’t good enough, when I get ready for a fight I’m able to wake up and run 10 clicks easy and now I’m huffing and puffing on my 8th km. My mind isn’t as sharp and as focused as it needs to be…
Seems as though swine flu broke me down, but it’s up to me to build myself back up.

Halloween!

2009-11-02T14:55:00.001-08:00

Last week was the first week in the whole month that I actually started feeling better from a strain of the swine flu. I would’ve least expect myself to contract the H1N1 flu (I guess we all least expect it). The swine flu gave me a light fever and made me cough on a frequent basis…frequent as in every 5-10 seconds and I was coughing hard too, literally coughing my lungs out. The coughs shatter my concentration during my study or reading sessions which made studying for my midterms rather frustrating and more time consuming. The harder I coughed the harder and faster I went outside to run and get rid of phlegm which was like ridding the demon inside of me. It made me feel weak and I lost over 20 pounds (something I cannot afford to lose as an athlete). I didn’t refrain from attending class, I would be wrapped up like a ninja covering my face and sit in the corner of the class and chug cough syrup, candy or whatever I can get my hands on to stop the coughing hoping I won’t spread it to other students. Despite these setbacks, I pulled through and did well on my midterms and case studies.
I was reminded about my commitments to the Canadian Athletes Association gala and that I had to do a Q&A session there and I knew I had to go. At the Canadian Athletes Association, I was reminded exactly why we are in this association. Us as Canadian athletes are here to support one another and every interaction was a positive one. I had the opportunity to meet pretty female figure models to the all time greats like Lennox Lewis, Georges St. Pierre, Simon Whitfield, the list goes on and on and these people are a great inspiration to me. This time was different though, I met a young man, Edward who competes in the Special Olympics and he said he looked up to us fighters. I was so taken back by the fact that he put us fighters on a pedestal. Edward’s life has been nothing but full of twist and turns of which he has very little choice on what happened to him, the only thing that he has a choice for is to not let his twist or turns take him off his path in life. Here was this young man who defied incredible odds in life to reach the Olympics and he pushes himself every day to do things you and I take for granted. I was bitching and complaining about a flu and how it affected my studies and weight loss affecting my athletic performance and taking this young man looks up to me? He gave me his boxing glove necklace and I do not think he realized what an impact he made on me. I knew right then and there that I was going to suck it up and press on. He reminded me of my own motto: Don’t complain, just work harder.
It was Halloween this weekend. I’m always looking forward to it. You can be whatever you want to be that night…almost like stepping out of your own skin for a night. Of course, I dressed up as one of my favourite movie characters Jack Sparrow the other favourite being Joker, both hilarious, charismatic with a drunken swagger and flamboyant but not homo, yet undeniably distinctly original characters. That’s me as Jack Sparrow before I hit the club and the eye shadow got all smudged:

Jack Sparrow got too much attention that Halloween night downtown. I was making my way to the club and people driving by would slow down and point and shout “Hey look it’s Johnny Depp”...in my head i was like its Jack Sparrow not Johnny Depp..u ppl never get it right...girls on the streets and in the club would randomly ask me to take pictures with them. I feel like I was in Vegas again with all the attention directed towards me, but it was a little too much attention. Damn…Jack Sparrow is even cooler than me and I’m pretty cool already. Maybe I should be more like him. Thanks Alexia and Sara for helping me stitch the pirate shirt on the last minute! It really made it a great night! Probably going be Joker next year unless a new favourite comes up from now until next Halloween. I'm going to crash some parties like Joker does in "The Dark Knight".

“My tremendous sense of the female creature has informed me that you are troubled…”
- Jack Sparrow portrayed by Johnny Depp

Collision Course

2009-10-09T23:11:00.000-07:00

The rowdy people across the hallway from my suite woke me up. I still can’t believe I’m in Las Vegas and my fight was just yesterday. I crawled out of bed and tripped over my fight gloves…the pair that I used just last night for the fight. An idea popped out of my head, I grabbed the marker on the desk….tested it out to see if there’s still ink in it. It did. I wrote “Never give up on my glove!” and signed it below. I packed up my bag and put the glove inside and was headed for the hospital where I stayed last night.
When I got there, I asked the nurse at the front desk for Dr. Woreff. They asked if it was an emergency. It wasn’t. So I had to wait patiently for him to be available. Twenty minutes later Dr. Woreff emerged from the hallway.
“Eh Doc!” I yelled and waved to get his attention.
“Hey, how is your arm feeling today?”
“It’s stiff today, but it’s healing really fast,” I replied.
He gave me a brief medical explanation of the human healing process for joints and ligaments.
I reached in my bag. “I brought something for your son.” I said. I pulled out the boxing gloves that I signed and put it in his hands. The doctor seemed speechless. “Oh my gosh! Thank you so much my son would love that! By any chance are you free at 8? I get off work and I could bring my son out, He’d be ecstatic to see you.”
“Sorry I got a plane to catch at 9! Won’t be able to make it, but I can promise you that I’ll be back in Las Vegas hopefully before year-end.” I said.
“Whatever you do kid, don’t let the booing of the fans affect you psychologically.” I nodded. He’s is a doctor in every sense on the word. “I’ve got a lot of fight left in me, you’re not gonna see me hang up my gloves anytime soon.”
I waved goodbye to him and turned to head to the elevator. “How come I don’t get anything?” said a playful, yet familiar voice. I looked up it was the nurse was last night (don’t mean it in that way…but).
I laughed. “What do you want?”
“A hug.” She replied with a quirky smile. I gave her a squeeze. “I got break right now, and you are coming with me for coffee.” She said as she grabbed my hand and led me downstairs. She's attractive and she is definitely sexy. And more importantly sassy and witty. A little crazy but by no means unstable.

As an athlete, we are used to acting or reacting quickly as situations dictate. It’s always going after that opening, quick footwork, furious combinations. Now, I’m sitting at the airport waiting for my flight. There’s a lot of downtime now…and that’s the worst and toughest part of my day. My manager’s phone suddenly rang to the ringtone David Guetta Featuring Akon’s “Sexy Bitch”. People around were snickering, others were too hung over to care. He picked up the phone, his face flushed in embarrassment. It was Darren congratulating me on my victory on behalf of Sports Illustrated. He wanted confirmation on the release of my section on SI issue for September, but I wanted to postpone it until next fight when there would be more media coverage on the bout and hopefully this time I’ll give it a performance of my lifetime. All that’s on my mind is crowd’s reaction in displease after my fight. The boo’ing, the audience waving their fists cursing and people putting their thumbs down signaling a poor performance really got to me. As much as they are voicing their detestation, they are also being disrespectful in my opinion. I don’t ever consider myself the best, never have, but I do train to fight the best. My opponent’s a great fighter but unfortunately it just wasn’t his night tonight. I owe everything to my team, training partners, coaches and to the friends that support me and to all my hard training. It’s not just about me being respectful, it’s about the sport. I believe everyone should be respected …especially those that go through what we go through to prepare for our fights for 8-12 weeks just to put on a 30 minute show for the fans. I spend a lot of time away from my friends, my family and I think I’m sure a lot of other athletes do as well…that’s what I feel the sport should be represented like. But at the same time these people paid good money to see us go at it; displaying technical aspects of the game along with speed, power and great athleticism, so I do see why they are not satisfied and since they paid for it they should be entitled to their opinion and voicing it. Members of my team got me a drink and sat around me and tried to cheer me up.
“What’s on your mind champ?” asked Rodney.
I sighed, “Just thinking bout the peeps booing me.”
“Coach said you hooked up with that cute nurse eh? How was she?”
“Haha…tell you bout it later boys…I just want some peace and quiet for now.” I said as I stood up heading for Starbucks to get a black coffee.

As the plane lifted off I took one last look at the city of Las Vegas… I’ll be back and this time I’ll give these guys what they came here to see. I closed the window flap, sunk back on my seat. It’ll all be just a memory to take home from the corner of the ring.

“Look me in the eye
It’s ok if you’re scared, so am I
But we’re scared for different reasons
I’m scared of what I won’t become
And you’re scared of what I could become
Look at me
I won’t let myself end where I started
I won’t let myself finish where I began
I know what is within me even if you can’t see it yet…
Look me in the eyes
I have something more important than courage
I have patience
I will become…what I know…I am”

– Michael Jordan

(Of course when I’m writing this I’m already back in Toronto hitting the books and studying…just real behind on updating this…)

Aftermath

2009-08-29T04:02:00.001-07:00

I sat up…opened my eyes…the room was filled with bright lights. Hmmm…now where is this place. I checked out my surroundings and came to a conclusion that I was in the hospital getting up from the hospital bed and the room was empty. I hate being in the hospital because most it the time you only go there to receive bad news from doctors diagnosing you with certain ailments. Just as I was about to get off the hospital, I looked up at the Television to see if it provided me with the current time. It didn’t but it was a sports channel and they were covering highlights of a boxing match. I watched closely…my eyes were glued to the screen and didn’t even pay attention to the nurse that just walked in to my room. One of the fighters in black trunks fights exactly like I do. He’s hit hard with the speed of the devil…I was really impressed. Then the fighter on TV with the black trunks turned and walked to his corner at the end of the round…and low and behold…the fighter was me…and the highlights they were showing were the highlights of my fight. I shook my head…the commentators commented that both our conditioning was embarrassing but both fighters showed tremendous heart. But that phrase, “both the fighters’ conditioning was embarrassing,” were imprinted to my memory…I won’t forget that…ever.
“Hi champ!” the nurse said sweetly. I looked up at her, she looked like those fit young girls that worked in a fitness club at the front counter greeting customers and answering phone calls. I chuckled and thought to myself, did my coach play a prank on me and have this girl play dress-up as the naughty nurse and make her role-play with me as a winning bonus?...after all this IS Vegas and you all know the saying "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." Or is this really legit Sin City nurse uniform, low cut with short skirts...
“You know a lot of people that work in this hospital who didn’t have work tonight all went to your fight eh?” she said.
“Really? I’m glad you had to work tonight,” I said under my breath.
“Why you say that?” she asked.
“Cause I put on a hell of a fight…” I replied. She seemed puzzled. “A hell of a ‘boring’ fight,” I finished. She looked at my elbow area. It was swelling up. “Does it hurt a lot? Do you want ice while the doctor gets here?” she asked. “Naw…I’m fine, thanks!” I replied. She pulled up a chair and sat beside me and asked, “So…what do you do in Toronto?” Before I could answer her question her pager went off. She had to go tend to another patient. She opened the door…she paused for 2 seconds and turned around and said cheerfully, “Don’t miss me too much, I’ll be back!” She winked as she closed the door.
I laid back on the bed. My photographic memory allows me to view the whole match as I remembered it to be like a film on playback. I was going through what I did well and the mistakes I made. I can start to feel pain on the places he threw punches at me now since the adrenaline wore off.
The door burst open and in stepped the doctor. He had the name tag that said Dr. Woreff on it. He’s a middle aged fellow and unlike other doctors I’ve seen this one didn’t seem to be socially handicapped…he seemed like someone I can talk to other than about health and nerdy stuff. “Congratulations on your victory!” he said cheerfully. I forced a smile out. “Well I’m sure you have places to go and people that would love to meet you…especially all that PR stuff you’d have to handle after a fight here in Vegas.” He’s right I did have a lot of interviews and after-parties to go to including the one I’m suppose to host right now at the Palms which I already paid for. But I was in no rush to get out of the hospital any time soon. Las Vegas…the place I called home away from home booed me after my fight and while I was answering questions from the announcer. It’s quite hard to take even for a person as thick skinned as me. Dr. Woreff was applying pressure on certain parts of the elbow asking me if I felt pain to see if I had a tear on my ligament or a ruptured tendon. I didn’t…it just ruptured my pride when 5,300 fans booed me in unison. When the check up was complete, I thanked the doctor and proceeded to the exit. As I reached for the door…
“You know…” the doctor said. I froze. “My son, his name’s Mike, he’s a fan of boxing…I took him to Orlando, Florida last Christmas and all he wanted to do when we got there was see you fight. My son is autistic...” I shook my head, “I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Well, he doesn’t talk much, if not at all. At any rate, my wife and I bought tickets to see your fight just as the got sold out. You put on a great show dazzling hand speed…a perfect display of craftsmanship…My son was cheering and yelling and talking to us while you were fighting and in between rounds. It was a magical moment for me and my wife; we’d never seen him this happy before and talk that much.” He paused, “I want you to know something kid, I don’t care who says…if you really want it…go after it…don’t let anyone tell you otherwise…doesn’t matter if they boo you…you're my sons hero...you mean the world to him and that means a hella lot to me too.” I nodded. “Thank you.” I said quietly. “No, Thank YOU.” He said as he shook my hand and gave me a pat on the back.

I walked out of the room my coach was right outside the door waiting. I told him everything’s alright. He told me I took a shower after the fight and got dressed up for the post fight conference and passed out of exhaustion on the dressing room. Then the doctor in charge during the fight advised that you should get your elbow checked out prior to the post fight conference. By the time I checked out of the hospital it was already 1:15am. If I was in Toronto with the flawed health care system I wouldn’t be taken care of for days until the doctor has time to see me. Its still early I could make it to my after party and meet some of the fight fans. But the thought of them booing me didn’t seem to be a welcoming presence even if it's my own party at the Palms. I took a deep breath of Las Vegas desert oasis…very dry yet refreshing. I’m calling it a night...going to heading back to my hotel suite…its one of these nights where I want to keep it low key even though this fight has gotten a lot of negative press and feedback. And while I was in the hospital, my opponent Terrell was out having a drink and a good time at my after party…(looks like he's more of a winner than i am)

Loveless 12:3

2009-08-27T02:45:00.000-07:00

The sun peeks through the curtains of my hotel suite. “It’s been how long? Almost eleven years...and I’m still putting myself through this shit,” I thought to myself as I crawled out of bed the day of the fight. Met up with the rest of my team and went downstairs for breakfast. Breakfast they especially catered to us. It comprised of raw veggies and some pasta with shredded pork….didn’t taste great but its fuel for my energy for my upcoming fight in 7 hours.

Next is the briefing before the fight. Under my request my old coach came to brief me alongside my new coach. They both insist that a second voice is welcomed, but it begs the question…how much knowledge can fit in just one briefing room. They see things certain moves I have to make…some things I must not do with my opponent. We make the final adjustments…watch the tapes of Terrell fighting for the last time. The height will have nothing to do with it…the reach, speed, athleticism will have nothing to do with it…who’s going to win is the better fighter tonight. “You dictate…you dictate everything…everything first…faint first...box first…everything..” my coach said. “Don’t lose or change your rhythm…ever…’cause its what makes you Kelton.” My former coach added.

We had our second meal to put back on some weight we lost from the weigh-ins yesterday I was in the locker room as the event was underway with the undercard fighters fighting. I was in the dressing room running the game plan through my head. I couldn’t sit still…the energy in the arena was so electrifying that it went through concrete walls from the arena to the stadium. I was like a child with ADD…I couldn’t sit still. Every 5 minutes I would get up and shadowbox…I was so energized and pumped for this fight. There was a sudden knock on the door of my dressing room. My coach opened the door, my manager walks in and tells me someone wants to see me. I was in state of mind to go for 12 rounds of war, so I just nodded. Then my manager repeated, “Mrs. Gretsky wants to meet you…yes Wayne Gretsky’s wife.” I nodded, “Bring her in.” She walked in wearing a nice summer dress. She had a sweet scent of perfume on. I shook her hand…she could sense the urgency and anxiousness in the room. She said, “I’m here to support Canadian athletes…don’t get injured…have fun and see you out there!”

It’s time to get warmed up…10 minutes before the announcer introduces us to the ring and play our national anthems…this is the time when it all seems like a blur. I worked the mitts with my coach and shadowbox. I was introduced first and made my entrance to Kanye West’s song “Amazing” while Terrell made his entrance to Jeremih’s “I’m a Star”. It all seems like a blur…a dream…because my ears were plugged so I didn’t know whether the crowd was booing me or not and it felt like there’s a cloud up in my head…

The opening bell rung…he came out strong….pressing the action. I retreated with lateral movement which kept him from landing bombs on me. I lost focus for a second and lost track of where I was in the ring I was close to the corner…right where he wanted me to. He engaged and once again I tried to step away…but this time he cut the ring off and used his shoulder to put me against the corner. I covered up and bobbed and weave as best as I could. Some of his shots went through my gloves and arms but I didn’t feel pain. I just heard “pop…pop pop”…the sound of his gloves hitting me. He was trying to reconfigure my face…but since I felt no pain, I regained my compsure a bit and dropped my arms into Philly shell. He was digging real deep to get the body shots. I lowered my hands to adjust leaving my chin hanging out. And suddenly BOOM…an uppercut smashed my chin…I saw stars for a bit…and was wondering if he broke my jaws. At this point I was back to reality. That punch hurt. And before I knew it another left hook slammed right into my cheek bone….at that point…I knew I needed to get out of the corner. I clinched him and pushed him back hard and box in the clinch to buy myself some time and regain my composure. The sound of the bell concludes the first round. I walk dreadfully back to my corner. I thought to myself…this is only the first round…I got 12 rounds of punishment ahead of me if this persists…As I sat and my coach was giving me instructions…all that was on my mind were my friends and family back home in Toronto. With my photographic memory...I could almost see pictures of them through my eyes…I couldn’t let them down…I can’t give up!
The start of round 2…I decided to take the centre of the ring. A bold but stupid move when I’m up against a bigger stronger opponent. This round was no different from the first he threw me up against the ropes this time and punished me. I was getting bullied and he was throwing his punches with bad intentions…I can feel the power of his punches…I can feel all four knuckles through the gloves when he punches. As the round ended I staggered back to my corner. I thought to myself…this is the price I pay for not training hard before the fight. But little did I know that my opponent didn’t train hard enough either. The Referee went to my corner and yelled, “You have to fight back next round or I’m stopping the fight.” I nodded. My coach poured water on me…this was a nightmare. “Listen. I need you to listen like you’d never listened before!” my coach yelled. “You okay?” I nodded. “You lost the last 2 rounds…” I knew that. “Don’t worry about the last two rounds…it’s a totally new fight now…use that head movement and move to the right like we did in training and make him pay for missing. Press with that jab.”
Third round, he’s got his timing down, his rhythm going steady and established his distance already…something every fighter must complete during the opening rounds and I have yet to complete one. This round was a bit better, I kept boxing and moving. Hit and run. I used my head movement just as my coach laid out. He wasn’t hitting anything…I could see frustration in his eyes. I tried to grab me and throw me to the ropes once again but I stepped back and countered with an uppercut of my own. The sound of the bell marked the end of the 3rd. Now I’m back in the game. “Good job son! Don’t let him touch you create distance with that jab as he’s coming toward you…give me an angle…all he’s doing is stalking and stalking you…that’s too predictable. Stay away from the ropes…you don’t belong there!”
Round four was underway; probably the most exciting round of them all. We both come out quickly eager to engage. I continued to counter on his punches that he missed. He was eating left and right straights left, right and center. I got a little over confident and let my guard down. He capitalized on it…he grabbed me and pressed me up against the ropes and dragged me into the deep waters. He landed a 1-2-3 combo clean on my face. The crowd went crazy…thinking Terrell was about to put me away. The pain instinctively caused my knees to bend and try to touch the floor which would have count as a knock down. I’ve never been knocked down before…never wanted to. I drive my heels down hard to bring myself up. I pushed my opponent as my life depended on it and followed with a 1-2 combo to his body and took the centre of the ring. I dropped my hands and motioned “Bring it on!” The crowd of just over 5,300 all stood up and roared. They were in for a good fight…at least they thought up to this point. Then all that was taught in training went out the window…I didn’t wanted to box anymore…I wanted to brawl like him. I took a beating from him the first three rounds. It proved to everybody here that he was a world class rough and tough brawler…but I wanted to prove to everyone here that I was even better than him at his own game. So we both went after it. It was a total scrap…he went after it and so did I…toe to toe. Non stop action…he hit me and I hit him back and forth…the type of fight everyone wants to see. At one point I crushed him with my right straight and he dropped to the canvas like a sack of potatoes. It was a curse in disguise…it helped me score points and win the round but I heard a snap on my elbow. For the rest of the fight, I couldn’t use my right hand. He got up unfazed and was ready for more. It was stupid; I didn’t work hard enough on my cardio to have the stamina for a bout like this and I was wasting energy brawling with him. By the end of the round I was physically exhausted and so was he.

From round 5 to 12 was a boring fight…he kept grabbing me to catch his breath and I didn’t try and get him off me because I was winded and needed to catch mine. By the 8th round, the boos filled the arena. And by the 11th and 12th round people were leaving. This was not the type of fight I’m use to putting out.
I won the split decision. As the announcer interviewed me after the fight...because I put up a boring fight, they kept booing me even while I was talking…got me a little worked up but tried not hide it. I apologized to the fans for a boring fight and promised a better outing next time…

When asked about my injury, I said, “I’m going to work my ass off until this ride is over. It’s something that I’ll deal with but don’t feel sorry for me; I’ll be back stronger than ever. Although this sport might have dealt me this injury but feelings toward the sweet science is pure and passionate. I’m not gonna let this injury take me over…”

The Hype...

2009-08-25T18:58:00.000-07:00

“Thank y’all for comin’…ya’ll got yourselves an explosive fight tomorrow…it’ll be thunder vs. lightening…don’t blink…I’m gonna punch Kelton’s head off into the third row…I hope someone’s there to catch it.” The media and sports journalists responded with laughter. Terrell (nicknamed the “Hitman”) continued, “I thank Kelton for taking this fight. It’s good to fight someone that has a physique that is almost as good as mine…so ladies y’all might wanna check this fight out and watch two good gentlemen with good physiques go at it.” Once again the journalists responded with laughter and applause as Terrell finished and took a seat beside the podium. I laughed too…he’s not just a good fighter…he’s a great entertainer as well. It was my turn to walk up to the podium and say a few words to the media. “Good evening, it’s great to be in Las Vegas again. Terrell says he’s gonna knock my head to the 3rd row…we’ll see bout that…I just push my talent to the limit and they can’t stop me…” I turn and look to Terrell’s direction. “And neither can you…Thank you all very much for coming.” The crowd erupted with “ohhh”, laughter and applause. They were in for a good fight (at least they thought so) and some heated pre fight trash talk (which America loves…controversy). After we got grilled on a series of questions from the media, we squared off for the media to take pictures. All the flashes made my eyes hurt and when I blink or close my eyes, I see the flashes too. When asked if there were any final words from Terrell, he said “come may 22nd you’ll be uncrown with you’re head hanging down…in pain and stress left to confess… that the Hitman’s the best…so let’s make it simple and plain, after this fight Kelt will never be the same.” Any Poet knows that word choice is essential while any boxer understands that promotion is a fact of life for a big fight. The cheerful promotion may be essential but it belies the harsh reality that awaits us in the ring…a reality that no choice of words can hide… “So get your tickets peoples…cause the Kelton ass whooping is almost here…”

The opening belling is just 24 hours away….

Bad Left Hook

2009-08-21T03:14:00.000-07:00

A lot are scared to put their blade or soul into any type of furnace
They never want to be the one to stare down an opponent
You only live one live you only once
What would u say was your mark on the world??

Distractions has steered me to the path where I was told not to go through…late night hanging out with strippers and people whom I shouldn’t being hanging out with. Neglecting the hard work and discipline I’ve manifested over the years…forgetting how hard it was to come thus far… I know taking that casino night shift wasn’t the greatest idea…I know I’ve made my mistakes

I know my backs up against the wall every time I fight…that a loss could put me back competing in small shows back in Toronto with as little as 50 bucks a fight. Plus I got a Sports Illustrated section coming out shortly after my fight…so it should be the greatest performance thus far in my life…

Everyone that knows me knows I hate to lose…the thought of losing drives me to do the next rep…the next round...
The loss 3 years age sparked a fire that still burns within me…but that fire seemed to have diminished the last month an a half...maybe through the last three years of success and winning in a spectacular fashion has numbed my desire to continue excelling…and be 1% better from the day before…it seems like I’ve lost my identity as an individual …as an athlete...outside my life I had a harder time dealing with it because I was used to seeing my opponent and understand it and deal with it that way whereas when my opponent became myself that was very difficult to me. Sure distractions can be the blame…but that’s a very immature to put the blame on things other than myself…I’m becoming a believer now…success takes you where character cannot sustain you. Seems like I lets everyone in my camp down my trainers, coaches and everyone who stopped by during their busy lives to watch and cheer me on through training. Most importantly I let myself down…I’m sorry…

I lay on my bed…I can imagine myself already…making my entrance to Kanye West’s song “Amazing”. As I walk out I keep my focus as I make my way to the ring and not get distracted by the fans cheering or booing and trying to grab me…its a very beautiful place to be inside the ring...so pure...so clean. There’s no illusions about it...there’s no lying in there...no deceit. Many people wouldn’t even put themselves in it with that chaos...fear...many would rather watch me do it...they're too terrified...they'd rather buy tickets and sit in the stands and watch me go after it

Just the other day we did the final acclimation to see how I’ll look in a 12 round fight and the results were utterly embarrassing…my conditioning was not there…I was physically exhausted by the 8th round…

My manager came back today with my fight shorts with my sponsors stitched on it. The after party that I’ll be hosting after the fight at the Red Rock Hotel & Casino has been booked with advanced tickets all sold out already too. Everything is ready to go except me. My manager talked about my opponent…he goes by the name Terrell 40-3…an impressive record alongside an impressive resume of 32 fighters he’d knocked out and sent to the hospital…My manager says that Terrell insists that its a mismatch and that he’ll give me a free trip to the hospital on the 22nd. He claims I lack the desire and hunger to win and be on top anymore…that my training lacks intensity…my punch power has faded…my footwork has slowed down and that my skills and techniques are now questionable if non-existent….from the recent tapes he’d studied of me. But the more I hear it’s a mismatch the more determined I am… does he believe all my punches are lamp punches…wide punches???...and that I only walk forward in straight lines if he really believes…superb! With limited stamina…our game plan is restricted. I must go for the finish in the early rounds…before my gas tank dies out but if he takes control of the first few rounds then I gotta back up and pace myself to successful counter punching and hope to explode through the later rounds…For once it’s a match I’m not looking forward to…

All in all…sigh…this fight I can’t say I can win but all I can say is...I’ll give it all a got…

Phase Shift

2009-08-13T02:35:00.000-07:00

It’s been really busy the last month prepping for exams and preparing for my fight…
My lifestyle has changed dramatically…I’ve changed my schedule totally around…I’m completely nocturnal now…I wake up train for my fight...workout and head to work at the CNE casino from 10pm to 6am. I return home to study. It’s a routine I can never grow accustomed to…

On the days off I’d wake up at 6pm just in time to catch a meal with my parents…my breakfast…their dinner. Then I’d train with my coach…do my sparring rounds…pads/mitts….and all that good stuff…then I’d go to my local 24 hour gym and pump some weights. I’d be up all by myself while the rest of the world seems to be asleep.

It so happened last week I went to the 24 hour gym and the gym only had me and 3 other girls at around 4am. When our workouts were done, we sat down and had a chat...they were exotic dancers and were working out after their “work”. Anyways we exchanged phone numbers and they’d call me after work to hang out on my days off. They seem to be pretty cool people…very down to earth…which I would least expect from the trio of strippers…which totally changed my perception of them...

Little did i know that I'm getting caught up with work and my new found "friends"...that I'm not giving the respect for my opponent come August 22nd...

Axiom

2009-07-19T22:18:00.000-07:00

Went to the Library to study today…just wanted to be an average student with primarily academics on their mind. It went well, after I met up with some high school friends while having dinner at FMP today. Seem like everyone on their way to climbing up that corporate ladder…on the verge of becoming rich and famous…even in this recession. My philosophy has always been the fact that in reality, landing a decent job that will have a lasting impact on our careers will always be hard to find and compete for…but with this recession, we are blame it on the recession and hide under it like a blanket to excuse ourselves from finding a good job or getting a job at all…in a way it covers up for our insecurities (in the career sense)…but seems like my high school buddies are well on their way. I’m delighted to see them become a success story…maybe my high school business teacher was right when she said our year of students were the most exceptional kids she’d ever taught…wait a minute…that should include me too don’t it??…or am I too caught up in my childhood fantasies???

Everyone narrows their focus on school and academics which in turn gives us that high salary job. But for me I’m the one trying to balance academics, my military career, boxing at the top level while holding a part-time job to finance my endeavors. Of course school is unprecedented…it tops my priority. It’s tough sometimes but at the same time I feel very privileged to be able to accomplish all this. I feel very happy that every day I wake up excited just like I was when I was a kid trying to strive to be better in every facet of life...not just my boxing. Because I do what I like to do and it’s not something that everybody can say in this world, I know a lot of people, if they could, would like to change places with me…but I’d be lying if I told you school sometimes is a dread.

May be it is time to abandon this and focus on my career. But if I qualify for the Olympics in 2012 and perhaps bring the gold medal home…will it make it all worth the effort??? But if I call it quits…the feeling calm and excitement of walking in the ring with thousands in the crowds cheering at a moment when you are the most true to yourself…this will be nothing but a mere memory. The adrenaline rush…the thunderous roar of the crowds giving a standing ovation after my victory…the after parties that I host at the casinos and different venues…meeting celebrities…man those days can only be revisited in dreams or through my imagination…by then…no longer a reality…but the fighting spirit lingers on…

What am I thinking about quitting anyways??? I have a fight in a month in Vegas…dammit my right arm still hasn’t healed up yet and I can’t train and prep for the fight until it’s healed. One option of healing it is injecting steroids into my elbow and it’ll heal at a superhumanly fast rate…expensive with adverse side effects. I’ve always turned down that as a treatment option…but now it seems to be an incredibly attractive and viable option now. Well, whether not I choose to quit the sport or not, I already signed the contract that I’ll fight in this event in Las Vegas…but one thing is for sure, I need a long break away from the sport, and I’ll go form there and see if I have hunger to return and prove that I’m the best at this…potentially leaving a legacy…

Divine Chaos (Part III)

2009-07-08T18:43:00.001-07:00

On Sunday we had lunch with Hawkins and his crew, and sent them on their way back to Vegas. He’s going back to his office and finalize the sponsorship deal which my manager still has to fill me in on. He’ll then send it over and have me sign the contract.
He taps me on the shoulder, “Make me proud son, I’ll be there watching ya in August!” I smiled, “Don’t blink!” I watched and waved as him and his crew went through the check-in and on to customs until they were no longer in sight. I turned around and walked out o the airport. What was racing through my mind was…”Oh my goodness! I’m injured…not being able to use my right hand which takes away a weapon in my arsenal and a torn ligament in my knee which restricts my mobility…how am I ever going to take on my opponent who is a juggernaut. At this point…it’s the first time saying this…but…I half accepted the fact that I might not win…but I just want to put on a good performance and a good spectacle for everyone who came to watch. Just as I was worrying about that my friend called…she passed her piano ARCT exam. “Now I’m a level ahead of you…” she joked. Damn…I should have done ARCT as soon as I finished my grade 10 piano. She invited me for dinner with her and her friends…good times…I’m happy for her…

Divine Chaos (Part II)

2009-07-06T19:36:00.000-07:00

The next day I received a phone call 2 minutes after I woke up, “Hey, Wolverine is your elbow healed yet??” I smirked, “Even Wolverine needs more than just a few days to heal connective tissues in the elbow.” “Well, get dressed we gotta pick the dude up from the airport in 2 hours.”
Me, my manager and my coach picked up the Las Vegas “Potential Sponsor” in a limousine. He had this rich man’s swagger. He had a shock of orangey blond stuck straight up from his ovoid head like a toy troll. His head was cocked upward; his smile seemed like a plastic snap-on attachment and his features were flattened as if pressed back by an invisible stocking. He was Hawkin Riggs. The people he brought with him looked rather cool compared to him and were well dressed.
As soon as we meet his face lights up and points at me, “So you’re the stud we are looking for!” With his scratchy voice...which sounded like it was weathered from years of late night partying, drinking and smoking. “The name is Hawkin Riggs,” he continued, “And you are the folks behind this aren’t cha.” He says to my coaches and manager. “Well, let’s see wutcha got!”
We got into the limo on the way to the gym, I tried to relax while I was in the limo…but I was already in that trance…the same one before every fight…the butterflies in your stomach…the nervousness…the adrenaline…I tune in and out of his conversations with my manager and coach, but from what I can comprehend during the adrenaline rush, was him talking about hookers, strippers and getting laid….typical rich Las Vegan or was vacuuming every little training detail that my coach had in his head.
We finally arrived at the gym. I went through my usual training routine….skipping….shadowboxing…going through the mitts with my coach and hitting the bags…nothing less than non stop display of intensity, speed, power and skill. He stood just outside the ring watching closely and talking quietly amongst his people…. I had to show that I was a superb technical boxer with beautiful balance, footwork and punching form…transforming drudgery into a spectacle…performing a genuine craftsman’s passion when done in earnest. During my sparring session, I fully extended my right arm on a right straight and heard a snap on my elbow…shit I reinjured it…I was in a world of pain but I couldn’t show it or slow down my workout in front of all these people and especially a potential sponsor…I looked up at the clock…I had 6 more rounds of sparring left to go and 3 sets of circuit training following it which translates into 50 more minutes to go…I smiled to myself…this will be a real test to my threshold for pain…
The final round of sparring ended, which concluded the blazing 3 hr workout. As I climbed out of the ring…exhausted, worn-out and with
He smiled, “I see greatness reflected not just in the mirror, but also in the potential of those around me today. That was worth my plane ticket already!”
He patted me on the back, “You got my support son.”
I left to wash up and get changed for dinner with him and his crew…leaving my manager and Hawkins yap away at sponsorship deals.
I grabbed my elbow…it was burning like a stove…I could feel my pulse on it. My coach walked in, “You did a hell of a job out there. I’m proud of ya kid!” and my sparring partners rushed in to congratulate me…even though they were all bruised and battered from sparring with me...but hearing the praise and admiration of others that you really care about…the feelings great.

I didn’t want Hawkins to wait too long for me to get ready for dinner. I just pulled on a nice pair of jeans and dress shirt. We took Hawkins and his crew to Celestin on Mount Pleasant for dinner. Here, we got a chance to get to know about one another. He liked to talk in circles around a point rather than getting directly to it. He was victim of the disease called thinking/talking too much. My head spun listening to him. Throughout the dinner, he talked all about himself and I can see that even his people whom he brought to Toronto with wanted him to shut up for a few minutes and give their ears a rest. It took me a while to get this guy but to me at least he seemed like he wanted to be the Wizard of Oz: the little guy behind the curtain, pulling the strings that made everyone around him think he was a big and powerful master of the realm. His conversations were just boasting about how many strippers and show girls in Vegas he’s been with and described in detail how he boned every single one of them. None of us were really interested. He’d check up on every girl that passed by. Girls thought he was a queer. I leaned over to my manager and asked, “I hope this guy is sponsoring us good to put up with his crap.” My manager nodded, “Don’t worry…its good!”
Anyway, dinner’s over I thought I’d bring him to a desert place….I was thinking Panorama. But he had other plans, “I wanna check out hot chicks in Toronto…” he said. My coach suggested he’d go visit a strip club and my manager whispered in my ear to just get him a prostitute so he can shut up and the rest of us can go home and stop hearing his annoying voice. He put his arm around me, “Let me bring you to a place to far beyond your imagination...its a place members only…you rewarded me with your training and dinner and now I’ll return the favour…come with me…” I called up Bonnie (real name withheld) who I met at an import show couple years ago and asked her if she wanted to come join me since she welcomed the idea of meet rich powerful people…I told her to bring her friends so she feels more comfortable.
Hawkins brought me into this ran-shackled place a block from the entertainment district…I don’t even know the name of the place…because we entered through an alleyway through the back door…but he seemed to know the management there. The interior was quite impressive…had the 18th century décor …guess that was the theme. Bonnie and her friends were sitting at the bar. Nearly every male including Hawkins was staring at them trying to muster up the courage to approach. There was a stage at the front…a girl wearing just feathered pasties and matching panties was dancing…somehow she looked too familiar. I could’ve sworn I’ve seen her somewhere. While, I was talking to Hawkins and his crew…I was at the same time remembering where I know that girl from. I took another glance at her again. I couldn’t believe it…it was Jill…it was too big of a shock for me. She was talking the other day about preserving her reputation and now she utterly tarnishing it. She reached under her legs and threw her panties into the audience. A flying herpes rag. A hipster with huge lips…the size of Jay-Z’s caught it. He crumpled it in his fist and thrust it into the air excitedly. His little venereal prize.
I was disgusted…I told the rest of the guys I usually sleep at 12ish and I’m in the middle of training camp…don’t want to destroy my sleep cycle…which was kind of true, yet it was an excuse to leave. I signaled to Bonnie to round up her friends and let’s get out of here. We went back uptown to Richmond Hill and just chilled for a bit.

I’ll fill you guys in on more details tomorrow…and finish up with it tomorrow…got to get some sleep.

To be continued…

Divine Chaos (Part I)

2009-07-05T22:33:00.000-07:00

What a weird weekend it has been. The only thing that was normal was that I studied 6 hours this weekend…that’s about it…

A Las Vegas entertainment promotion company called up my manager and offered to sponsor my bout in Las Vegas this coming August. He was going to make his way up to Toronto this weekend to meet with me and my team personally and to I guess see if we are worth his money. My manager filled me in on the details Thursday…told me he a millionaire owns a large share of the Red Rock Hotel & Casino down in Las Vegas…and he told me that he’s visiting this weekend and he’ll watch me train in the gym, so maximum intensity and I better have my game face on. It’s kind of hard to accomplish that when I’m injured to the point where every time I can’t throw my right hand without a feeling of sharp pain coming from my elbow. I really needed sponsors and I wasn’t going to succumb to the pain. But me being pessimist, I thought all this was too good to be true….

My trainers and I agreed that it was a good idea to take the rest of the week off to recover and hopefully be able to perform and surpass his standards to sponsor us. If I perform at my best when I’m healthy, I know for a fact that he’d be impressed. So here I am with a month to go from my fight in Las Vegas, and its not that I’m that I’m not ready, but it’s the fact that I’m not even close and yet…I’m taking a week off. So I’d thought I’d call up some old friends and catch up with them, so I called up Jill (not her real name) who I had met while I was had a boxing tournament in Kansas City many, many moons ago…she was the ring girl holding up the signs displaying which round it was during the time I was in the ring (a.k.a. just some eye candy for the fight fans who are presumably male). I caught up with her at the after party and by the end of the night we walked out like we’ve known each other for decades. I called her up for to have a drink…non –alcoholic for me of course since I’m getting my body and mind primed for the fight. Me and her are really close…she’s attractive of course being a ring girl, it’s pretty much embedded in the job description and she very well-spoken with a fun character. Reputation bleeds on every word but we don’t take it that way when we talk amongst ourselves or any of our friends…that way, we are comfortable talking about literally anything…as usual, I listened most of the time as she spoke about her recent outbreak of herpes that she hadn’t told anyone yet but she’s very regretful about it (Hope she doesn’t read about it). She was worried how her friends and others would treat or judge her if they found out and how detrimental it would impact on her reputation. I reassured her that if someone feels that they have never made a mistake in their life, then it means they had never tried a new thing in their life. I was reminded of what my friend would tell me when I’m down…and I recited it back to her “Fall in love or fall in hate...get inspired or be depressed....Ace a test or flunk a class...make babies or make art...speak the truth or lie and cheat...dance on tables or sit in the corner...life is divine chaos...embrace it...forgive yourself...breathe...And enjoy the ride...” By the end of the night, she was returned as the happy, fun girl again…even saw a smile out of her…its good to have you back Jill!

The next day had lunch with Pat. He’s always a funny guy and bunch of good laughs and good food. That night I was lying in bed when I got a call from him…his voice was flat out monotone…”My father has pancreatic cancer, so he’s on his way out,” he said, “It’s strange, but the first person I decided to call was you.” When I asked him how he felt about it…which was kind of a retarded question. He replied, “I’m not upset, but my mom was crying and it’s the first time I’ve ever seen her cry. Dad always wanted whiskey poured on his grave, so my brother said, ‘I just hope he doesn’t mind me filtering it through my bladder first.’ ” He laughed. I tried to force a chuckle out for his sake. The image of it wasn’t amusing to anyone who didn’t hate the guy.

Still more to come,
To be Continued...

Walking Under the Ladder

2009-06-26T00:02:00.000-07:00

Today was one of those days that you can almost say I regret even waking up today…

Started off woke up an hour later than I’m suppose to my alarm clock didn’t ring on my cell phone but then when I double checked what time I set it on last night, I set it on 10pm instead of 10am on accident.

Hurried to CNE casino to do my table test, and I was so jittery on my text that I failed it. I don’t even know why I’ve succumbed to the pressure and was antsy during the test. Not mad at or blaming anyone….just mad at myself for not being able to perform on the test. What makes things even worst is that I have the ability to pass the test with flying colours but just wasn’t able to perform like that.

Lost the basketball game 4 times in a row…dammit I HATE losing…
Next I supported my friend who really wanted to be an amateur MMA fighter like I have been in the past, by attending his grappling tournament today. I watched him grapple, he was ready from I started I saw the most determined I’ve seen him in years.

Then, I got the news that dancing icon and the greatest performer of all time who I watched since I was a kid, Michael Jackson died of cardiac arrest.

The first match he had the skills and technicalities to beat his opponent, but his opponent was patient and outwitted him. I kept telling him to escape from half-guard but he just wouldn’t listen and went his own way and lost. I can see frustration in his eyes…I kept telling me he should have listened to me…but what is done cannot be undone…

The worst has yet to come until I got picked up from my mom and brother. I thought my mom was tired from work and told to take the back seat and let me drive while she rests. I guess it was a mistake, because the whole car ride back home was just sitting in traffic listening to my mom yell at me for little things that don’t even matter. To make things worst my brother beside me was giving me attitude. Really, I was in no mood to argue so I just took it like a punching bag takes punches. When we finally arrived at home and it was dinnertime, I guess my mom had a bad day because her yelling at me was non stop at little things too. At the point where I snapped and told her to mind her own business and that’s when all hell broke lose with her and my dad. I guess that statement aggravated my dad and he yelled at the top of his lungs and ordered me to kneel down before him, he had a long thick stick in his hand. As mad as he was I was just as pissed off and I questioned him why I had to kneel before him, but he wasn’t up for an explanation he told me to just do it. So I did as he asked, I wasn’t a bit scared of getting hit over the head with that stick, my mentality was that if the stick ever touched me I break it into pieces. My mom rushed downstairs to stop my dad. But my dad was firm, he told her to leave or else she’d get beaten too. I clenched my jaws when I heard that statement, and everyone knows how destructive and how unstoppable I am when I get angry. My dad told her to leave again, he reassured her that he has his reasons. After a long yelling back and forth reasoning with my dad, I knew I was wrong and shouldn’t treat my own mother like that. Later my dad told me he was going to strike at me with the stick as he’d done so countless of times when I was a young but the only thing holding him back was that he couldn’t take beating down his own son.

I regret saying what I said….I hated the outcome…I hope that when I lay on my death bed the only word that comes to mind when I reminisce about life is “regret”. I’ll apologize tomorrow…

Shit today brought the worst out of me…I’m tired…its getting late…its 3:30am…even the thought of today makes me sick…just hope tomorrow will be better…

Key's in D Major

2009-06-14T17:24:00.000-07:00

Things are going out of hand with summer school, work and training for my upcoming fight.
So far this has been the worst training camp EVER! I reinjured my knee….and once again my ligament in my knee is torn once again. To make matters worst, I had an arm wrestle showdown with my friend’s cousin lost the first time but manage to almost pull a victory the second time until my elbow popped and I had to give up. On the road to recovery, I attend parties, late night activities and so forth…even though most of the time, I don’t even take a sip of alcohol. Just to take my mind off the monotony of training. Just a little something that stuck out of mind during my absence from training all day…

Went to Promise Piano Bar the other day just to catch up with some friends and it was pretty empty when my friends and I got there. As usual it was all laughs and jokes with old buddies around. It was one of my friend’s idea for me to go jam on the piano because he never heard me play before. I walked up to the piano and gently placed my fingers on the keys. My fingers were rigid stiff from the calices, bumps and bruises accumulated form years of boxing and not practicing piano frequent enough. As soon as I played the first note, I was in a zone where I couldn’t hear a thing and my mind was 100% focused on playing. I played song after song all in a medley, some included (Neyo - So Sick, 王力宏 - 心跳,
and bunch of old songs we grew up listening to in high school). I played for at least 15-20 minutes straight but it only felt like 5 minutes. I finished playing to a thunderous applaud from customers at the bar; customers that strolled in while I was playing piano in my deep trance that I didn’t notice. I looked around the bar, everyone had smiles on their faces clapping, the waitresses all stood there clapping along with all the kitchen staff that came out to listen. I turned and glanced over at my friends; they smiled and nodded in approval. I sat back down at my table, everyone in the bar kept their eyes on me. A young gentleman walked over from his table where his girlfriend was sitting I assumed as request that I play Kci & Jojo song “All My Life” because its his girlfriend’s favourite song. In return, he offered to buy me any alcohol of my choice. As I walked closer to the piano again, it is as if a blanket of silence descended upon the bar. Everyone in the bar was dead still, I can see candles flickering against the walls. As I through the intro of the song, I became more confident if the chords and I got my timing down. People started singing along too, before I knew it I was sing along while I was playing too. Because I was unfamiliar with the ending, I improvised and slowed the song down a bit. (booo, my mistake!) The gentleman walked up to me afterwards, I can see a big smile across his face, he handed me a twenty dollar bill and said, “Here, go spend it on something you enjoy!” Before I left the bar, the manager came out and asked if I was interested in playing piano at the bar on weekend nights and of course I turned the offer down. My friends said, “That’s the first genuine smile I’ve seen from you in a long time!”

The experience was like a breath of fresh air for me

In my Own Words

2009-05-10T20:06:00.000-07:00

Today is mothers day of course…spent the whole day with my mom…I’m thankful for all she’s done…I know its hard to hard to raise to sons especially when she has a son like me whose always in trouble…

Whether it’s me fighting in Las Vegas as a prize fighter or a soldier venturing into the deserts of Afghanistan hunting the Taliban for a peacekeeping mission…my mom deserves the right to know what his son’s endeavors. She just wants me to live a normal life of an A+ student and get a decent, steady, well-paying 9-5 job. But for me I strived that and more…juggling my part time occupation as a soldier, an ambitious boxer striving for the opportunity of a lifetime and yet trying to accomplished the goal set by my mom…can be strenuous at times… But I sometimes I find it hard to tell her…but if I want to be the best at what…I must work and train harder and use methods different than just the normal average…having said that, there will always be that element of danger competing at that level…playing it safe is just for the average…she terrified of me in the midst of danger. I guess the best way for her to know is for her to find out rather than me telling her… it always just resorts into nagging and eventually an argument of some sort. I guess it’s her way of showing she cares. Hopefully one day she can turn on the TV and see that her son not only has lived up to her expectations but surpassed his own too in bringing the Olympic gold medal home…I think that’s the best way to let her know.. That’s the vision I have going through all that hard blood…sweat…pain and agony furing training...My wrist has healed fully and its 100%...its time to get back on the journey to the 2012 Olympics. Partying and relaxing are over…with the match scheduled in August in Las Vegas fast approaching…facing an undisputed champion from east LA…The ring beckons again…

They are heirs to a tradition that have been around since the beginning of civilization,
modern day warriors...whose physical supremacy remains the ultimate judge…
philosophers of a craft where nothing can replace the simple elements of…faith, focus and fortitude…
training with an energy that is endless,
teaching from textbooks that are invisible,
and fighting with a force of entire nations behind them

he is the best amateur boxer in the world in the eyes of his trainers
an ambitious champion whose triumphs has come over a variety of weights over legends of the amateur ranks
he is the doubter at hand...fearless relentless and eager for another opportunity…to prove that he's more than just a charismatic challenger
in his pursuit he's made a pursuit he's made a bold move...hiring a new coach…a loud, irrepressible but undeniably wise to peculiar discipline of boxing science
Their unlikely pairing will be countered by permanent bond…a partnership with roots between the ropes but a connection that thrives long after the sound of any bell
2 modern warriors one opposite sides of the world have become embodiments of the pride of 2 nations, 2 very different ring philosophers whose teachings are tested with each new trip to the spotlight
12 weeks, 2 training camps…from
Toronto to Los Angeles to Las Vegas on the night of the fight…
In just 12 hours…the first day of that 12 week training camp for the fight begins…

And that “he” is just the mere shadow that walks around with me…
That “he”…has got to be…me…

Flicker of Hope

2009-04-17T09:15:00.000-07:00

When I was young and unafraid, that's when dreams were made and used or wasted. There was never a ransom to be paid for it. It filled my days with endless wonder...I dreamed a dream when hope was high and life, worth living. And the world was a song...a beautiful yet exciting song. I dreamed there was a time when love was blind and that it would never die. I dreamed that God would be forgiving...

But there was a time when it all went wrong...
As they tear your hope apart, and they try turn your dream to shame. There are dreams that cannot be, and there are storms we cannot weather!

I had a dream my life would be so different from this...this...I'm living. So different now from what it seemed...Now life has killed the dreams I dreamed. But there's still hope in one last childhood dream...thus I'll relish it, hard work and perseverance. I dream now that last dream will come to be...

Solitude

2009-04-08T14:51:00.000-07:00

I came home from studying at the library today, there was a package mail to me sitting outside my front porch. The handwriting was difficult to read, but the return address caught my attention.

"Mr. George Griffhis" it read. He was my Sergeant and instructor of my Basic Underwater Demolition course. He spent a lot of time teaching me things he thought were important...not just military skills and tricks of the trade but values, lessons and morals in life too. During training he’d put in extra time coaching me and made sure that I was focused and know the drills off by heart. He was a father figure to me during my years in military training up until I went over to Afghanistan. He always had a small pouch tied around his belt of his combats. I must have asked him a thousand times what was inside. All he'd ever tell me was “the thing I value most," he’d say.
I took the package to the kitchen and ripped open the package. There inside was the gold box and an envelope. My hands shook as he read the note inside.

"Upon my death, please forward this box and its contents to Kelton Fung. It's the thing I valued most in my life." A small key was taped to the letter. My heart was racing, as tears filled my eyes, there was another note. It read:
Dear Kelton Fung,
I am sorry to tell you that my beloved son Sergeant George Griffhis was killed in action in Iraq March 28th. It was not covered in the media so you might have not known. My son spoke highly of you. The last conversation he had with me he said he left the bright lights of California to pursue is childhood dream, which was to be a U.S. Navy SEAL. As years progress during military service, he grew weary of it and soon his childhood dream turned into a nightmare. When you came to the Naval Special Warfare in Coronado to cross train with the Navy SEALS, it revitalized his vision to stay in the SEAL team. He saw you as himself training during his years as a new recruit. Wherever you are thanks you for being the light of his life when it was dark! May his undying spirit live on through you! God Bless!
Joanne
I opened the box and there…inside was his pouch he always wore. I opened the pouch hastily and found a beautiful gold pocket watch.

Running my fingers slowly over the finely etched casing, I unlatched the cover. Inside I found these words engraved:

"Kelton, Thanks for your time! - George Griffhis."

"The thing he valued most...was...my time."
He had a little note attached to the watch, it read, “This was passed down to me by my Sergeant when I was a new recruit for being the top of my class. Now I pass this down to you. In Pace Paratus!”

Thanks for taking the time to read this!

2009-03-28T17:57:00.000-07:00

This week, this month has been nothing short of meeting and greeting new people...becoming friends, reacquainting with old friends...enjoying life before exams rain on me...

Just wan t to thank everyone for letting me share something and supporting me at events that has been such an inspiration, creative outlet, and sweet solace in my life all these years - whether it is music on the guitar...on the piano, dance, singing, or boxing...

"For every Secret There is a Truth..For every Choice There is a Price.." Is the choice worth the price???

Keys in A Minor

2009-03-15T13:52:00.000-07:00

Since, I shattered my wrist, I get a break from training. I know I talk a lot about it, its on my mind a lot…dreaming of having that Olympic gold medal around my neck…There’s other things that are more important in my life tho.

I was home alone this afternoon, I was wandering around my house daydreaming. I came to my living room, sat down in front on my piano. I haven’t touch it a long time. The piano is gathering dust…almost an antique. I quickly dusted the piano off a bit, opened the cover up, revealing the black and white keys. I placed my fingers on the keys. My fingers instinctively played a melody familiar…yet appropriate. My fingers were a bit stiff and my wrist hurt as I played when I had to stretch my fingers to hit chords in multiple parts of the song…yet I still played. My fingers were playing...yet I didn’t recognize what melody it was. I kept playing until I reached the chorus of the song….

“My whole life has changed,
Since you came in, I knew back then,
You were the special one
I’m so in love, so deep in love
You made my life complete you are so sweet no one can be…”

I realized it was Ginuwine’s song “Differences”. I followed it up after with Joe’s song “I Want to Know” in a medley. My mind just flashed back, it was the song I played for Jess on our 6 months before she went back to Orange County, California. I remembered the tears that poured out of her eyes as I played and sang the song. I remembered it like yesterday. Tears of happiness…I never knew models cry. I haven’t made someone that happy in a while….I’ve brought a lot of hurt, anger and suffering to others including myself lately. I’m gonna turn that around. Jess…thanks for everything, I hope you are doing well in Cali, God Bless =)

I finished the song…put my hands on my lap, took my foot off the pedal and sighed. I looked outside, mesmerized by the beautiful day….sunshine…birds chirping. It’s a pity that I have a 12 page paper due Thursday. Time to get started on that…

Nemesis

2009-03-11T19:15:00.000-07:00

School was stressful today. I hit the gym hoping to get an intense workout for some stress reliever. I was hitting the heavy bag, practicing my combinations and power punches. As I was hitting the bag, I lost focus for a few seconds to think about life and the people that are in it. I felt a snap followed by sharp pain on my wrist. I winced in pain as I pulled off my 21 oz gloves to check out my wrist. It was swollen really bad, it was my left wrist too. My left hand is the one that delivers the most powerful blows in my arsenal…my left hook…its the one that gave me the most knockouts. Feels like I have hit a brick wall once again, I smiled to myself…brick walls are there to weed out the weak, so the strong ones that really have the desire for it will find a way around it. And I’ll find a way around this one. Boxing is really an unforgiving sport…there’s very little margin for error…all it takes is a moment of lost focus or one punch to lose or to get injured…perfection is the key. My coaches and entourage ran towards me to see what had happened. I reassured them I’d be fine. “I’ll be back,” I promised them. “My sights are set for the 2012 Olympics…that won’t change.” Even if the morrow is barren of promises, nothing shall forestall my return…

On the bright side of things, its heating up…summer will be around the corner soon. It means camping, going to the beach…and SURFING (well not in Toronto, but in Cali). When I close my eyes I can already see the water glistening, the sound of waves crashing… I’m dying to go ride the waves…and while riding the waves, reaching and gently touching the walls of the wave as you speed across it….
Its gonna be a great summer!!

Rising Tide

2009-03-07T22:35:00.001-08:00

Just finished watching UFC 96: Jackson vs. Jardine…and I must say good fight...better than I thought. I thougt i was just going t be one sided with Quiten "Rampage" Jackson knocking Jardine's head off. Jardine had a lot of heart. That man just doesn’t give up. I guess in Canada no fighter draws more viewers than GSP. I hope there's gonna be a UFC 100 press tour again...then it'll be my second time meeting with him! I was at the Boston Pizza and people were cheering screaming over strikes that missed or were blocked. Then some skinny dude called Jardine a pussy when he lost. I guess those are like the people talking smack about me when I was fighting in Florida. All talk no bite…please keep retarded comments to yourself…

My goal is to claim the top spot for everything I deem is important. I’m close to that quest to be the best in some aspects of my life…but I’m not looking down just yet to see how high I’ve climbed…but I assure myself that the top spot will be worth all the sacrifices and everything in the end…and when I reach that point, I can finally say I see no one above me. But currently, there is one more person ahead of me. He’s like a cloud that hangs over my head. I'm going to keep working on it...but sadly...the window of opportunity is closing...

I finally returned to military service. I did a parachuting refresher today up in Trenton. We were able to squeeze in 4 jumps off the C-130 Hercules. 2 static line jumps and 2 H.A.L.O. (high altitude low opening) jumps…thank God that everyone had a soft landing with no injuries. To my surprise, my army skills haven’t faded.

3 papers due next week….oh my…its gonna be a long week.

“None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free.”
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Bliss..?

2009-02-28T19:46:00.000-08:00

"Three keys to more abundant living: caring about others, daring for others, sharing with others."

I only have 1.5/3 out of the three keys...need to work on it...
Life is getting busy. When I'm working or studying I wish I can get through it as soon as possible and take a break and do the things I want to do. But then when I'm taking a break and hanging out with some friends having some fun, I go home thinking of the time I could have spent training or studying. I'm never complacent...I guess I just need to embrace what life has in store for me now and just let the chips fall where they may...

In Pursuit of...

2009-02-19T22:52:00.000-08:00

Got second place in the basketball tournament today…but in my eyes, we lost the whole basketball tournament…just as good as getting last place…and to lose…it’s crushing…I hate losing more than I like the sweet taste of victory. My teammates are content because they have a trophy to take home to show to their friends and family…and to them there was no shame in falling short of being the best. I can’t blame the loss on my teammates…I can only put the blame on myself for not practicing and letting my skills deteriorate…can’t complain…just gotta work harder. When I got home, I walked into my living room…sat on the sofa and gazed at all the medals, ribbons and trophies on top of the fireplace that I received over the years. Almost all of them were first place prizes, medals and trophies…I look at the trophy I just earned from the basketball tournament in my hands…I clenched my jaw…I vowed to be back next year better than ever and claim the number one spot at all cost even if I have to carry the whole team on my back. I guess this is what is called “experience”… what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted. This was a lesson learned…my dad and coach basically ingrained into my head all these years to always be ready so that you never have to get ready…but I never followed through…and here I am now procrastinating on my studies...going into midterms not fully prepared. Lesson learned!!! I put the trophy on my bed side table…the plaque at the bottom of the trophy that says “2nd place”…which means to me…”you weren’t good enough”… when I arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love...I’ll be reminded of my shortcomings as well and to ensure that it doesn’t repeat itself…making that day a productive one….one that gets me ready for whatever curve ball life throws at me….they say luck has a big part to do with it…but I believe you create your own luck and being prepared is when…luck is truly where preparation meets opportunity. Just like people talk about finding their lives. In reality, your life is not something you find…it's something you create.

Reading week has been good to me…it provided me with some breathing space. Had the opportunity to really sit down and reflect on what is wrong and what I need to improve on. I see a lot of so called “smart” people…but what they are doing is only parroting smart people….following them like a puppet and not daring to be themselves. Wake the fuck up…you were born an original…don't die a copy…have a mind of your own…who you really are is enough. I’m feeling the recession heat already…I’m just living off the money of my boxing winnings from December…but if you want to feel rich, just count the things you have that money can't buy….and I guess we are all rich in our own little way…

I woke up at 4 am the other day…didn’t feel like going back to sleep….I sat up at the edge of my bed…memories of Afghanistan surfaced again…I glanced at the jar of sleeping pills beside my bed…I thought to myself…those thoughts can just disappear in a matter of minutes if I just take a pill. I remember I made a promise to myself to restrict myself from taking anymore unless I have serious insomnia again. I peeked outside my window…dark, quiet yet peaceful before dawn…I tiptoed downstairs and slipped on my shoes and headed outside for a morning run…
As I passed by my elementary school, I slowed down…an ocean of memories flowed into my mind…the good old days it was. The school yard where I used to play tag…the portable where I sat in for detention every day after school because of my bad boy nature…I remember how happy and beautiful those days were…where I woke up every morning and dancing was dreaming with my feet…boxing was singing with my hands. Everyone used to get along…I guess where I derived happiness from was when I was connecting to everyone around me in school during those days. Nowadays we selfishness often gets the better of us…I guess living your life the right way is never just about you, it’s about you and the people around you.

The sun’s peeking over the horizon…I can hear faintly…birds chirping in the distance…the world is coming back to life it seems…a fresh new day is upon us…it’s time to make this day…my day…

Vegas Day 3: Resilience

2009-02-02T12:07:00.001-08:00

Didn’t sleep last night…everyone in the hotel was trashed…all I heard was GSP! GSP! GSP! All night long as fans were celebrating. Canadian flags can be seen everywhere and everyone was wearing a Georges St. Pierre shirt of some sort. I was invited to a hotel room party by a group of people that flew from Canada to see the fight live. Had a lot of fun…they partied like rockstars…speaking of rock stars…I miss being a rockstar a month ago in Florida. But if my bout is signed by May or June…I might just be a rock star then for a couple days. Damn…the 6 figure contracts are still ringing in my head…
The phone rang in my hotel room just as I was about to leave to checkout…it was Diep he wished me a “Bon Voyage”…he thought I was French Canadian being a GSP fan…and to call him when I was in Las Vegas again. Guess I got a group of friends to chill with and party when I’m in Florida and now Las Vegas too. He brought up an interesting point…he mentioned that I should transition from boxing to MMA…something that has been on my mind constantly. I initially fought amateur in MMA in Gatineau, Quebec. From there I got an offer to fight for the WEC which offered me roughly $800 a fight, which I thought was not worth the time and money. Thus, I turned down the offer…months later, WEC was bought out by the UFC…and if I only took the offer earlier I would be competing in the UFC…painful memories…but that’s life. The city is still buzzing about the yesterday’s fight. Tons of people were at McCarren Airport checking in to fly back home after watching the fight. Everyone’s still talking about it. GSP is the welterweight king…even though his next opponent is a muay thai wrecking machine…

Being away from Toronto from all …I really got a chance to spend time with myself…cast out the distractions and reflect on the past and find out who I really am. Time is limited so don't waste it living someone else's life...Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people's thinking...don't let the noise of others opinion drown out my own inner voice ...and most important have courage to follow my heart and intuition...they somehow already know what I truly want to be... everything else is secondary...I must have long ranged goals to keep me from my short ranged failures.

“Everyday we go through life doing the same monotonous tasks required of us. We work so hard towards our goals that we often forget what it is we truly seek. Our minds are consumed by the tedious tasks forgetting the greater picture. Sometimes a monumental task forces us to be filled with frustration and anger at our own inability to accomplish something the person next to you seems to complete with ease. Take a breath, recall what it is you are working towards and remember the initial spark of motivation…that ignition that sent us on this journey. Do not ravage the dreams of others to achieve your own and know that with dedication and hard work, you can reach the plateau among the stars.”
I’m going to look at myself in the mirror at the start of everyday and ask myself…if today was the last day of my life, would I be doing what I’m about to do today and whenever the answer is no for a few consecutive days…I’ll know I need to change something. I’m in 4th year…have to kick start in my career soon and the economic turmoil isn’t looking good for me. Sports has always been my outlet/escape from just being a normal everyday university student…but as I age and my career gets busy, the ability to indulge in sports is taken away from me…then where’s my escape?...I’ll have to hang up my gloves one day…walk away from the bright spotlight inside the ring and abandon the arena with thousands of fans cheering for and against me...miss the crazy after parties…having influence people with hard work and dedication. Work is going to fill a large portion of our lives...the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work…and the only way to do great work is to love what you do…I haven’t found it yet but as for all matters of our heart...we’ll know once we find it and like any great relationship it only gets better as the years progress…so I have to keep looking…can’t settle…

I got out of Pearson airport around 5…it was cold but still warmer than I thought it would be…images of sunny weather and the beautiful city of Las Vegas still in my head…but reality hits…I can’t say it’s home sweet home…but its back to the grind of everyday life again…

“If you live each day like it’s your last, someday you will most certainly be right.”
永遠第一天

Vegas Day 2: Enigma

2009-02-01T12:11:00.001-08:00

My day started at 10am today. Got a meeting with an executive, Bob at a sports promotion company, Top Rank to negotiate a possible contract. Met up with my manager and headed downstairs to meet Bob. He was a chubby businessman with a crisp clean suit…not even a single piece lint on him. Shook hands with him and we followed him to his limousine. Had a few glasses of wine in the limo and got to his office just 10 minutes off the strip. He led us through his beautiful office and his friendly subordinates. We walked into a conference room where the room was filled with people all wearing professional attire. We sat down and all eyes were on me. Formal introductions was made by Bob, the others in attendance commented on my mystique that I was walking through tough competition without ever being seen on TV or the internet. I told them that my other job required that I keep myself low key for confidentially reasons. In attendance were some broadcasting network station producers, hotel/casino affiliates and some of Bob’s staff. The television network companies wanted to do a documentary of me to generate more buildup to the fight. I was asked to basically tell my story of my life pertaining to the sport. In short, I remember my humble beginnings when I was a kid all the training and workouts were thought to be a big waste of time and money. So my parents stopped sponsoring me for my training...but I followed my heart somehow and went door to door after school asking people if they had beer and wine bottles so I can sell back to the beer store. That was my income to pay for my gym membership until I finally got a job. At times I would even go through my neighbours’ recycling bins to find the bottles to finance my boxing gym membership. The frigid winter months of digging through the snow for beer bottles were the worst. I was almost convinced that my parents were right and just give up and just focus 100% on school and piano lessons…it was impossible to connect the dots back then...but it was very clear what all that led to...cant connect the dot looking forward into the future...you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in the future...you have to trust in something....your guts, life, destiny, karma...whatever...because believing the that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart even if it leads you off the well warned path...and that will make all the difference… The television producers listened with great interest as they were taking notes. Bob laid out potential opponents for me next as well as listing their credentials. The meeting lasted 5 hours, but no deal could be hammered out. The contracts were extremely lucrative, but most wouldn’t allow me to balance school, so further negotiations will be needed. My manager received business cards from all of them and told them we would call them once we have decided.

I returned to my hotel room and worked on my case study. At 5pm I looked out the window and the strip was still filled with people walking up and down but by 6:30pm the streets were empty and everyone was either at MGM Grand Garden Arena for UFC 94 or they were huddled in a bar somewhere watching it. I got a call from Diep, the person who took me clubbing last night, he was wondering if I wanted to join him and his friends to watch the UFC 94 at the auditorium at the MGM Grand for a closed circuit viewing. I met him and his friends there and the place was packed. Everyone was standing in front of the projector watching the fight. People were chanting the fighters name as if the fighters could hear them. The place exploded as BJ Penn and GSP made their entrances….people were on their feet cheering or booing. I can tell everyone was getting goosebumps minutes before the fight started. Excitement was definitely in the air. For every shot landed there’d be screams and “oooh”s. It was an impressive fight…both fighters fought their hearts out. My man GSP WON!!!...not only won but in a dominating fashion...he was so slick! All the GSP fans there were celebrating and partying while BJ Penn fans sat there in disbelief. GSP gave BJ Penn a piece of humble pie for talking so much smack before the fight and on primetime. By the 3rd and 4th round, BJ Penn could’ve easily been replaced by a blowup doll…he was just lying there getting beaten down. Damn…now I’m talking a little too much…hope no one says that about me if I get beat. The magnitude of the fight is just out of this world…there’s no event like this.

Boy…what a night!

Vegas Day 1: Halo

2009-01-31T19:26:00.000-08:00

Landed in McCarren airport in Las Vegas yesterday. With the warm dessert wind blowing softly across my face…feels like a home away from home. Cruising down the strip…the fountain outside Bellagio, passing through the Ships outside Treasure Island, the volcano outside Mirage and all the couples walking up and down the strip holding hands on their honeymoon…these were all so familiar as the last time I was here. We checked in at MGM Grand Hotel…I got my own room…and looked outside the window…the city of bright lights that never sleeps….just where I need to be…
This week the main attraction in the city was of course the mega fight UFC 94: GSP vs BJ Penn. Everyone literally EVERYONE is talking about it…and no one on the strip is shy about sharing their opinion either. But whoever asks me on my pick on who’s gonna win…of course I’d be saying it’s our Canadian boy Georges St. Pierre that’s gonna take it.

This morning I woke up and worked out a bit for last minute preparations to look more lean for my photo shoot. I did the photo shoot for Sports Illustrated in the afternoon. I guess I’m not pretty enough so they had to airbrush me to bring out some colour on my face. They took 67 shots but only 2 are going on the magazine…so much for nothing. I found out even taking like a billion photos with fight fans in Florida that I’m still camera shy. The photographers were awesome trying to make me relax and comfortable. The Q&A session asked me some tough questions, but he mainly asked about my training regimen, how to obtain that physique and how I balance being a full time student and a fighter. Also, he asked about my future plans and aspirations. And of course they asked the typical question how I got myself into the most dangerous sport in the world. These people are really professional once the cameras are rolling…but as soon as the camera lights dim, they’d play pranks on each other and were fun people to be around. Afterwards my manager and I were invited to dinner by the Sports Illustrated staff. The food could’ve been better but the good laughs we had made it all the difference.

I cashed out the Sports Illustrated cheque and decided to spend some of it at the Caesar Palace Casino. I sat down at the poker table and the players were in their mid-20s and the game was really intense. No one was even talking on that table. I had the worst hands in the world and I kept bluffing…I started joking around to the people in the table like I always do and made everyone laugh including the dealer…and people started opening up. Soon enough the intense poker game turned into a mere past time where no one cared about their chip count anymore since all our chips were just going back and forth anyway. I told the rest of the table I was going to head to the UFC 94 weigh-ins and see if the rest of them want to tag along and they were all eager to…so we all left the table simultaneously. The weigh-ins was packed with rowdy people and wannabe fighters, but nonetheless we could all feel the intensity of the super fight looming Saturday night. When Georges St. Pierre and BJ Penn entered there was a deafening roar from the fans. Many flew out here from Toronto and Montreal to support our Canadian boy GSP and same goes for BJ Penn from his fans from Hilo, Hawaii. It’s hard to determine who brought more fans with them, Hawaii and Canadian flags can be seen in the crowd. We all anticipate a good fight and hope it lives up to the hype.
After the weigh-ins my original plan was to go back to the hotel room and work on my case study but one of the people that I played poker with asked if I’d like to kick it off at Jet Nightclub at Luxor hotel that night…he had an extra VIP pass for me. It was an offer I couldn’t refuse…why not.
We entered the VIP lounge of the club through another entrance. The service and the club itself was on another level…it put any/all the Toronto clubs to shame. The VIP lounge was full of rich and powerful people. Sometimes celebrities would be seen here too but I didn’t recognize any tonight. As soon as everyone got a few drinks…everyone was in lala land. I sat on the couch of the VIP lounge…there was this cute and sexy girl sitting across from me...she seemed really familiar as if I saw her somewhere before. So decided to get to know her for a bit. She was pretty bitchy at first…but after a few drinks she seemed to mellow down a bit. Judging from the way she talks and her appearance…she looks like a spoiled rich girl with an impeccable fashion sense. As we were talking everyone in the VIP lounge were gawking and eavesdropping on our conversation. She noticed too and she took me upstairs to a more private setting. She talked about how she’s gets annoyed at the paparazzi following her and all that nonsense…while I was thinking to myself… why would paparazzi be following you? She was surprised that I was a prizefighter. At the end of the night, I decided not to try and get her number, but she gave me a kiss goodbye. I walked out of the club and people swarmed me like I was a rockstar back in Florida again and asked how I picked her up and if I got her number or not. I just told them that she’s just a pretty face (well a really pretty face) and there’s nothing special…they looked at me as if I was drunk or something. They were like…the girl you were talking to was Kim Kardashian…
Oh well…just another girl…famous not because of achievements or talents…but for “other” things…
Out of the hundreds of people I talked to on the elevators, clubs, bars and even bus stops…I wasn’t trying to run game on you…you girls were special…you really were…

Its been a month since I went to war with Clifton for the biggest fight of my life. I remember it like yesterday. There’s no other time where I can walk down the gym or in training and want it THAT bad….and want to win it all. If I can just use that for everything I do in life….that would be golden…

It was 4:30am…all the hotels and casinos pump pure oxygen…so you never get tired…I feel that I can go for another party right now…but I have a little bit more respect for my body which needs rest. I lie on the bed…the alcohol was still in my body and the world was swirling around me. I thought to myself…to become truly great, one has to stand with people, not above them...I ask for forgiveness of my arrogance at times…please God protect me from my pride…I remember my father told me that In life we shall find many men that are great, and some that are good, but very few men that are both great and good. I want to be that man that is both great and good…I want it all…There’s a lot of people and friends that support me…its very important for me not to let them down..

Seeking Validation

2009-01-16T11:12:00.000-08:00

This week I was invited by my prof to an economic breakfast meet this week. All the big five banks were there with their top economist to give their predictions and comment on the market. Most notable things they said were don’t expect a return in investments for another 3.5 years and depending on when the fiscal stimulus package will come, the contingent budget will pick up the economy in the 3rd quarter of 2009. They regarded it as “crawling from the depths of despair”. All the banks’ top economists agreed that investment in R&D, infrastructure will slowly bring the U.S. economy back up on its feet. They also noted that health care will be the number one industry in the world. Finally, the chief economist of RBC I believe said that economic predictions are not wrong, they are just too early or too late….which I thought was quite a theory. Afterwards had lunch with my prof, she asked me what I thought of it, I told her I’d listen to these big mouths if I wanted to lose all my money because Barclays CFO I remember made a bunch of predictions on this recession and said how it wasn’t going to be as severe, but all the predictions he made were terribly wrong.

My sights are set on Las Vegas…at first it was just a thought…now my manager got me a page in Sport Illustrated with a photo shoot and a Q & A session on the magazine…which takes place in the number one sin city of the world, Las Vegas...so I guess I can’t refrain from going now. I look like a bum right now…and haven’t been working out. I’m just too vain to pose with just my boxing shorts on and look out of shape, so I gotta polish up…even though I never have an ounce of fat on me. But gonna start working out again and get a little more defined than I already am….just when I thought I can take a break after the biggest fight of my life. Too bad Jess is doing her own photo shoot in LA and can’t join me Vegas or else it’ll be awesome. *Sigh* I need another vacation already…so Vegas here I come…

P.S. I promise myself to buckle down and study my ass off once I come back…Told my mom I'm going to a business conference so don't rat me out....ya I know I don't live a life of a normal student...

...And of course my coach when I was Brazil Mauricio “Shogun” Rua is fighting tomorrow at UFC 93…I hope he avenges his loss against Mark Coleman….War Shogun War!! I turned my TV on for the first time in 3 months to watch UFC Primetime: GSP vs BJ Penn behind the scene footage of both their training and life outside the octagon. I met both the fighters in person…both being tremendous athletes and wicked fighters and pretty cool people as well. It re-iterated that hard work and dedication is the price you pay for greatness. BJ has started talking trash to promote the fight already…I like how GSP responded by saying talking is easy everyone can talk but fighting is hard. “If he really wanted to do it …if he put his mind to it…it’s about being the best...it wasn’t about being second best.” BJ’s story foils mine in a way. I remember a time when I hit rock bottom where I did not treat myself and my body with respect…drinking a lot…getting drunk a lot…not training. I remember vividly that I was pissed drunk rolling around on the floor after a big party. One of my closest friends watched me in disgust and told me, “Look, very few people have the gifted talents and potential that you do and even less people can ever have the opportunity to be called great...and you can one of those people...look you’re wasting your life away…you’ve lost yourself…you’re just a fucking drunk party animal...a waste of skin…and your window is closing!” Having someone close to you say that was a big wake up call. From that day on I cleansed myself from all that alcohol and focused on academics, sports (particularly boxing) and just being a better person in general, I told myself from that day onwards, I'm going to move forward. Even though my friend is not with us anymore, I remember it like yesterday and whenever I feel de-motivated and want to quit I remember those words and it gives me strength to carry on. He’s in a better place now and he never got to see what I’ve become and what I am now…I hope I’ve made him proud. BJ Penn’s story was like this also and I want to see him make a come back but at the same time I wanna see GSP, our Canadian boy to win it. Continual hard work will bring me where I wanna be…laziness will lead to decline…

Speaking of friends...I remember that he told me "sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down." I don't know if I can ever be great...we all have doubts in ourselves...but to the death I'll try my best. With hard work we'll all get somewhere...Nothing great in the world has ever been accomplished without passion.

Las Vegas?

2009-01-11T17:03:00.000-08:00

My friend invited me to her dance studio this afternoon. I thought these people in there would be very amateur but turned out these guys were good…some of them were real good too. Some gave me tips on how to glide and tut better too. When I first walked in people were giving me weird looks, but as soon as we started grooving…it was all cool…people opened up to me and were friendly. Had a good time…good music (even though I didn’t know a single song I was dancing to)…good dancing and good people.

Afterwards got a call from my manager…he’s gonna go check out Vegas for me to look for potential fights this year. He was wondering if I wanted to come along. My first reaction was “hell yeah!”…but then the thought of missing school means a lot of catching up and school takes unprecedented priority. So tempted to go…been to Las Vegas a couple times already and its always been a blast every time I’m there. One of my favourite cities to be. Sin city of the world…city built on entertainment…and once again an oasis from the cold…I guess I’ll finalize my decision later on the week…

I know what’s it like…to be hunted. To be hated…and you fought to survive in a world that didn't make any sense.
But now you're getting used to it. Your senses have sharpened. You finally begin to understand. Why be the prey...
...When you can be the predator?

黑武士

2009-01-08T14:26:00.000-08:00

Man…I miss Florida…the beaches…the people…the weather. I miss being a rock star there too. I got first class treatment wherever I went in South Beach. But back to reality I’m stuck in the cold in Toronto…can’t say it sucks because my buddies are here.

*Sigh* my first week of school has come to a close. I made a road trip to Trenton to go on base to bid you farewell on Monday. When me and her got there, your plane left…she stood outside crying. I hope you got my text…I was looking forward to hear from you from Mirage, Germany…but I guess you were too caught up. Anyways fight hard…give them hell. It wasn’t easy for your parents to raise you up…so don’t you ever give up the fight. Your mom was crying too…I didn’t know how to comfort her…I told her everything will be alright…but there’s nothing more I could say that would make her feel better. I'm sitting comfortably typing this thing out...and you're out fighting in the deserts of Afghanistan...fighting for us...and fighting to stay alive. Out of all of us…I’m the only one that knows how it feels. I know she weighs heavily in your heart…much unneeded emotional baggage indeed…yeah I know she doesn’t understand and probably never will. I tried my best to explain to her…but as you know you…have to experience to know…words cannot explain. It’s hard to say something positive about it….because sugar-coating it will only deviate from the truth. I remember back then when I left for Afghanistan…you were so supportive of me when everyone else was begging me not to go and questioned my sanity. I remember as I left, I turned back to look at you guys one last time and at that time I thought it was the last time I would see you guys, as you all wished me farewell. As I boarded the plane I had a goal…a reason for doing this…you guys gave me the reason to be fighting this war. I had mentality that I’m taking all this pain and suffering so that you all didn’t have to. And when I bid you farewell and I foresee the torment that you will experience in the coming months yet unable to put it on myself or do anything about it…feels like I’m betraying my thoughts and memories…feels like I’m betraying…you...

For you PUAs, I'm going to take a break from all that. I'll be back sarging with you guys later. I can't say I'm taking a break because I've found “the one” or say that I found anyone in particular at all. I’ll just let the chips fall where they may right now. Wish you guys all the best…hope to hear more stories from you guys. Hope that when I come back you guys can teach me a few new things.

That’s enough out of me…going to do something productive with my life…

In Pace Paratus

2009-01-04T18:18:00.000-08:00

New Year was great. Michael Bisping walked in AX while I was working. People were taking pictures with him and autographs, but my manager wouldn’t let me…lame. He’s huge…bigger than when I see him on TV. After he made his purchase he walked up to me and we talked about our predictions of upcoming UFC events….we have our differences indeed. Here I am talking to Britain’s most celebrated fighter, who’s a celebrity in the U.K. as well as the United States and he was so down to earth. He congratulated me on my win in Florida. I found out that he’s in Toronto to party and I thought to myself…you came to the wrong place….he should of stayed in Manchester, England. Then he asked me where to drink in the middle of the afternoon and I laughed and suggested Madison.

We were balling on New Years going club hopping. Was fun…the atmosphere was crazy towards the countdown. Some idiots decided to fight in the clubs to start out 2009. Good thing they didn’t lay their hands on any of my friends or else it would’ve been another story…

My friend…more like a brother is leaving on a mission in Afghanistan tomorrow. I’ve been there…I know this does mean life and death there. I remember calling you a “waste of skin” when we were kids. I know you still remember it to this day, because it didn’t sit well with you at that time. But it was the comment I regret saying most, even though it is a laughing matter between us now. In our circle of friends, there isn’t another as honorable as you. We got big plans when you return…you know we’ll all be waiting here…at least I’ll be. If anything happens…you told me I’d be the first to know and I’ll fan it out to the rest of them…but I wouldn’t know how to break it to them. Just come home in one peace. I remember in history class we both aspired to be soldiers at one point in our lives…just the timing was wrong and we couldn’t fight alongside each other in Afghanistan…in the end we both arrive at the same place in different time periods. But if we can fight alongside each other…what a great honor it would’ve been. I wish I could’ve offered a couple of advice before you left but I was too caught up in the moment.
You must in trust in yourself...the skills you’ve been taught. You are attached to such a great group of probably the best soldiers our country has to offer…believe in that. It seems both unfortunate and amazing that it’ll take battle and blood shed to forge such a strong bond. I know you aren’t emotionally ready at the moment, but you just cannot let it get the best of you...nows just not the time. In moments of pain and disparity...just look how far you've became...and press on. I’ll pray for you each and every night as you venture into harms way. When I think back on those times
when we played as kids and the childhood dreams we left behind to bigger and brighter achievements...I'll be glad because I was blessed to get to have you in my life...
Bro I do wish you all the best…I’m just in awe for words right now…I'm speechless...I'd take a bullet for you literally...but as you pulled out of my driveway I felt so helpless not being able to offer any help...not being able to take the pain for my friend...not being able to sacrifice for...my bro...

Since I’ve went over…I’ve kept it all the experiences to myself…these memories are demons that haunt me ever since. It’s hard to talk about it. But it’s necessary to spit the truth…or at least what I can remember from it…
It’s been 2 years that I was wounded in the battlefield. When I was in the hospital in KAF, I had hoped that I would stay in Afghanistan to recover. Why would I want to stay in such a horrible place that almost claimed my life? I didn’t want to leave my brethrens in battle. When I was transferred to the hospital in Dubai, it was all a blur of Morphine, Demerol, Fentanyl, IV lines, wound packing’s, shrapnel removal surgeries, catheters, bad food, and good care. But I remember closing my eyes in the hospital, only 2 images flash and they take me back to where I’m supposed to be. I see the location of Operation White November; the fields of pot. Rockets and bullets. The smell of burning and the heat. Then all I see are the bodies of soldiers I helped carry to the CCP. 2 covered by body bags and 2 on stretchers; my Team leader and a few soldiers I knew only casually from living in the shacks in Trenton.

When I close my eyes, I also see the morning after the fateful operation. Sparks, smoke, fire… then the burst of the main gun of the A-10. I remember the feeling of panic as I crawled for my weapon and PPE, thinking we were under attack. I can still feel the burning on my legs and back, the shock of thinking my legs were gone.
I can see the faces of the injured… the twice wounded soldiers of Green Team. I see the face of the soldier who saved my life by applying tourniquets to my legs and stopping the bleeding from my back and arm…

Our Squad Leader (who was also wounded) came over to me and asked if I was going to be able to play the pipes for the ramp ceremony the following day. I held up my right hand, which was numb, and looked at my fingers. The tips of 2 of them looked like they had been chewed up in a blender. I felt tears run down my face. Not because I thought I’d never play again, but because I couldn’t play for my departed brothers the next day… I would have given both of my hands and more for their lives.
I had hoped to attend the ramp ceremony the next day, even if I couldn’t play, but I couldn’t move my legs and they couldn’t put me in a wheel chair because of the shrapnel in my back. I was sedated that day. I couldn’t attend any of the funerals of my fallen family, and I feel no closure.
It has been a month and 2 years since I lost my brothers in Operation White November and it might as well have been yesterday.
When I close my eyes at night I not only see the ones who have paid the ultimate price, but also the ones who are still there… and I feel as though I am betraying them.

A warrior’s sword is made from the finest steel, forged by hammer and anvil to create and edge, baptized in hot coals and flame for strength, then quenched in cold water to harden it.

Our brotherhood of Warriors, the finest of men, has been forged by Battle; Baptized by fire and Quenched by tears…

We became and will always be a fraternity of blood with a bond stronger than death.

Come home safe bro! When you do come home, weary from war and firefights...I know for a fact that you'll never come home the same. The brother I used to know would be lost in the desert but in flesh you are still you just in a different frame of mind and probably a totally different mindset. You make us all proud to have a friend like you! Couldn’t ask for a better brother…even though I know that the 4 months

Time to be Thankful

2008-12-30T14:55:00.000-08:00

I looked out the window the plane…all covered in snow. I walked out of the plane…my body still aches from taking all his punches. Welcome to Toronto the Captain says to me as I exited the plane...I’m feeling the winter chill again. Wish I could spend more time in Florida but I’m home now...back to my family and friends. What an adventure…what an epic battle it was. As happy as I am with the victory, I feel for my opponent. I don’t lose often…in fact I’m one of those lucky ones that barely lose…but I know the feeling of losing…the loss must be crushing for him. Just as that thought surfaced my mind…I reached for my phone and text messaged him, “If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and start again.” As I reflect on the last few months, I learned that every time you win, it diminishes the fear a little bit. You never really cancel the fear of losing; you just have to keep challenging it. Outside the ring, I learned that sometimes there comes a stage in life where going for it is more important than winning or losing. Back to living a normal…or semi-normal life. This ends a chapter in my life. A new chapter will start….a new goal….when I return to school in January…not anything special or different from the average student though. Until the ring beckons again…or until the calling to return to the deserts…but until then…I’ll be cherishing a normal life…

Sometimes all I want is the win...the glory all for myself. I fail to look at people beside and behind me supporting me the whole way...but actually they are the ones that make it a reality. The people that helped me out has been just as dedicated to me, as dedicated as I am to the sport. Chris my trainer since the beginning has devoted his last ten years into forging me to become world class champion material. Sometimes I think he’s really hard on. I also have my manager …he looks after my finances of each match, making sure the venue runs smoothly, etc…making sure I’m getting the benefit of the doubt financially on each match I compete. Then there’s my strength conditioning coach who always barks at me to push harder to push me to the limits. Sometimes I hate his guts but its all for my good in the end I understand. My nutritionist helps me make the weight limit and ensures that I’m eating foods for peak performance. But sometimes I don’t listen to her expertise and think she’s annoying for dictating what I eat like my mom when I was a kid. But she actually cares about me more than just a client…she’s a friend that’s been rooting for me the whole way. This team I have must be God sent…amazing people they are. When I think about how the hell I got here…the dreams I conspired and the people that worked tirelessly and endless to make it happen were these people….and of course my friends…been ever so faithful to me despite the fact that I neglect them at times to train and do my duties…they understand. When I take a lot of pain in training and in the ring, I think of it as I’m taking the pain for all the people that I love and care for, so they don’t have to. That’s why I smile while I’m in pain cause I know it for a worthy cause. So when people ask me why I never seem to give up in hardships, trials and tribulation…why I have such determination…it’s all cause of you guys…There’s a saying “Show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are.” I’m really nothing…I’m just the product of what you guys forged me into…and boy oh boy…you guys are really something…I’m grateful for that. As I was welcomed home by my friends at the airport we went out to eat and what a great night it was…many asked why this match meant so much to me and so much more than the other ones I competed other than the fact that this one drew more people to see it. To me, this was a recertification of my abilities…once I got the challenge for me to come over to Florida and compete, I told myself… I’m hanging up my gloves and calling it quits if I lose this one. I lost my chance to go to Beijing this summer to perform in front of my own people and for my country and if I blow this chance…I’m quitting. Winning meant everything to me...it meant that the last 11 years of hard work was spent on something worthwhile…the sense of accomplishment and most of all…it meant that we were step closer to being the best in the world. For Clifton this match was dedicated to his late mother. So for both of us…a lot was at stake.

Then there’s my dad…I don’t talk to him much…it hard talking to him because I’m not his favourite son and my whole life has been spent trying to get his approval…to make you proud…but did you know that you’re my hero??? You are everything I wish I could be. I remember in grade school the teacher asked us who our hero was and kids would say superman, batman, Michael Jordan, Bruce Lee…and I’d be the one that would say that my dad was my hero…and till this day…the answer never changed when asked the same question. I’m sorry I can’t always be the son you want me to be…I’m sorry for not living up to your expectations...I’m sorry I can’t be my brother and in your eyes he’ll always be superior and that’s a fact I’ve respected. But I never give you enough credit when I am here with all the glory, but you’re the one with the strength…the motivation and inspiration me to be better than what I thought I can be. Your smile makes all of us happy…but it often hides the pain…as Chinese tradition, fatherly figure assumes the role to be strong and doesn’t show emotion while mom being Hawaiian adopts that culture of being a soft loving mother. But thanks for everything dad…I finally understand the reason for what you put me through all these years…I know it won't be today..it won't be tomorrow...but I promise you one day I'll make you proud and you can hold your head up high and say that Kelton is your son...
Honestly from the deepest most sincere bottom of my heart…thank you all so much…I apologize for my mistakes at times…I admit sometimes I don’t know how to act.
The past year wasn’t great…it had its ups and downs. The highs, I thought I was on top of the world and the lows felt like I hit rock bottom. I want a good year coming up and we’ll all do and together we’ll make this year one to remember 
Happy New Year Everyone!!!

The Moment of Truth

2008-12-29T10:06:00.000-08:00

“I need you to believe in me…as confident as I am…I have doubts…because at times I don’t even believe in myself.” My coach replied, “It’s your time, it’s your night champ…show these people what they came here to see. The key to victory is match is speed, and you’re 10 times faster than him.” As the opening ceremony started with the playing of the American national anthem for Clifton followed by the national anthems of China and Canada for me, I can hear the crowd getting rowdy from my locker room, the ground was literally shaking. Before it was time to enter the stadium, I knelt down and prayed that despite how much Clifton gets on my nerves that no of us would leave the ring injured or hurt. When it was time for me to enter the ring, I was filled with adrenaline that I ear were plugged and couldn’t hear anything and I had tunnel vision while making my way to the ring. When it was time for Clifton to enter the stadium, there was a deafening roar from the audience…everyone was on their feet. The energy in the stadium was incredible...nothing I’ve ever seen or experienced before. People in the crowd were holding American flags with Clifton’s name on it and other signs.
The opening bell rang, we both took the center of the ring and we both went to work. He got the better out of every exchange. They chanted his name throughout the first couple of rounds, fueling him with energy. At the end of the 3rd round he caught me with a brutal body shot…I winced in pain just as the bell sounded for the end of the 3rd round. I hobbled back to my corner to receive instructions from my corner. My coach told me to put my punches together starting with my jabs. At the beginning of the 4th round, he rocked me with a crisp punch right on my chin which destroyed my equilibrium. My world spun around and my head was dizzy…my knees turned into rubber…Clifton smelt blood in the shark tank and saw that I was hurt…he jumped on the opportunity to finish me off with a knock out. I was getting hit left right and center. I covered up but his power punches came right through my defense…I was in a world of hurt…I was just trying to survive at this point. The crowd was going nuts because they saw their champ close to winning the match. Luckily I was saved by the bell that ended the 4th round. This is my worst nightmare…never did I expect to get outclassed this bad. I was beaten down so bad, I couldn’t walk back to my corner by myself...my coach had to hold me up…I felt pain all over my body. The referee saw that I was badly hurt…he came over and told me that if I couldn’t fight back the coming round that he’d end the fight. My coach asked me if I was alright…I replied that I’m not giving up and that he’ll have to kill me to stop me…I thought to myself…all that nights spent pounding at the punching bag…waking up and running all that hard work will be all wasted. Suddenly, I thought I heard someone calling out my name from the crowd, I turned to my left and there…was 8 of my friends sitting ringside. I thought I got hit in the head too much and was seeing things. I rubbed my eyes and they were really there…they came all the way here from Toronto to cheer me on…how can I EVER let them down. The opening bell for the 5th round sounded, my buddies lifted up their fists and yelled out “Go get em boy!!!” I picked myself up…I felt energized and recharged…I casted all my pain, fear and doubts away. I took the center of the ring. One step at a time I slowly got my rhythm going, then got my footwork down pat. Slowly but surely the techniques and attributes that I possessed in practice were coming back. I tagged him with my right hand to only see him smile and he said, “Bring it on!” I fainted to the right to see if he’d bite on it and he did…I stabbed back and gave him a sharp left hook that sent him to the canvas. The crowd was in disbelief….their champ was on the ground trying desperately to get up. They chanted his name once again and Clifton rose to his feet. The bell sounded to end the 6th round. I returned to my corner and my coach was ecstatic…“That’s my boy…that’s boy right there!” I turned to my buddies sitting at ringside to see their reaction…they were jumping up and down…they yelled, “You got this, soulja boy…you got it!!” I turned back to my coach to receive instructions. He told me to relax and that Clifton was badly rocked by my left hook and that I should go for the finish right away. I gave him a determined look and nodded. Bell rang for the 7th round, I said to myself, “The time is now.”…as urgency spawned I went right for the finish. I was raining punches down on him. He seemed to have slowed down from the earlier rounds. I relaxed a bit and my hands speed accelerated. I dazzled the crowd with my speed. He had no answers to my punches. I forced him into the corner with half a minute left to go in the 7th round and gave it all I got; raining punches down on him. The referee saw that he was longer intelligently defending himself and stepped in to stop the fight. I walked over to the center of the ring looked around at the people sitting in the audience. Some of them were crying to see their champ defeated. Others clapped at the great fight they just saw. Slowly, everyone rose to their feet and gave us a standing ovation for such a good fight. I was full of emotions…I dropped to my knees and tears flowed out of my eyes. I covered with my hands to hide the fact I was crying. I bent over and put my forehead on the canvas. My coach and trainers rushed over to embrace me over the win. All that blood, sweat and tears in the gym paid off…all the sacrifice through all these years was worth it. I rose to my feet…tears were still flowing out of my eyes. I went over to check on Clifton to see if he was ok. Thank God he was injury free. He congratulated me on the win and said, “I know you were pissed off at what I said about you at the press conference…but I said it only to hype up the fight even more.” I told him I wasn’t mad. He asked, “No hard feelings?” I shook my head, “None.” The announcer walked over with the mic to ask me about the win. When I was asked to comment on Clifton I said that he’s still my hero and that I’m sure he’ll get a rematch in the 2012 Olympics for the gold. Clifton walked over after I made that comment and he grabbed the mic and said to me, “No you’re my hero now.” Some people dream of success while others wake up and work hard at it…
I still couldn’t believe I won. I walked to the locker room and it felt like I was in a dream. I asked my coach what just happened. He smiled at me and said, “You’re the man tonight.”
I met up with my buddies at the after party….such great friends they are…they were like, “How can I ever miss the biggest moment of your life.” I bought them drinks until they were real buzzed and happy. Me and Clifton were at the stage in the club signing autographs and taking pictures with the fight fans for the first 2 hours. Many of them offered words of encouragement to Clifton and congratulate me on my win. The club was at capacity crowd…at least 7 thousand people in attendance according to the promoter. The club was huge…at least twice the size of Guvernment or Circa in Toronto. The dance floor alone was as big as a football field if not bigger. It was a night to remember. Me and Clifton got a taste of what being a celebrity was like. Every time we stepped out of the VIP lounge, there would be a throng of people asking for autographs and pictures. I didn’t want to get drunk since I was the center of attention that night, but I got real buzzed. I can honestly say that...these are the moments that I thank God I am alive.

And now I’m waiting for my plane which is delayed AGAIN…damn how much of my life is spent waiting…but its all good though…I can pass time just thinking about last night…reliving the moment over and over again in my head. I loved every second of it. The best moment of my life thus far. I’ll be back in T.O. tonight…I love this place too much and I don’t want to go back yet…As the drive to the airport was a short one, I looked out the window of the limousine, I realized Florida was not just an oasis and a safe haven from all that snow…it was paradise…palm trees…beautiful beaches right by the Caribbean Sea…before the match I was too focused on the fight and not my beautiful surroundings…man…I’m going to miss this place…Before I left I got a SMS from Jessica, girl that served me breakfast in my hotel. She wished me well on a safe journey back home and invited me back to Florida sometime. I smiled and said to myself “Definitely coming back!”

2008-12-28T10:49:00.000-08:00

Just woke up...couldn't sleep all last night. Too many thoughts going through my mind. I stayed up watching tapes of how Clifton boxes...his movement, footwork and his style. Also, watched UFC 92...great night of fight there too bad the fighters I was cheering for all lost. But that doesn't kill my determination to win. The hotel service is pretty sick...5 star treatment baby!!! I'm eating breakfast in my bed in my hotel room with this pretty hawt waitress serving me ;)...She's like, "I'm from South Beach, but I'll be rooting for ya champ...don't suck!" I laughed and invited her to the after party after the match...and she's like "the whole city is gonna be there pretty much, its the party that everyone's been talking about for the past week or 2." Damn that gave me added pressure...it's gonna suck if I lose in an embarrassing fashion to him and go to the after party after wards with like everyone there laughing at my loss. Before she was done serving me breakfast, she asked for my autograph and a picture with me. I'm nervous as hell...getting goose bumps and butterflies in my stomach already while I was giving her my autograph my hands were shaking dramatically and it took three attempts to sign my name properly...but that's good because last time when I didn't feel nervous I got my ass whooped.
What motivates me to go on despite immeasurable fatigue, pain and injury? Standing alone, almost naked and facing an opponent bent on knocking me out is a very unnerving experience. A fighter needs to forge himself in a crucible of focus, discipline and hard work. Each day pushing himself to do more and be more than he was the day before. It starts in the gym, doing one more round of sparring, attacking the bag with ferocity and determination, getting out and training in the cold, wet, uncomfortable conditions that all of us must face if we are committed to winning. Staying disciplined with preparation and making oneself impervious to pain and resistant to fatigue through training, training and more training. I’ve asked myself how bad I want to win and be prepared to do what it takes to achieve victory. I must know deep down in my soul that I’ll be victorious at all costs. Boxing is a brutal business, and I’ll be hurt in the ring at some point or another. Is it this fight that I’ll come out badly hurt or get in a concussion? The hidden key to boxing is knowing that truth, accepting it and being prepared to fight through that hurt when the time comes. “Don’t wait until you get your bell rung in the ring, get to work today preparing yourself to deal with and overcome adversity.” my coach always said.
Now its time to get down to business. Gotta go meet up with my coach and trainers to do last minute tune-ups and get warmed up. Everyone here knows Clifton...everyone's seen Clifton but no one knows Kelton...they'll be surprised at how good I really am...Clifton has his time...now its my time...Destiny awaits in just a few hours...

It's On!!!

2008-12-27T22:57:00.000-08:00

I arrived in Florida this morning, beautiful weather…what an oasis from the cold and snow up in Toronto. It almost felt like I’m vacationing here for a second…but I quickly reminded myself that the sole reason to be here was simply – to win. While my team and I were on the way to the hotel, we passed by a giant billboard in downtown Miami that had a picture of me and Clifton on each end of the billboard which entitled champion vs champion with our country’s flags in the background. For the first time in a long while, I felt fear…the kind of fear nobody likes to talk about…fear that I have come this far and it could all end…but I kind of like the fear…means that I’m close…it means I’m ready…
We quickly checked into the hotel and headed to the press conference.
When we got to the press conference, the sports media already descended on Florida to cover the bout. Every seat was filled in the auditorium; first 8 rows were all sports journalists. The rest seemed to be a few hundred of Clifton’s adoring fans and supporters. As our promoter, Clifton and I took our seats, at the front table. First off our promoter James Jardine acknowledged everyone’s presence. Then he introduced me and asked me to walk to the podium and say a few words….I thanked everyone for coming out and the opportunity to be here and may the best man win…when it was Clifton’s turn, he was welcomed with a thunderous roar from his fans. He assured everyone that he’ll knock me out in 6 rounds or less. The media and sports reporters grilled us on questions while taking pictures and video recording us. One comment that really stood out was when Clifton was asked what strategy he would implement in this match…he replied, “I’m gonna whoop that chink’s ass! This isn’t some kung fu match it’s boxing!” followed by “ohs” and laughter from the audience. I clenched my jaw. I grabbed the microphone in front of me and turned to Clifton and replied, “You ever get your ass whooped by an Asian dude before…trust me it hurts!” The audience was getting amped up. This is America they love drama…they love controversy. The rest of the press conference was nothing more than trash talking from Clifton’s mouth to a point where his voice became an annoyance to me.
We checked back into the hotel room, stepped on the scale and weighed 148 lbs….1 point over the limit. I sat 45 minutes in the sauna alone trying to sweat out the last pound off. I thought of the comments he made at the press conference, words of encouragement from my friends and recent events that happened in Toronto. All those thoughts made me nervous, angry, determined and confused all at the same time.
I spent the rest of the day relaxing on the beautiful sunny beaches. Weather is perfect not too hot not too cold. People here seem to be more friendly…many approached me and asked where I’m from…what I do and what I like…all of them said I look familiar as though they’ve seen me somewhere before…I also overheard somebody’s conversation on how Clifton was going to kill that kid coming from Canada to fight him. As I heard it I smiled. It gives me more motivation to prove them all wrong.
The evening was the weigh-ins. Again all the media and fans were taking pictures as we tipped the scale. He weighed in at 146.5 lbs while I was 147 lbs on the dot. He walked up to me flashed his abs and said, “I’m ready pretty boy…are you?” He walked closer to me until his face was an inch or two away from mine. The crowd went crazy with roars and screams as camera flashes lit up the whole stadium. He stared viciously into my eyes and muttered “You’re fighting the best muthafucka out there…you know that right? You ready to die?” I stared furiously into his eyes “If you even dream of beating me you’d better wake up and apologize.” He took a step back and said “Fuck you!” and gave me the finger and walked off the stage. The crowds chanted his name and were going berserk as they see the tension between me and Clifton erupts. Everyone was eager to see tomorrow’s match and it seems like we got the whole city buzzing about the match.
When I headed back to my hotel room, I sat in the middle of the bed. All the camera flashes were hurting my eyes to the point where time I blink I see another flash…I promised myself no matter how much Clifton gets under my skin with the comments he makes…win or lose I’ll shake his hand at the end of the fight and have a drink with him at the after party.
Boxing requires a delicate balance…accepting the embrace of those closest to you while stealing the force of your opponent that seek to destroy you. But as months become weeks, the countdown to urgency spawns tension and that balance begins to skew…whether you’ve been to this point many times before or traversing unfamiliar territory…as the fight draws near pressure further intensifies…fueled the desire to win or simple instinct to survive...its been said that in this ring the truth will eventually find you…for Kelton and Clifton the moment of truth is looming…24 hours until the opening bell sounds and a fire stoke through months of training ignites with a hellish flurry…24 hours until the balance between rage and humanity to disappear….
But meanwhile this fight isn’t just a stepping stone for the Olympics anymore…it’s for honor and pride…

一路向北

2008-12-26T22:03:00.000-08:00

Damn my plane will be delayed for an hour and a half. I’m just sitting in Pearson Airport trying to get some shut eye but I’m just too amped up and nervous for the 28th to nap. My body is drained of fluids to try and make the 147lb mark. I weighed myself this morning I was 149lb on an empty stomach. Crap 2 more lbs to lose.
Two thousand kilometers away….2 thousand kilometers to thinking of the task at hand. A sold out crowd of just over five thousand spectators watching me box with my opponent at the Palms Resort and Casino Arena. I chose this match because I thought it was the best option for me in this stage of my athletic career...sometimes I lay in bed and say …hmm maybe it is too big of a match…I doubt myself at times…and I really do…but when I run through all the scenarios that might happen…I come to the same conclusion in the end…and that’s me winning. The odds are against me as I travel to my challenger’s backyard. I love beating the odds. You know what…if there weren’t upsets in this world the world would be a boring place…let’s face it. What’s suppose to happen doesn’t always happen…winning or losing you gotta have one of the other it’s a simple fact of life… I don’t like losing …I don’t lose often…all his Florida supporters will be smiling if I lose…but I don’t see it happening…
As I look out the window of the Boeing jet gazing at the cotton clouds, I think about my past and what the future holds. I want to retire from the sport as champion of some sort to prove to myself and the world that my efforts all these years amounted to something…something glorious...something no one can ever take away from me…

My manager came back from finalizing the deal and contracts for December 28th in the Palms Hotel and Casino Resort in South Beach, Florida the other day. He met my opponent, Clifton...described as a lanky and tough. However, his story was inspirational. He grew up in a poor family of 6 children with a strict father who tried to live his dreams through his son Clifton because he saw something special he possessed that his other siblings did not. His father’s dream and first passion was to win the gold medal in Olympic boxing for the United States. So everyday after school he would do homework and when his dad came home, he would take Clifton to the gym and train him there. This would be a daily routine and his dad would never let him miss a single day of it. He wasn’t allowed to go out and play basketball with the other kids and never really had a childhood. His relationship with his father was bitter cold, so he sought refuge from his mother who would go watch him train and would be ringside cheering him on at every one of his amateur competitions. His mother had a sweet spot in her heart for her son. As he fought up the ranks to become a member of the U.S. Olympic team to compete for the gold medal at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, his mother began a fight of her life against breast cancer. And his mother forwent her chemotherapy to fly to Seattle to watch him compete and hopefully see him qualify for team USA. He emerged victorious out of all his competitions and qualified to be in the final fight where the winner of this fight would represent America for the Olympic Team in Beijing. He was ecstatic as his biggest fight drew near, but tragically…his mother was hospitalized in serious condition…and when he went to see her…her final words were to bring the gold medal home for America. Filled with emotions, Clifton trained harder than ever at the gym. In the process he suffered a wrist injury. Despite this injury, he still fought the last competition dedicating the fight to his mother, losing a hair-thin close decision which shattered his Olympic dream….

As I walked out of the gym seeing what used to be colorful posters which now are fainted pictures scorched by a decade of sunlight. I walked through the door frame…the same one that I walked through for the first time as a troubled, angry and confused youth. As I started hitting the punching bags, my anger dissipated. It was my escape from all the anger and stress built up. Under carefully guidance of Chris, I’ve learned the sport from those I trust most, respect the wisdom of those that have been there before me and embrace the promise of the future in the kids learning.

Over the past week I did feel weaker than my opponent…while his physical and mental were at its peak, I was shadowed by my remorse…but after today settling it with her took some burden off my shoulders...feels like I can walk a little lighter now. I said what was on my mind…hope she can forgive me…

As boys in bare corners of the world separated by thousands of miles we both came to the ring for the same reasons it offered us a way out. Inside the ropes we encountered a simple pursuit through desire, resilience and skill…that pursuit has awarded us in ways that we could only imagine. Along the path simplicity has steadily replaced by complications. Across the border, relentless fury has catapulted my opponent from being a poor hustler to a celebrated hero in Florida where the people see their honor represented in his courage…in our very different journeys we both discovered one thing…complications can be costly. So as we train we seek familiarity and embrace the past. We find ways to make it simple…once again. On the December 28th the reality of fame may surround us in Florida and once again the ring will beckon…and once again it’ll offer us a way out…the road to the 2012 Olympics has begun…the quest for the gold starts here…Florida here I come…

Christmas Time!!!

2008-12-25T20:22:00.000-08:00

It’s Christmas…best time of the year?? Really eh…Woke up and wished dad and mom a Merry Christmas…giving dad a hug and mom and kiss then rushed out the door to the gym.

It’s a cadence that’s familiar to me… the confident energy of a final workout followed by a sudden, eerie calm of an empty gym …silent conversations and the pictures on the wall ..the realization that in a week win or lose it’ll just be another memory...or possibility of another trophy to bring back from the corner of the ring…and of course the after the notorious partying following the match which is will be massively insane party everytime...this is what I live for…at least for now..

Christmas Wishes for Santa

2008-12-24T23:13:00.000-08:00

Its Christmas…I haven’t felt Christmas for holiday spirit for as long as I can remember. Maybe the monotony of training has numbed my Christmas senses. As a kid I remember the sight of seeing something lovely wrapped beneath the Christmas tree. My Christmas list when I was a kid used to be:

1. GI Joe action figure
2. X-Men Wolverine action figure (the ones with the claws on)
3. Lamborghini and Ferrari toy car

Now I’m all grown up, life is more complex. What I want nowadays….often money cannot buy. I guess here’s my grown up Christmas list, short and simple:

1. World peace
2. Economic prosperity
3. Be a better man
4. have a bright future without dreading a 9-5 job
5. lastly, to see all my friends and loved ones happy

I wish everyone a Merry Christmas. Wish you guys will follow your dreams and live it out. God knows that dreams are hard follow but don't let anyone take them away. For all you guys in harms way, stay safe, stay strong. My prayers go out to all of you. God Bless!!!

A Well Deserved Break

2008-12-18T11:16:00.001-08:00

Yay!!! I finished my last exam…exams are brutal…I quickly rushed to my car to get to the gym. I danced in the parking lot in the snow while listening to Chris Brown’s Forever on my mp3 player. I was doing Chris Brown’s reverse 720 spins and slipped on ice only to land flat on my ass…I chuckled and quickly got up, dust myself off and spun around hoping nobody saw…but a group of girls walking behind me were all biting their lip trying to hold their laughter in…I smiled and they let it all out and laughed hysterically…One of them said “don’t worry no one saw.” The other one said, “omg…that just made my day.” Another one said, “The dance moves you did before you fell were good.” I felt pain on my behind as I sat down in my car…I thought to myself “Meh…it was worth it…at least I made someone’s day.”

I got to the gym with my training team all waiting for me to get started. After yet another training session at a furious pace, I dazzled the others at the gym watching again with my talents, strength, power, speed, stamina and skill…they shook their heads in disbelief…their comments “omfg he’s lightening fast…he’s not even human” echoed throughout the gym…I smiled hearing it as it only give me motivation to get even better and go that extra mile. An unexpected visitor with some inspiration came in…a mother walked in with her son to watch me while I was doing pad work with one of my coaches. She approached me and complimented me on my hard work and dedication. She told me she brought her son to show him at a young age what sweat, blood, tears of hard work actually means and also, her son wants to take up boxing, but she’s worried about her son getting hit. The son, David looked up at me and said, “I wanna be just as good as you when I grow up.” I smiled at him and replied, “ You not gonna be as good as me when you grow up…*I winked*..you’re gonna be 10 times better…not just in the ring but as a person outside the ring too!” His mom smiled. As training came to a wrap, my nutritionist checked my blood sugar levels to make sure I’m not under or overtraining. Checked my bodyfat percentage…4.3%...bodyweight…155lbs. Damn…4.3%, I’m already taking fish oils to try to bump it up…if I didn’t I’d be walking bones and muscle :S. My nutritionist told me I’m in peak physical condition, just making the weight limit of 147lb for the match without losing muscle mass would prove to be a challenge. Target body fat percentage would be 3%. My boxing coach told me to take this weekend off training, to let my body recuperate. I was reluctant to skip training since the fight was just 10 days away. But he insisted to that I need one. As I turned and headed for the exit, my coach yelled out “go easy on the booze, champ!” I replied over my shoulder. “Will do, coach.” With a thumbs up. I smiled to myself and muttered under my breath, “That’s not gonna happen.”

Finally, a well deserved break. Exams are done…it could only mean one thing….PARTY TIME!!!!! Haven’t done it in a long time and haven’t done it often, but once I do..all hell break loose…ya all know. Gonna be a crazy weekend..one to remember for sure…I promise ;)

Ashes...

2008-12-13T22:29:00.000-08:00

Finished my training session today…quite an interesting one indeed. My coach, Chris along with my Strength conditioning coach, Paul has been guiding through my life inside the ring. Not only did they taught be how to box in the ring, they taught me to how take care of myself outside the ring. After an intense workout, they took time out to hear my recent struggles. When it was their time to give feedback, they drew many examples of their life experiences; the struggles and triumphs. “It requires less character to discover the faults of others, than to tolerate them…and talents are best nurtured in solitude while character is best formed in stormy billows for that’s what defines who we are. We cannot dream ourselves into a character but we must hammer and forge ourselves into one.” And lastly, my coach mentioned that “reputation is what men and women think of us; character is what God knows of us.” My coach tells me he has a gift for me. He takes off his necklace and hands it to me and says. “this is my lucky charm, I want you to have it, it’s going to be like your guardian angel on your shoulder and when you’re down, it’s gonna whisper in your ear…its gonna say “Get up...Chris loves you!”…go after him kid.” I looked at the necklace and smiled and thanked him for it. Afterwards my coach had important matters to attend to, so he left me in charge of teaching his beginner boxing class. Surprisingly, the class was made up of 80% girls. After teach them some basics and giving them a punishing workout, a few of the girls approached me and asked…

Girls: I heard you’re competing in Florida?

Me: Ya

Girls: That’s so cool. Don’t you guys take a lot of pain and punches in the ring???

Me: Yea and I train to increase my pain threshold.

Girls: If it hurts so much, aren’t you scared??? Then why do you still continue competing???

Me: Number one cuz I love it…and its not about how hard you get hit…cuz no one hits harder than life…its about how hard you get hit and how much you can take and keep moving forward…that’s how winning is done… Maybe I like the pain…because without it, maybe I just wouldn't feel that it’s real.

Girls: So why do you guys still keep hitting yourselves so hard during your sparring sessions?

Me: Cuz it feels so good when I stop. ;)

Girls: *laughs* Interesting…I’m coming here to train every Saturday from now on instead of Fridays. Cya next week!

Damn it’s getting late…gotta sleep soon for my early morning runs…and still have one last exam left with fight night just around the corner. As I crawl into my cozy bed, I repent for all that I took for granted and thank God for putting such great and supportive people in my life that inspired me to be better…I pray that I’ll be a better man and above all…I pray God will protect me from my pride….

Remorse

2008-12-11T22:35:00.000-08:00

I just had four exams in 3 days and still one more to go. I’m experiencing the exam blues. These exams…I had so much potential to do better. Things haven’t going my way as of late, seems like I’ve hit a brick wall…yet another obstacle. I just have to find a way around this one. But everyone faces obstacles…their existence in our lives is to weed out the weak…so that the strong will prevail and find a way around each and every obstacle to reach their goal. Training inside the ring has made my strength, speed, power and skills flourish. Yet my life outside the ring has been crumbling.
I never meant to reopen that emotional scar when I was with her at the restaurant. I should have known not to have asked. I hope you will find another person…one who treats you the way you truly deserve. Hope you will have better days ahead.
A week or two ago I had a friend that I have said some things about her at work that has made her upset to the point where it seems as though a curtain of silence has descended upon us. It seems impossible to get to her...if she only let me explain…things are not what they seem to be...but how can I tell her?? I never meant to degrade or mistreat a friend. I guess she felt that she was judged wrongly and disrespected. It wasn’t my intention….I’m not trying to make excuses for myself…I do realize that I was wrong to judge her…words cannot express how sorry I am…but if she insists that our friendship is over, I respect her decision…All I wanted was to see a smile on her face…and if ending it will make her happier…then I support her decision. May God bless her every step of the way and shine a light on the path she walks. And if our lives ever cross roads again in the future, may I make amends for it and be able to start again.
For all of my brethrens that served in Afghanistan for Canada alongside me….it was my greatest honor fighting by along your sides….though I seemed to have deserted you and the team with not keeping up with the rigorous training… I haven’t forsaken you and will never will….remember our motto “no one is will be left behind”. Life has become more busy and seemed to have spiraled downhill for me but I haven’t forgotten about the days that we bled and quenched in tears together in the dessert fighting and gripping onto our lives to fight for the people who we loved…for the values we stood for and were willing to die for…I will never forget. “In Pace Paratus”…stay safe troops. I will return…
Sometimes sorry is the hardest word….I’m really deeply sorry to you all for doing this…hopefully I can right the wrongs to you all somehow…maybe time will dissipate the memories of all my wrongdoings and allow me to a fresh start. But for now all I can do is hope and pray for a better tomorrow…

當愛與希望投射炙熱的太陽
昨日淚光會隨時間都蒸發
別輕易放棄明天要許更多願望
裝滿了勇氣就更有力量

當愛與希望倒映暖暖的月亮
再回頭望又是築好的家鄉
我知道未來還有好多路要闖
我打開了窗看見了晴朗….

One Step Closer

2008-11-30T16:42:00.001-08:00

Past weeks have been busy. Exams and reading week are right around the corner. I'm focusing all my effort to training and my studies. My 5 km morning runs still starts at 6 am followed by a 3 hour study session (damn these 4th year courses are hard)...then I'd go to the gym and work on my techniques and do some sparring for 3 hours then study for another 2 hours...then head to the gym again to do some weight training for an hour and a half and spend the remainder of the night studying. I feel tired...feel weak and when you feel weak, you feel like you wanna just give up...but you gotta search within you, you gotta find that inner strength....and just pull it out of you and get....that motivation to not give up and not be a quitter, no matter how bad I wanna just fall flat on my face and collapse…This is my moment and every single minute I spend trying to hold onto itcause I may never get it again. So while I’m in it…I try to get as much out of it as I can and when my time is over I will not regret. This routine is a monotonous one. But insistence will inch me closer to a better tomorrow. I just have to follow my honest convictions, and stay strong. Lessons in my life taught me to persistent on myself and never imitate. So when December 28th comes…Until the roof comes off...until the lights go out…Until my legs give out from underneath me, I will not falter, I will stand tall, feels like no one can best me. For your family and true supporters they want me to succeed...they make you feel as though you’re taking their dream on your shoulders but when you go out there…when it comes time to do it they can do nothing…if they could…they’d give their heart for you…but they can’t …so its just me…all me…

I’ve spent most of my boxing career a safe distance from the spotlight and now the Florida glare beckons…and I’m confident it won’t blind me. This is the stage I’ve been dreaming all my life…for all the struggles and for all hard work…I’ve finally arrived. In the beginning it started with...“One man”…..me. With “One dream”…..my dream…that took my whole life to get this “One chance”…a chance of a lifetime that will hopefully bring me to unpathed waters and undreamed shores….it isn’t hard to be good at what you do from time to time but what’s tough is being good at what you do everyday consistently knowing that you are never a loser until the minute you quit trying…

In search of sunrise

2008-11-17T10:16:00.000-08:00

...Black Hawk helicopters soar above me, gunshots can be heard close by...the sound of bullets piercing through the air...officers commanding their troops to move to their positions to respond to enemy fire...I observe the situation and surrounding that I'm in...dangerous yet familiar...I quickly realized that I'm in the middle of the desert in Afghanistan in the midst of an encounter with the Taliban forces...suddenly I feel a sharp pain on my chest, I drop to my knees...my head was pounding as I lose consciousness. I woke up all dizzy with my hands tied behind my back inside a cave, I called for help only to have the muzzle of an AK-47 shoved in my mouth. He yelled out a few words in Arabic and cocked the trigger followed with a loud gunshot...I jolted up as my alarm clock rang...my heart was racing, it's still dark outside. I thought to myself "yeah...that's my past...the rest of my life begins now..." I turn to check the time...it's 6am. Time for my morning run.

Some days I feel like shit, some days I wanna quit and just be normal for a bit. I would then be able to allocate my time to rekindle with old friends and broaden my network. Devoting nearly a decade in military service and my passion has sacrificed frequent visits to clubs and bars to break dance. I traded off being able to spend quiet summer nights camping in tranquility and sleeping under the starry night with crickets chirping. Furthermore, I also forgone the opportunity be able spend quality time with friends and family for a mid summer day barbecue or a day at the beach. But on the bright scheme of things, this passion has allowed me to be a little different, "to be a bright star" as my coach would say. Sometimes I ponder if the sacrifices I've made to get where I am today were even worthwhile and if this dream is even achievable or am I drowning in a delusional desire for greatness that I am willing to sacrifice everything for it. The power of hope that inspired me to dream seems to have blinded me from reality at times, but it all seems worthwhile after some success. I remember vividly that after I earned an impressive victory at Madison Square Garden in New York on the undercard, I went to a bar in New York. To my surprise, I had a celebrity’s welcome by the majority of the locals at the bar who saw me compete. People approached me to introduce themselves and to congratulate me on my win; some even asked for autographs. It was an overwhelming feeling. For everything I've missed, I've gained something else. For everything I've gained, I've lost in something else. I guess it all depends on our outlook towards life. I can either to choose to rejoice or regret. There is no telling how many miles you have to run while chasing a dream and ultimately we are responsible for what we are and what we wish to become. We have the power to make ourselves. Also, remember we only have one life. But if we work it in the right way...one life is all we ever need...

Its been a long busy week, assignments are raining down on me. As the semester soon draws to an end, my exams are around the corner, training needs to step up in both intensity and frequency, yet school takes precedence. Anxiety, tension and stress are building up with time running out. All these things that take utmost importance and distractions will not break my focus but we must thrive on it to sharpen both the mind and body. I must be perfect for that nightto win in this level of competition. It's my passion; to win is like my habit through hard work and suffering. It's difficult when I don't obtain it, I can't digest failure in what I worked so hard and diligently for. The future depends on what we do now. I've worked, studied and trained endlessly this week. I must thrive on the opportunity and rise to the occasion to face my challenger. The last month of training until the moment of truth that night will be a long and brutal one but I'm not afraid of difficulty or challenge it brings because they push me forward and reinforces my goal, which is to wake up everyday knowing that I'll be a better than yesterday. I live and believe in the beauty of my dreams because when you believe in yourself, the possibilities are endless. In the end, I realize that I’m truly blessed for my God-given talents and to be able to run countless miles and not give up to chase after my dreams while others were not offered such opportunities. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for, it’s my time to shine and I’ll seize the moment. I understand that we can't all be perfect, we can't always get or be what we want...we can't all be stars...but we can all twinkle in our own way...

As I return from my morning run, a run of inescapable serenity and a peace that embraces focus, I turned to watched sunrise...a breathtaking view it was as the world comes to life. I dwell in that moment for a while and reminiscent what my grandfather told me when I was small..."You were born to live, don't live because you were born. Don't go the way life takes you...but take life the way you want to go!" I smiled to myself and said, "Its gonna be a good day."

Starting on the right foot...

2008-11-11T21:37:00.000-08:00

Today is my brother's convocation. I watched his highs and lows of his academic career, the consecutive all nighters that he pulled and the happiness he derived from those hard earned grades. He often took the road less travelled on his academic journey and did it alone, consequently taking the harder route too. As my closest friend and only brother, I took great pride in my brother's convocation, graduation and achievement. These past four years has been long and hard, I sincerely hope better days are ahead of him. As the convocation came to an end, all the graduates walked out with great pride and were welcomed by their friends and family like how celebrities are welcomed by their adoring fans. I came to realize the importance of these academic achievements and how I've always overlooked it....

As for me.....

its been the chronicles of final pursuit...a search of new world certification of unblemished but overlooked dominance...a longing for what once was the surely exhilarating sense of being the best at what you do. We are defined by choices and preferences that paved our legacies...and decisions that will shadow us forever. These will all come together as the brutal task in Florida lies ahead. I was taught to dream and to dream big and believe in it wholeheartedly into making it a reality. But every time I try, there's always a roadblock it seems. Its like taking one step forward and 2 steps back. Something is always in the way of what I truly want. I was told road blocks are setup in life to weed out the weak. Yet I don't fear adversity, life never intimidated me. Every morning I wake up to remembering how close I was to fulfilling this dream in March at the Olympic trials for Team Canada. I remember that Roy Jones Jr. once said "..cant no one ever stop me, can't nobody ever keep me down...when you come back losing...the worse loss you ever had in your life and you come back like nothing ever happened...now that's a true champion." Overcoming that loss is border line impossible for me it seem. It's deepest emotional scar of my failures. While others choose to indulge themselves in fun and pleasure, I've devoted a lifetime to this passion and I won't let my opponent best me for something I've worked so hard for. Everyone has their time and I truly believe that this is my time....and tournament in Florida is just slightly over a month away....